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to have 2 moh's or not to have 2 moh's...that is my question

missindia87missindia87
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in Wedding Party
I love my cousin and my bestie so very much!!

My cousin just started grad school and I'm not sure when we get into the planning that she'll be available as I'm in IL and the wedding is in MD. My bestie is wonderful and she'll probably have more time on her hands to help with planning and her daughter is my flower girl. I just want to help my cousin out and I know out of my bm's that my bestie is a good go-to person to handle tasks all my other bm's are either in school or just getting off the wedding wagon.

Should I have two or keep it at one?
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Re: to have 2 moh's or not to have 2 moh's...that is my question

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    Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_to-have-2-mohs-or-not-to-have-2-mohsthat-is-my-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:dacc06bb-05fd-4b3b-8c1e-2a2fb2948db1Post:df5ee1df-9554-4abc-b104-a202996a9788">to have 2 moh's or not to have 2 moh's...that is my question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I love my cousin and my bestie so very much!! My cousin just started grad school and I'm not sure when we get into the planning that she'll be available as I'm in IL and the wedding is in MD. My bestie is wonderful and she'll probably have more time on her hands to help with planning and her daughter is my flower girl. I just want to help my cousin out and I know out of my bm's that my bestie is a good go-to person to handle tasks all my other bm's are either in school or just getting off the wedding wagon. Should I have two or keep it at one?
    Posted by missindia87[/QUOTE]

    Your wedding isn't until May of 2014 - please don't ask anyone to be in your BP yet.  A lot can change between now and then. 

    Also, what tasks do you expect them to handle? 
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    missindia87missindia87
    First Comment
    They can handle whatever they want to really. If they choose to plan a bridesmaid luncheon, b.party, or shower...if they want to help me shop for dresses. I do not expect my party to help out w/ any aspect. I'm pretty prepped to do it on my own but always the gesture of throwing a b.party, etc is nice but not expected on my end.
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited September 2012
    The MOH's job isn't to be the best helper. The MOH title/honor should go to your closest friend. Even if she lives a thousand miles away and all she can do for you is show up on the wedding day.

    Bestowing the MOH title on someone is no guarantee that she'll want/be able to help out or throw you a party. Whoever wants to help you or throw a party will offer it, whether she's MOH or a bridesmaid or not even in the wedding party. If someone does not want to help or throw/attend a party then she will not offer, even if you ask her to be MOH - and your job is to just keep quiet and be classy and deal with it, because you are not owed help or a party from anyone.

    If you ask someone to be MOH based on what you think they will do for you, then you're just setting yourself up for disappointment if they don't fulfill your expectations. That's an unfair burden to place on your friends. it'd be cruel to deny your closest friend the honor of MOH just because you think she's nto available to help you that much. It's YOUR wedding and YOU (and your FI) are the only ones responsible for the work.

    Choose your closest friend as MOH. If you are equally close to two girls (NOT because of how well you think they can plan or where they live), then have two Maids of Honor. if you can't pick a closest friend, then don't have a MOH. Simple as that. If you choose your closest friend as MOH and expect nothing more from her than to be a friend, it'll all go very smoothly.
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    Girlie1030Girlie1030 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_to-have-2-mohs-or-not-to-have-2-mohsthat-is-my-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:dacc06bb-05fd-4b3b-8c1e-2a2fb2948db1Post:febf4613-8ad0-4840-94df-23b7a74c65bc">Re: to have 2 moh's or not to have 2 moh's...that is my question</a>:
    [QUOTE]They can handle whatever they want to really. If they choose to plan a bridesmaid luncheon, b.party, or shower...if they want to help me shop for dresses. I do not expect my party to help out w/ any aspect. I'm pretty prepped to do it on my own but always the gesture of throwing a b.party, etc is nice but not expected on my end.
    Posted by missindia87[/QUOTE]

    Good deal.  Sounds like you don't even need to make that a factor then in who to choose.  I suggest you wait until around this time next year and if you're still just as close to both of them, ask them both.   You can have more than one MOH. 
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    missindia87missindia87
    First Comment
    That's why expect zero help from anyone in my w.party, family, and friends. I am totally on top of doing this on my own.

    My question is based off of the relationship I have with each person. In my head the people that I've chosen as attendants (whether they accept or not) is based off of our love as friends and our friendship. I'm blessed to have those people as friends and I just want to bestow an honor on them that I feel they deserve when the time comes.
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    mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_to-have-2-mohs-or-not-to-have-2-mohsthat-is-my-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:dacc06bb-05fd-4b3b-8c1e-2a2fb2948db1Post:cff4ffb3-d5bd-45b1-9e31-4e0b217a74bd">Re: to have 2 moh's or not to have 2 moh's...that is my question</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's why expect zero help from anyone in my w.party, family, and friends. I am totally on top of doing this on my own. My question is based off of the relationship I have with each person. In my head the people that I've chosen as attendants (whether they accept or not) is based off of our love as friends and our friendship. I'm blessed to have those people as friends and I just want to bestow an honor on them that I feel they deserve when the time comes.
    Posted by missindia87[/QUOTE]

    That's all well and good, but your entire first post centered around your thoughts about who will be most available to help you with the planning. Soooo, I'm not quite sure what you're asking here, if you're insisting that you know that it's not the MOH's job to help you plan your wedding. Because your first post doesn't seem to acknowledge that at all.

    The answer to "Who should be MOH?" is, "Your closest friend(s)." It's fine if that's one person, two people, or nobody. Nothing else - distance, availability, finances - should factor into that decision.
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    alzell02alzell02 member
    First Comment First Anniversary

    The way I look at it. It is YOUR wedding!!! Do what YOU want!!! I have 3 amazing sisters, several best friends and two really close guy friends. I have two maids of honor (my sister and my best friend), a man of honor and 6 more bridesmaids and my gay friend is my wedding planner. This is the day you will remember for the rest of your life, make it special for YOU!!!!!!!

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    SKPMSKPM member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to Re:to have 2 moh's or not to have 2 moh's...that is my question:[QUOTE]The way I look at it. It is YOUR wedding!!! Do what YOU want!!! I have 3 amazingnbsp;sisters, several best friends and two really close guy friends. I have two maids of honor my sister and my best friend, a man of honor and 6 more bridesmaids and my gay friend is my wedding planner. This is the day you will remember for the rest of your life, make it special for YOU!!!!!!! Posted by alzell02[/QUOTE]
    Off topic from the OP... But what does your friend's sexual preference have to do with anything? OP, regarding the WP, ask your nearest and dearest about 69 months before the wedding. Personally, I was thankful to pick the people who had seen me at my worst and at my best, who I knew I could count on to be genuine friends the day of the wedding without causing drama or anything ridiculous. Pick the people you want to have at your rehearsal dinner if you have one, in your room or suite when you get dressed for hot wedding, and standing by your side as you marry your FI.

    photo fancy-as-fuck.jpg
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    Robyn5298Robyn5298 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    If you want both your cousin and BF to be your Maids of Honor, ask them both! 

    You have the right attitude when it comes to not asking your bridal party to be your unpaid wedding planners.  If your cousin is too busy to partake in the shower/bachelorette party when the time comes around, that's okay.  Of course you will miss her, but these aren't pre-requisites to being one of your honored attendants.

    My suggestion is to not choose one MOH over the other due to potential scheduling conflicts.  I think you should ask whoever you want, and if they decline for whatever reason you'll be gracious and understanding.

    Good luck!
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    cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I'll just add that I had 2 MOH's in a wedding party of 4, and no one side-eyed it. 
    It was a fairytale. Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary
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