Overexuberant MOH? (long, sorry!)

vllbabe688 · September 2010

This weekend I went dress shopping with my BMs (first time all the girls have been together), and my MOH was a pretty pushy/condescending to the other girls. Ie, bragging about being MOH and knowing me for so long, being pushy to the other girls about what she *thinks* I want (which is not at all what I want), bragging about how well she knows my mom (who she's met like 4 times), being snippy to the consultants, etc... I warned the other girls ahead of time that she might be like this but I was hoping she wouldn't be. After shopping, my FSIL (one of my BMs, who has really low self-esteem) told me she doesn't feel she deserves to be in WP b/c she hasn't been in my life as long as the other girls - based on what my MOH had said.

I know my MOH has the best intentions and doesn't realize how she comes off to everyone. Am I out of line to have a talk with her about it, like adults? I just want to remind her that everyone is on her side, not against her, and the other girls are just as good of friends to me as she is so there is no need to brag about being MOH. I don't want my FSIL to feel so bad about being involved in the wedding, and while the other girls are very tolerant (they just snicker and eyeroll between each other) it would be nice if everyone would get along as I know they can.

suz62984 · September 2010

Yes you should defiantly talk about this as adults. Be careful of what you say and how you say it because you do not want to come off as "attacking" her. If she feels "attacked" she will only get defensive and nothing will be solved. Just think about what you are going to say before you have the conversation.

Licia&Wayne · September 2010

As someone with a BP member who offended her other BM, I just want you to know you're well within your rights to tell your rude MOH to cram it...um, probably a little more eloquently than that, though.

She shouldn't be making your BP feel bad about anything, and it sounds like she's really overstepping her bounds. Be sure to apologize to all your BP members for her behavior, and then let MOH know that while you appreciate her gusto and love her very much, her behavior while you were dress shopping was too brash and may have been offensive.

Suz is right, be sure to think about what you're going to say before you have this conversation with her. Chances are, she'll be a little steamed. But hopefully, the message will sink in and she'll realize that while you understand her and love her for who she is, not everyone knows her well and may react poorly to how she behaves.

zitiqueen · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_overexuberant-moh-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:4738cd15-e3d6-488b-adb6-bf3b90209d1fPost:57016b72-6ec2-4bcc-b3e1-2ad3714122e0">Overexuberant MOH? (long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]This weekend I went dress shopping with my BMs (first time all the girls have been together), and my MOH was a pretty pushy/condescending to the other girls. Ie, bragging about being MOH and knowing me for so long, being pushy to the other girls about what she *thinks* I want (which is not at all what I want), bragging about how well she knows my mom (who she's met like 4 times), being snippy to the consultants, etc... <strong>I warned the other girls ahead of time that she might be like this but I was hoping she wouldn't be.</strong> After shopping, my FSIL (one of my BMs, who has really low self-esteem) told me she doesn't feel she deserves to be in WP b/c she hasn't been in my life as long as the other girls - based on what my MOH had said. :( I know my MOH has the best intentions and doesn't realize how she comes off to everyone. Am I out of line to have a talk with her about it, like adults? I just want to remind her that everyone is on her side, not against her, and the other girls are just as good of friends to me as she is so there is no need to brag about being MOH. I don't want my FSIL to feel so bad about being involved in the wedding, and while the other girls are very tolerant (they just snicker and eyeroll between each other) it would be nice if everyone would get along as I know they can.
Posted by vllbabe688[/QUOTE]

You were hoping the leopard would change its spots just for you? Yeah, you might want to talk to her about it, but don't expect her to change. You yourself admit you knew what you were signing up for and expected this behavior when you asked her to be MOH. She doesn't sound like she has the best intentions; she sounds like a jerk.

vllbabe688 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_overexuberant-moh-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4738cd15-e3d6-488b-adb6-bf3b90209d1fPost:d7c71e7e-daa8-4178-a21b-063463a8138b">Re: Overexuberant MOH? (long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Overexuberant MOH? (long, sorry!) : You were hoping the leopard would change its spots just for you? Yeah, you might want to talk to her about it, but don't expect her to change. You yourself admit you knew what you were signing up for and expected this behavior when you asked her to be MOH. She doesn't sound like she has the best intentions; she sounds like a jerk.
Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

Not really...this used to be a huge problem when we were younger (she's only like this when she is trying too hard to impress people) but it hasn't really been an issue lately. So, I was keeping my fingers crossed that she'd grown out of it. Yeah, that was probably dumb, I realize now lol.

emilyinchile · September 2010

If you were there, which you were, then definitely talk to her. It's not about your wedding or her being MOH, I hope that under any circumstances you wouldn't ignore it if a friend was being mean to another friend right in front of you.

In the future, if she keeps acting this way, I wouldn't step in unless you're already involved in the situation. For example, if she's a bitch about planning a pre-wedding party for you, the other girls are going to have to be the ones to tell her to stop treating them like that because you stepping in on something like that can make it look as though you're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_overexuberant-moh-long-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:4738cd15-e3d6-488b-adb6-bf3b90209d1fPost:c662efbf-d295-443e-8b7a-3aaab61a38e5">Re: Overexuberant MOH? (long, sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]If you were there, which you were, then definitely talk to her. <strong>It's not about your wedding or her being MOH, I hope that under any circumstances you wouldn't ignore it if a friend was being mean to another friend right in front of you. </strong>In the future, if she keeps acting this way, I wouldn't step in unless you're already involved in the situation. For example, if she's a bitch about planning a pre-wedding party for you, the other girls are going to have to be the ones to tell her to stop treating them like that because you stepping in on something like that can make it look as though you're sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
Exactly this, especially the bolded part. You should probably talk to her about this now, and then talk to your WP, apologize, and warn them that, as they've probably figured out, she can be a bit abrasive.

Overexuberant MOH? (long, sorry!)

Re: Overexuberant MOH? (long, sorry!)

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