The whole 1 year etiquette debate

reneel828 · August 2009

So, they say guests can send gifts for up to a year etiquette wise. I would never myself go to a wedding empty handed. But we did receive gifts in the following months and up to as much as 7 months after the wedding. Now, I have a friend who is getting divorced after weeks of marriage and others who have divorced after a few months and few years. Its really very sad. So I'm wondering if this 1 year etiquette isnt a bad idea. Wait it out a few months and see if it lasts. God that sounds cynical. I would never realistically do it....but what are your thoughts?

alliecarrie41 · August 2009

that does sound horrible cynical, and i'd never do this. marriage is meant to be forever, and holding out "in case" is just awful!

teamAandE · August 2009

LOL Renee! That's horrible!!! But yeah, I don't like the 1 year rule. I felt bad bc I was kinda ignoring this one girls comments and stuff on facebook bc we never got a gift and then she called DH and asked why we didn't cash the check, apparently it got lost in the mail and she sent it again! I felt horrible after that...

jamilynn9 · August 2009

Oh Einat, that is so sad. I could totally see that happening to me, lol.

melissa82 · August 2009

I believe the one-year thing is just a guideline people made up and has nothing to do with traditional etiquette. I cannot see myself going to a wedding without a gift. If I couldn't afford to give a gift, I'd decline the invitation (assuming it was a friend and not someone really close). I would just keep obsessing over it in my mind until I got that gift out! I'd rather cut the check and be done with it. I do have a friend who filed for divorced immediately upon returning from their honeymoon. She said she knew it was wrong, but felt it had gotten too far in to cancel the whole thing. A friend of mine thinks they were just trying to recoup some of their money, which I hate to think is true. I felt my shower gift was a waste of my money, but I wouldn't say I was super upset about it.

reneel828 · August 2009

I guess you can say I've become a little jaded after this 3 weeks and then divorced thing. lol But like I said I would never actually do it. Just sparking a convo.

mscutieri · August 2009

I would never be able to show up to a wedding without a gift. Maybe that "guideline" is better intended for guests who couldn't attend but still wanted to give something to the couple.

I <3 Seabass · August 2009

I would never go to a wedding empty handed, I kind of look at the gift as the cost of admission. As sad as it would be if the couple broke up shortly after I don't think I would think of my gift as being wasted since I still got a great meal and entertainment out of it.

DMLJ · August 2009

I think they are supposed to give the gifts back if it ends that fast. When my grandmother was getting married, she and my "pop pop" got in a huge fight over the wedding and broke off the engagement. Well, he shower was planned already and she had to go through with it and then contact everyone. Most people refused the gift back of course. Long story short, they started talking again without letting either family know, and they eloped!

kathymarie · August 2009

I think DMLJ is right... according to ettiquette, I *think* you're supposed to give back gifts if the marriage splits within a year... and eng gifts if you dont get married.

JerseyGirl83 · August 2009

I agree with pp. I dont think I could ever show up to a wedding empty handed.

I <3 Seabass · August 2009

I think it would be easier to give back the gifts if they were actual gifts but I feel like these days most people give cash and unless you kept a spreadsheet of what each person gave how would you even go about giving the money back?

kathymarie · August 2009

I guess if its cash, and you say, put it towards a house or the hm, you really cannot give it back.

Heater020780 · August 2009

I hear you Renee. My sister's b/f actually got married at Naninas and 11 months later it ended. So sad......

teamAandE · August 2009

Seabass, I DO have that spreadsheet

Kvarrone · August 2009

I could go never go to a wedding empty handed... and to think that we 2 guests give a card and nothing else. I just let it go, bc in reality what but n can you do, but now I am invited to their wedding and cannot show up empty handed.. I just cannot do it. I have the spreadsheet too... LOL

acablitas · August 2009

My coworker told me that her husband asked her to hold out on a gift for the most recent wedding they went to. Why? Because their friends have recently all had a string of divorces. So my coworker's husband wanted to wait 6 months till they gave a present. So they went to their wedding empty handed. My coworker felt horrible, but her husband wanted to wait it out.I hope when I invite them to my wedding, they don't come empty handed! Not to sound greedy, but I hope that people wouldn't do that to me because I would never walk into a wedding empty handed. If I knew that I couldn't afford a present, then I would decline their invitation & just buy them something from their registry. But that's just me.

acablitas · August 2009

Oh yeah, and @ my friend's wedding.. She had a check in table for envelopes/gifts. And she had a spreadsheet to write down names/presents. lol

Rosie24 · August 2009

A check in table? LOL. I agree with pp...would never go to wedding empty handed. I just couldn't. I don't understand how people can do that. I honestly can say that if someone comes empty handed to my wedding...I mean with totally nothing, I am not going to very pleasant to them afterwards. I wouldn't do that to anyone so I wouldn't expect it either.

kewltif · August 2009

I would never show up empty handed, whether I thought they would be getting divorced soon or not.Melissa- I bet that's true! They realized they couldn't get their money back from the wedding so probably decided to just go through with it after all and collect the gifts. It's horrible to think that, but I wouldn't doubt it one bit.If someone got divorced a year later I don't think they have to go around handing back gifts. If someone literally got divorced upon returning from their honeymoon, then I think it would be proper to offer people their gifts back, even though 90% of people would never take it back.

Lovemuffin1125 · August 2009

I think its cyncial to think like that, but it is true. Marriages don't last as long as we'd hope, but that doesn't mean you can go to a wedding empty handed.

The whole 1 year etiquette debate

Re: The whole 1 year etiquette debate

Choose Another Board

Search Boards