I just don't know how to handle this situation, or if I should even care anymore. Just to let you know, this will probably be pretty long. So, first off- BIL was basically DH's male figure because he is about 12 years older than him and they have two different fathers. FIL wasn't a big presence, and DH came to admire everything that his brother did. After BIL's dad died, he changed a lot from what I've heard, even holding a grudge against MIL for divorcing his dad. MIL, after her divorce, became a strong, independent woman with two masters and a high paying, high profile job. BIL hated everything that she stood for (women working out of the home, money, and higher education). Fast forward to last year- MIL passes away, BIL and wife move into the house with me and DH to help us with all of her final stuff. Furniture, appliances are "moved out" and put into his storage, he refuses to let anyone other than immediate family attend the funeral, doesn't show up to the city's memorial for her, etc. We have tried nothing but to be friendly to him and his wife (who is a great person) and their newborn. We invited them over for every holiday, tried to get them over for BBQs, but they are too busy, the baby is too cranky or he has to work. Back before MIL's death, DH asked BIL to be his best man at our church ceremony. We didn't know if he would still do it. After (finally) talking to him about it, he says that he'll be at the church but won't go to the reception because of baby. Ok. So we have him up front next to DH at wedding, and DH's best friend does the toast at reception. BIL, SIL, and baby end up showing up to the reception, so we sit them with the rest of the BP so they feel like they are a part of the special guests. They suddenly leave right before dinner is served because the baby is "cranky" (baby was in their aunt's arms being all giggly and smiley). We were so happy that they came, they seemed happy, and were nice to all of DH's father's side (big plus). Last night we find out that both DH's aunt and cousin tried to tell BIL that they were happy to see him. Aunt even sent him pictures, said she was sorry that the lunch they planned was a missed opportunity, and hopes to see them soon. BIL writes back to both of them that it was a HORRIBLE experience, and he wishes he had never gone to the wedding. He sends pics back to aunt and tells her that there was nothing "missed" about the lunch date. After DH's sister calls him to find out what crawled up his a$s, he said that DH only wanted him there to be in uniform and didn't care if he was there or not, we purposely moved them to the other table to embarrass them, and he can't believe he even went. He also said that the whole family is rude to his wife and she doesn't feel comfortable around us, we have never accepted her, etc. I wanted to cry when SIL called us about it last night! I've never seen DH so hurt in his life (other than MIL passing). We were happy to have them there, and it was a big deal to DH to have his brother stand up with him. I absolutely ADORE his wife, and she was a great person to have around when I first moved here without knowing anyone and I *thought* we had become close during that time. I just don't know if our family's relationship with them is worth it anymore. My side is very close so I just don't understand how a brother can step away from his whole family. DH is questioning whether to call BIL to figure out what is going on, or if he should just finally give up. We've seen the baby twice, and wish we could be a part of his life. His aunt is very distraught by the whole thing and she was in tears about it too. We're just.. ugh.. we don't know what to do anymore. We're hurt. Sorry for the rant, and if you are still reading.. I'll shut up now.
