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Bridesmaid help...

specky9specky9
First Comment
in Wedding Party
Back in the beginning of July I asked my one friend if she and her daughter would consider being a bridesmaid in our wedding.  Not to pressure her, I told her she could have some time to think about it because I knew money was tight for her. I have talked to her a couple of times since then but havent mentioned the wedding because I didnt want her to feel pressured.  Its now August and I still havent heard from her.  I pretty much assume that the answer is no.  My wedding is in January so I have to get a new bridesmaid soon. I plan on asking my cousin to be in my wedding now as her replacement but I need to know how to pretty much tell my friend that I can't wait for her answer anymore.  I need to move on and ask another person. I dont want to ask my cousin until I tell her.   I dont want to seem rude.  I want nicely say that she doesnt have to worry about being a bridesmaid.  Any suggestions. 
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Re: Bridesmaid help...

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Tell her what you wrote here: It's getting time to start shopping for dresses and you need to know her answer. Is she always a flake about getting back to you about things? If so you can't necessarily assume she's a no.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    Approach her and gently say, "Hey, just wanted to know if you have given any thought to be a BM. Whatever you decide is perfectly fine with me, but we would need to start shopping for dresses soon so I need to know to plan accordingly depending on whether you two will be in the wedding party."It's really rude to your cousin to only ask her because you have an "open slot." If you want your cousin, ask her, regardless of what your friend and her daughter say. If you're asking her just to be a stand-in, then don't ask her at all, because if she wasn't good enough the first time around then it's crummy to say to her, "My other friend couldn't do it so now I guess you'll do." You don't need even sides. People are more important than numbers. I can sympathize with not wanting a big bridal party, but (a) it's just one more person, and (b) she's going to feel crappy that you asked her only 5 months in advance as an obvious second-choice.
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  • Leah&Christian09Leah&Christian09 member
    First Comment
    Ask her directly.  It's been long enough that she should be able to give you an answer one way or the other.Don't ask a replacement.  If you wanted the cousin, you would have asked her in the first place.  Putting a friend in as a replacement just sends the message that they weren't good enough the first time, but they're good enough to be a fill in, and it sends the message to the rest of your WP that they are expendable.
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