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Am I the only one???

mandalay_415mandalay_415
100 Comments
in Colorado-Denver
Am I the only one who has a significant other that hasn't really helped at all in the planning process? It's not like I'm expecting him to pick out invitation patterns and floral arrangements but an occasional "how can I help" would be awesome! It could just be the final couple weeks are making me super edgy...who knows. :(
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Re: Am I the only one???

  • katierocks8884katierocks8884 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No, you're not alone. I planned events professionally and my Fi hasn't been very involved. I had a heart to heart with him about it and realized it was mostly my attitude. I would ask his opionion about things (venue, inviations, etc.) but completely disregarded what he was saying. I wanted to hear what he thought but only if it perfectly matched my own opinions. I then realized that he needed "wedding wins" and once I did he got a bit more involved, but only when it came to food and cake tastings :)
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  • LesPaulLesPaul member
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    edited December 2011
    Mine didn't help at all, and I got a little pissy about it.  Then he told me that he was just trying to stay out of the way and wasn't trying to be non-helpful.  So I gave him a few specific tasks that he didn't end up doing.
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  • KariMichaelKariMichael member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Fi doesn't help much. we've talked about it, and in the end, the little stuff that really matters to me, doesn't matter to him. He has told me that this day is about us, but mostly about me. He says little girls dream about this day their whole lives, little boys don't. He doesn't know how to care more about the wedding. He just lets me do what I want, he helps when its a black and white issue (stuffing the OOT bags, assembling the programs, tasting the cake) If there is a decision to be made, I make it. he is indifferent on all of it.
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  • amberlyroseamberlyrose member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    He helped me print the invites- that was about it. And he always made sure to tell me how he felt AFTER I made my decision. Definitely not helpful! :o) But we made it through! Now I understand that he was working extra just so we could pay for it, so he was too tired to make decisions when he got home :o)
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  • VAtoCOVAtoCO member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FI hasn't been overly helpful.  He definitely has some opinions and we've made a lot of decisions together.  But, he still has a VERY LONG to-do list.....
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  • jforeman5jforeman5
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    my FI hates event planning so I knew going into this that he wouldn't be too thrilled about the little details of wedding planning. I didn't expect him to take inititive and do things on his own. I just ask him when I need help, and he helps (sometimes with a little b*tching and moaning, not gonna lie).  I also have delegated arranging things with the church and the hotel where his family is staying to him because he is Catholic and I'm not, and his family is all oot and mine isn't.They way I got him to help out was to just sit down with him and say "I really need your help, I know you hate planning things, but I can't do this on my own". Basically, he's not super excited when he helps, but he does it because I asked him nicely. I try to make it fun, for example, by getting a 6 pack of Fat Tire and watching Indiana Jones while we stuff invites. GL! You're almost there!
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  • cadenaamcadenaam member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Jeff is what I would consider quite helpful for a FI.  He will give his opinion on things and go to all the appts with me.  I think that's pretty good!  I did most of the planning myself, but I'm ok with that.  I plan a lot of company events and parties so it was easy for me to take the reigns on this and run with it. 
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  • mandalay_415mandalay_415
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think I'm just having moments of stress. He's come to most of the appointments with me: cake tasting, food tasting, even to my hair trial in Vail so I wouldn't be alone so he hasn't left me high and dry. I know there's no way little control-freak moi would've let him make the invitations or programs but I've asked his opinion on everything. I mentioned that I didn't feel all my hard work has been appreciated and he hasn't done anything to help me plan. He said all I needed to do was ask but being the girl I am, I want an offer! I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed lately.
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  • me2reanme2rean
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you are in the norm. It's a little late now, but for any newly engaged ladies reading this, I highly recommend sitting down with your fiance before major planning begins. Make a list of all wedding related catergories (photography, music, food, etc.). Each of should list in order which categories are most important to you. Unless your answers are identical, take into consideration what is important to him and have try to get him involved in those areas. For example, if he thinks the music is #1, have him pick out some songs for the ceremony and reception. My FI did not help much with the wedding, but he did constantly say "If you're happy, I'm happy!"
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  • Lauren5280Lauren5280 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I hear that this is very common. I think the whole thing just makes them uncomfortable. Can you ask a friend for help?
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