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out of town bms to winter wedding

saraphaeriesaraphaerie member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
hi all. i'm new to the listserve so please bear with me. here goes: i've made my shortlist of possible bridesmaids and, with the exception of one, they all live out of town. in fact, they all live in nice, sunny climes where they've probably never seen more than a foot of snow at once. here's the problem: we're having a january wedding in a midwestern state that gets its fair share of snow. it's a small wedding, mostly family, and i'd love for them to be there. but... asking them to brave temps below zero seems like an unreasonable request. plus, we're planning on having a big reception in the summer with a lot of friends. while i'd love these lifelong friends to stand up with me i'm torn... they'd likely have a better time at the summer reception, and get to reunite with friends they haven't seen for awhile since we're all scattered. but i'd really miss them on the big day. i definitely wouldn't expect them to come to both. thoughts?
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Re: out of town bms to winter wedding

  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Invite them to both. It's not up to you to say whether they'd want to come or enjoy themselves. I'm a lifelong Californian and I'd go through sub-zero temperatures to go to the wedding of a really dear friend. I'm sure I'm not alone.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You're really overthinking this. I can't imagine turning down a good friend's bridesmaid offer because the weather in her hometown isn't exactly what I'm used to. It's not like you're getting married naked in an igloo, right? The deciding factor on whether you want someone as your bridesmaid should be, "Am I so close to her that I'd be bummed out if she was not next to me during my wedding ceremony?" Anything else - weather, money problems, pregnancy, travel costs, whatever - is up to HER to decide whether or not it's a burden. And if she says that it is, you should offer to help her out however you can, but then graciously accept it if she just can't do it. It's nice that you are concerned for their comfort and want them to have fun. But let THEM decide if the cold weather will be too much for them. I very much doubt that it would be, unless they have health problems that the cold weather would make worse.
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    Ask them and invite them to both . I know I woudl be hurt beyond measure if a friend did not ask me to be a bm because she thought I was afraid of snow. Leave it up to them to decide Although I think it is silly that you are thinking yoru friends will be scared away by snow yet your family it is no big deal and thus you need a 2nd reception for the summer folks. Why not pick one summer or winter since you will save a ton buy not having 2 receptions
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    Also as your friends the better event to skip is the random summer party as that is meaningless and teh wedding is a very meaningful event  
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  • saraphaeriesaraphaerie member
    First Comment
    hi all, i appreciate the advice, most of which is quite helpful.i'm surprised, however, that ffmaid is so vehement in her criticism of my dilemma and in particular of our decision to have a separate reception which, in her words, is "random" and has little to do with the "more important" event of the wedding itself. i didn't post my question to receive criticism like this, and i don't appreciate the lack of tact or thoughtfulness in your replies. in fact, we've been very thoughtful as we've considered what to do with our wedding. the truth is, i've never been interested in a large-event wedding... where i'm on display... where we give into consumerism. i've always thought of the ceremony as a private event to be witnessed only by intimate friends and family. having the reception later, as a separate event, will give our friends the chance to celebrate with us over the course of a few days, rather than seeing us for all of 5 minutes at a crowded reception. as for my bridesmaids, yes, i will leave it up to them to decide. but i do feel that for my fiance and i, the reception is the more important event (for friends)--it will the event that's remembered. i'm going to think twice before posing again on a knot board.
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    If the 2nd reception is more important to you why not just get married then rather then in Jan. In my mind what matters is the marriage and teh weding is when you get married. The real reeception is the reception you have immediatly post wedding. The 2nd reception montsh later is just a big party and no different or more special than any other big party a friend has. If you were my friend  or relative I cared about I woudl do anything to make it to your wedding. If out of town automatically RSVP no to a party months later that involved out of town travel. Particularly if not invited to the wedding.The summer party is nothing special just a party. The winter event is a wedding and in very very important. Do you see the difference?? I'm sorry if it came across as harsh.
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    If you're so anti-consumerism, why not just have the small wedding and skip a reception altogether? It's a total contradiction to say you want a small wedding because you don't like how commercial it is and then to say you're still having the big reception, as if having it six months later somehow makes it less commercial. You're giving into the "consumerism" of it all by having the big reception. I honestly was wondering the same thing--why not have them at the same time? Six months apart is a little unusual and it does beg the question why you wouldn't have them together. It's not a criticism but a questions since it's unusual way of doing things.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
    Report Reply
  • saraphaeriesaraphaerie member
    First Comment
    It's a legitimate question. I'm in graduate school, and we'd like people to come for a few days. Summer is the best option for our extended network of friends. And the reception isn't actually going to be traditional. We're going to rent cabins, or a retreat center, and spend a few days with good friends to celebrate. We'll have something more formal on one of the weekend days, but it won't be fancy/commercial ;).  
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