Announce that we got married after a small/private ceremony?

misskbell67 · August 2009

Due to the declining health of my mother, my fiance and I were planning to get married quickly (original date: November 21st with a guest list of 50 -- slightly disappointed that we couldn't have ALL the friends and family, but we had to prioritize)... we recently have found that her health is worse than we thought and we have decided to move the wedding even closer (Sept 18th) and have cut our guest list to only 15: our parents, siblings and grandparents.We are thinking we will have a "reception" next summer with all the friends and family that we want to share in our celebration.The question is this: should we send out announcements after we get married? If so, should we tell them that we are planning to have a reception in the summer of 2010 (so they don't feel obligated to do 2 gifts: one when the announcement comes and one with the reception -- we realy don't need gifts in the first place)?We keep going back & forth with the idea... we don't want people to be offended that they didn't know we were getting/got married and had to find out from the family gossip... we also don't want to say that we did it because of the health of my mother, either -- so what kind of wording would we use? Or just let everyone know by word of mouth???Any help/advice would be appreciated!Thanks,Krista

pumpkinpumpkin · August 2009

you seem nice. Many people are going to tell you just not to have a reception a year later. They're kind of pointless, and appear to be gift-grabby. I don't think you need to send announcements. The people who are close to you will know and understand your circumstance. Just have your small wedding with your immediate family. No do-overs or later receptions.

BecW2be · August 2009

I'm so sorry your mom is not well. I'm not big on the celebration almost a year later, but I think announcements would be nice. If I were a friend I'd like to know you got married. Perhaps a nice printed announcement with a photo of you two? Nothing needs to be mentioned about why you moved the date up.

cris10c · August 2009

You can send an announcement after the wedding but you don't need to tell people why. Maybe use a picture from the wedding and find wording online that you like to give the information on day and time. If you want to have the reception later you could include the information but people may not automatically think to buy you a gift just because of the announcement.

aMrsin09 · August 2009

Announcements don't require a gift the way an invite does. Yes I know, I know, but I was taught you get an invite, you send a gift, even if you can't go.We are having the super small ceremony, sending announcements to those that would have been invited if we had a large wedding, but we are skipping the later reception.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

I'm so sorry about your mom. Not at fun time to be planning a wedding. I agree with pp that a reception a year later might not be the thing to do. I would send announcements after the wedding.

ffmaid · August 2009

Send wedding announcements mail them same day as wedding to guests woudl have otherwise invited. Then wait a bit and see if you still want a big party If bug party throw great anniversary party at 1 year mark People are never obligated to a gift. In your case I would send you a wedding gift and if you had a party later I would not bring/send a party gift

TheSaltyPeanut · August 2009

I agree with pps. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. This situation actually happened to one of my friends. They too moved up the wedding and only had a small ceremony/celebration. Everyone knew the reason why. She actually got a lot of unexpected wedding gifts from extended family and friends who knew of the situation (we went out and bought a nice gift too).

jessiegirl_98 · August 2009

Sorry about your mom. My friends got married in a private ceremony becuase they have HUGE families and the day of the wedding, actually sent out announcements saying "blah and blah were married today at a ceremony witnessed by their parents" or whatever. Then, they invited everyone to a luau at their house and specifically said no gifts.

Lyss5782 · August 2009

I think send the announcements now and then enjoy being married for a bit before thinking about the party. You may decide you really feel you missed out on your reception and want to throw one, but maybe after being married for awhile you might realize you dont want to spend the money on a big party...I dont think you need to decide that part right now...

nuremenosh · August 2009

I think an announcement is okay. I am certain your friends and family know of your mother's deteriorating health and the desire that she be there so they'll be able to read between the lines and send a gift if they feel so inclined. I also think in this case it will be okay to have a party at some point down the line. After what your friends and family have been through it will be nice to have a happy occassion to celebrate. Just keep it tasteful, wear the white dress but no need for a bridal party. Maybe do a less stiff reception instead of a sit down dinner at a ball room maybe a cocktail party or big BBQ. Those invites could say Bride's dad invites you to celebrate the nuptiuals of bride and groom.

Calypso1977 · August 2009

i would do an annoucement. i personally wouldnt do the party later, but maybe if you could host a big holiday gathering or somethign like that at your home, which still serve the purpose of getting everyone together.

aerinpegadrak · August 2009

Ditto lyss. Give it a year or two and decide if you really want to do a bigger party. You may decide it's really important to be able to get all of your family and friends together, or you may decide that you weren't missing out on anything. If you decide down the road that you want the party, just throw a big anniversary party. I think people will catch on that you're doing that in lieu of the reception that you couldn't have before.My sympathies for your issue with your mom, that must be really hard to go through.

Kristin789 · August 2009

Just get married. That's all. Because you need to focus on your mother's health issues and working with your FI/DH in the first year to build a solid foundation for your marriage. No time/effort/emotional energy left to send announcements out to a huge list of people and then answer all the questions that the announcements will create, no time/energy left to get gifts from those not present on Sept 18 and then send TYs to all those people, no time/energy to plan some big "reception" next summer with a huge bunch of people. You need to shorted your TO DO list, and focus as hard as you can on the few items at the top of the list. We were married in a small ceremony followed by lunch, sent no announcements, but we sent our holiday cards early to notify people of our new address and we began our holiday note with "We got married!" That way no one felt that we were sending a demand for a gift, which you know is how everyone sees the wedding announcement sent to those not present at the ceremony...

misskbell67 · August 2009

Thank you all so much for your input/advice. We have a lot of decisions to make. I think we are going to nix the delayed reception idea for now and decide later when the craziness slows down.Kristin~ It had briefly crossed my mind to make that announcement in our holiday letter rather than a more formal announcement. Thanks for reinforcing that idea... I'll give it more consideration.Thanks again everyone!~Krista

Announce that we got married after a small/private ceremony?

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