Cutting the guest list.

KrisRose821 · August 2009

Due to lovely economic constraints, we've decided to cut our guest list dramatically from roughly 230 people to family and close friends only. Problem is I feel terrible for overtaking the entire guest list. I have a HUGE family (well not like 13 siblings huge, but big enough) and FI has a very small family. Where his side is roughly 9 people if its family and mine would be 43. I fee like its unfair to him to "hog the guest list". A lot of my family list are aunts/uncles and cousins and im almost willing to trim it down except for some of the aunts/uncles and cousins im pretty close to and spend every holiday with them. Some of them live out of town and I havent seen in years. I feel it would be unfair to cut some of them and not others. Would you just leave it as is or trim it down?

nuremenosh · August 2009

Who is paying for the wedding?

vallyhoo · August 2009

How does your FI feel about it?

aMrsin09 · August 2009

Whats your total guest list #? Is it 52? If it's more than that split the guest list in half. if this means you only get to invite two friends, so be it. But then you can decide if your extended relatives are more important than close friends.

KrisRose821 · August 2009

Oh, we are paying for the wedding. FI hasnt really said much because this is such a new developement, but if he says well, do I get to invite that many extra people and even if he's kidding I'll feel terrible. Knowing what we can and cant afford I know that we CAN'T afford 30 extra people because my side is bigger. Well, our total guest list is approximately 65 that includes my fam his and our bp and their hubbies/wifes/sig others.

vallyhoo · August 2009

If you can afford 65, and you aren't omitting anyone that your FI would absolutely want to be there, then I don't see why it is an issue of who has more invitees.

KrisRose821 · August 2009

Well, we are unfortunately he has some close family friends that he considers family that wouldnt be able to be invited. He is probably closer to them than I am to some out of town aunts/uncles/cousins. Maybe I can trim my side and tell him he can invite them. I know it would mean a lot to him to have them there.

Night_Sprite · August 2009

Talk to him. If FI wants more or wants you to lose the aunts and uncles you don't see, I think that is perfectly reasonable.

vallyhoo · August 2009

Trim as much as you both feel comfortable, but also keep in mind some people may not be able to make it so that might leave room for some of your FI's close friends, or the opposite, invite those people closest to your FI and if for any reason they can't come you can extend an invite to the rest of your OOT relates.

vallyhoo · August 2009

I meant OOT relatives.

aMrsin09 · August 2009

Can you cut costs elsewhere (skip favors, DIY invites, DIY flowers, etc) to be able to afford more people so he can invite those important to him?

AlexiaANDRobert · August 2009

IMO, I'd cut the OOT extended relatives that you aren't close to so he can invite people that he IS close to. Also, I'd cut favors, and simplify in other ways. GL!

dsouldiva · August 2009

I would cut OOT relatives that I wasn't close to.

dsouldiva · August 2009

Sorry, peaked too soon... Starting with the OOT cousins

Calypso1977 · August 2009

i'd say our wedding list was probably 65%-35% with my H having the 65%. we kept ours to just the family and friends that we were closests to, and who were actively involved with our lives. i had many first cousins (most, actually) that i did not invite as i havent seen or spoken to them in well over 10 years.

kann2559 · August 2009

Our wedding is 75% my family and 25% his. My family is huge, and even though I'm not close with some of my aunts and uncles, I think it is rude not to invite them. FI only has 4 cousins, and I have 40. Talk to your FI. Maybe it doesn't bother him, or he understands that your family is bigger. I think you have to have a cut off, but then stick with it. Either all cousins invited or all cousins not invited. That's how my family works, and much drama would be occuring right now if we had invited some of them and not others.

aerinpegadrak · August 2009

We're inviting FI's aunts and uncles (but not cousins, no room), but not mine. We're also inviting his step-siblings and not mine. He's close to his extended family, and his dad remarried when he was (I think) 10. I'm not close to my extended family at all, and my parents remarried after I left for college. It's who you're closest to emotionally, not genetically, that should determine who gets invited.

Cutting the guest list.

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