Jewish Weddings

Do we need a ketubah?

Hi everyone, this is my first post on the knot.  I'm getting married in 2 months and just hammering out the details.  To give a summary, my FH is Jewish and I'm not.  My mother is Jewish (I converted out of it) and obviously FH's parents are.  Out of respect for my mother (and his parents) I said we could have a rabbi do the ceremony.  Now both me and FH aren't religious AT ALL so we're not doing a lot of the traditional Jewish customs.  Now we just want to know if we can have a ceremony without a ketubah.  Honestly, I've read some of them and they don't mean a thing to me or him.  Has anyone ever attended a Jewish ceremony where there was no ketubah?

Re: Do we need a ketubah?

  • edited December 2011
    Have you asked the rabbi if it was ok to not have a ketubah? To be honest, I can't even imagine a rabbi preforming a Jewish ceremony with out a ketubah, since it is technically the marriage license/contract. There are a lot of ketubahs out there that you can totally customize so they fit fi and yours life/relationship.. this includes a lot of ketubahs geared towards interfaith couples. I'd ask the rabbi before you make any decision. He might say you don't need one but if he says you do, you'll have to find something soon.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you for the reply.  Our rabbi is pretty laid back.  He's even letting us use the gazebo outside as a chuppah.  I hope he's not a stickler for such details but we'll call today and see how it goes.
  • ShoshieShoshie member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've never seen a Jewish wedding without a ketubbah. It is a Jewish marriage contract. So basically, a Jewish wedding without one, is not a Jewish wedding -- it is like having a Jewish wedding without a rabbi. You can get a kettubah that is fairly secular in what it says, but it is an agreement between you and your FI -- not just a piece of paper.
    image
    Adam & Shoshie 10-21-07: "My family is big and loud and everybody's in each other's lives and business. ... but wherever I go, they will always be there." * My Blog: Tales of a Hopeful Jewish Mom to Be * BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    Even though you don't think its big deal and that it is a small detail, you should realize that if your rabbi requires you to have one, its because a Jewish wedding is not Jewish with out a ketubah.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Also, most Jewish authorities would say that you are Jewish (despite the fact that you "converted out of it"), you'd technically be viewed as a non-observant Jew.  :-) That aside, as others have said, it's not a marriage really if there's no ketubah.  While you wouldn't need a rabbi or guests or other things under Jewish law, you would need a ketubah.  There are plenty of different wording variations to choose from if you don't want to go traditional.  You could also write your own - which to me would suit you both and be a lovely reminder each time you saw it. So why not go that route and look at that way.  But to answer your original questions, no, I have never been to a Jewish ceremony without a ketubah because then it wouldn't be a Jewish ceremony.  GL.
  • bonniebrettbonniebrett member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    my jewish friend married a catholic man, with the ceremony being outside under the gazebo as a chuppah (don't know if that's leniant, or just acceptable in general). They had a priest and a rabbi, and had a ketubah. in looking online for ketubah's, i saw that one option for text was designed for interfaith marraiges. just good ketubah, and you should find some examples.
  • bonniebrettbonniebrett member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ps. even if you do the interfaith ketubah, you have to make sure it's acceptable for your rabbi. like it or not, he will have requirements for a wedding he performs, and you'll be SOL if you don't follow them. good luck!
  • bonniebrettbonniebrett member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    sorry for the 3rd post, i meant google ketubah, not good ketubah
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards