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HELP: Rules at the Cathedral of St. John's...

ejgrumejgrum
First Comment
in Wisconsin
Hi Ladies
Hoping any St. John's Cathedral brides can help! Just met with the liturgy planner, and this morning and I actually had a total melt-down on the way home.

In terms of the procession, they mandate that my fiance has to walk down the aisle right before me -- as in, he will be half way down the aisle when I start walking. (Not okay).   Just curious if anyone had a wedding there before and if so -- how this was handled. 

The other thing that we found odd is that you only have the option of walking with both parents, or totally solo. This is not my hill to die on... I'm fine walking with both, but just find it incredibly odd that this is the rule - when in all my years of attending Catholic weddings, I've never heard of this.  

We aren't doing a first look, and I'd really like to have that moment where I walk in and SEE my fiance's face, not the back of his head. He shouldn't be the last to see me either! I'm pretty upset about this, so if anyone could offer advice, I'd really appreciate it. 

Am I overreacting? Any solutions or advice would be great...

Gracias

Emily
8.20.11


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Re: HELP: Rules at the Cathedral of St. John's...

  • swtheart1685swtheart1685
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Can you just delay walking down the aisle until your fiance is already at the front and turned around? I know you said that they mandate that he walks down before you, but maybe on the day of, you could hide out of his view when everyone is lined up and then purposely not enter until he's already at the front and facing the entrance. Unless you think the priest would stop the ceremony and make you do it over.

    Those sound like strange rules to me. I've heard of churches having rules about photography, music, dress, living together before marriage, etc., but never about how the bride and groom have to enter the church. Could you ask what the meaning is behind these rules?

    Wish I could be of more help. I don't think you're over reacting. If these rules are non-negotiable and they make you really upset, maybe you could consider having the ceremony somewhere else.
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  • kathleenkmmkathleenkmm member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I've heard of a few other Catholic churches having the both parent or no parents rules. A lot of them were recommended in Vatican II and the post-Vatican II documents. The Church does not like the bride being "given" away by her father because that is not the Catholic Church's view of marriage...so I get the two parent thing. What I don't get is why he can't walk down and then you can't walk down. 

    A church I used to go to had the groom walk halfway down with his parents and then wait for the bride, then the couple would walk the other half together.
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  • mob112710mob112710
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My daughter was married at Church of the Gesu last November and the coordinator there informed her that as of the beginning of 2011 they would be requiring both the bride and groom be escorted by both parents.  They pretty much insisted that my SIL be escorted by both his parents which was fine. But my daughter (with my support) insisted that she walk down the aisle with only her father.  We were told that she would be the last bride allowed to do that.  I don't see any reason why you wouldn't be allowed to wait until your future husband reached the front of the church before starting up the aisle.  If they want you to start down before then, cooperate at the rehearsal and then do it the way you want to the day of the wedding.  What are they going to do? Smile
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  • LISASUMLISASUM
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Catholic Churches are very strict when it comes to their rules and traditions. There were a few things I disagreed too with the church I got married in. But my husband loved the Catholic church and made me take a chill pill. I still haven't let it go to this day.
    If you strongly disagree and can't convince them otherwise; I suggest you go to a different church that is more accommodating. I wish I have done that.

    Good Luck!
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  • ejgrumejgrum
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks so much for your input ladies! I think the problem is solved.

    My Dad offered to call and talk through it with the church. He is so much more diplomatic than I am! (I'm a little too emotionally charged on the issue, and it wouldn't have taken me much to set me off on a tirade)  After some talks and some flexing of his knowledge of the Catholic Church, they relented! I'm walking down the aisle with my Dad, with my fiance waiting eagerly for me at the front of church! Wahoo!

    Dad totally saved the day! I've always been his stubborn independent daughter, so I think he was tickled-pink that he got to be the hero! So it was a win-win! 

    Case closed! Thanks Ladies! :) 
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  • swtheart1685swtheart1685
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Glad everything worked out!
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