Not sure about the wedding.....sad

citygirl17 · August 2009

Ok guys, this is very depressing, so if you don't want to read a sad post, turn back! You've been warned!FI's mother has cancer and has been in the hospital for the past month or so. We just visited her all this past weekend, and as much as I like to be optimistic about everything, she didn't look good at all. Without getting into details, her cancer has spread and they have told her to get her affairs in order and appoint a healthcare proxy =(With our wedding still more than a year away, I can't honestly say that she's going to make it that long. I don't want to think this way, but it's become the reality for her situation. I have begun to consider the wedding and how the plans might change if she passes away. Should we postpone all wedding planning for now? She is our first priority at the moment. I have also heard of couples who have a small ceremony in the hospital so a sick parent / loved one can witness it. I'm wondering if this should be an option for us, and then we can still go ahead and have the nice ceremony and reception with the entire family as planned next year. Of course this would steal the thunder of the day, but we love her and want to include her as much as possible. Or maybe I could just go see her one day in a wedding dress so she can get the full effect but wait for the ceremony?Any advice? What would you guys do??

foolforfood · August 2009

So sorry to hear about your FMIL. She's lucky to have such a caring FDIL. I think having a small ceremony would be a great option. Why don't you walk it over with your FI and his family and see if it's actually something they would want. A lot of people make it legal before they throw a big party, so you wouldn't be alone. Forwhat it's worth, family means a great deal to me and I would definitely want my parents to witness my wedding, no matter the circumstances.

mrsandmrsbins · August 2009

I would have FI talk to his mom about if she would like to see him get married. You can really do a lovely ceremony in a hospital chapel, dress and all, walking down an isle, and she could be there. You could still plan the bigger wedding and reception for next year, I don't think it would be innappropriate to still have a celebration at that time if it's over a year from now. If it's that far out, you really don't need to worry about planning at this point, I would just put that on hold. I think a wedding she could go to would be a wonderful option for you if thats something she would like.

junelley · August 2009

I am so sorry your FMIL is so ill and I agree that she's lucky to have a FDIL who is so caring. Rather than postponing the wedding, I'd try to have a small ceremony in the hospital so she can witness it. The mother of the bride/groom is one of the key person in a wedding, and I would try to include everyone, especially in a circumstance like yours. You can always have a bigger, more formal ceremony/reception as you've planned later.

mainezilla · August 2009

I'm so sorry to hear about your FMIL, you are very thoughtful. I would talk to you FI, FFIL, FMIL, and see what their thoughts are. It will be a hard conversation, but I'm sure that everyone will be so touched of you guys thinking of them.

foolforfood · August 2009

walk = talk

Krystalynne21 · August 2009

I am so sorry to hear this

I agree that you should talk to FI and family about doing a small ceremony in the hospital. It is a huge day, and I couldn't imagine either of my parents missing it. It might "steal the thunder" of the original wedding date, but I am willing to bet that FI will love you 100000x more for making sure his mom witness his wedding. My thoughts and prayers are with you and FI's family

gmc222 · August 2009

So sorry to hear about your situation. You're very sweet to be so concerned and want to include her. I hope everything works out

caitymur · August 2009

Hi Citygirl, I am very sorry to hear about your FMIL. I was faced with a similar situation this past year as my father had cancer and when it got to the point where we knew it was terminal we talked to him about it. He said that he didn't want our wedding to be different than what we were planning. He didn't want our memory of getting married to be in a hospital and to be sad in anyway. I think the fact that he knew we would be getting married made him just as happy as if he was going to be there. Not sure if your FMIL would feel the same way, but I definitely recommend having FI talk to her to see what she would like. Goodluck, I will be thinking of your family.

FtMrskram · August 2009

Sorry to hear about this...I wouldn't even talk to FMIL about it...I would just pull the closest of close people together and set it up at the hospital. Have her come down and be suprised!!! The look on her face would be priceless! Nobody needs to know it is official. It will be the secret of the people there and for a good reason!I'm getting all teary just thinking about it!

Beantown Mama · August 2009

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree with PPs that you should talk it out with Fi, FFIL and FMIL and see what they would want to do. If it were me, I would probably do a small ceremony in the hospital and maybe have a one year anniversary party/renewal of vows a year later for other friends and family.

WalknByTheH2O · August 2009

I am so sorry to hear about this. Having gone through a similar situation, I know how hard it can be.I definitely agree with some of the previous posts. I think it would mean so much to your FMIL (and really everyone in FI's family) if she could watch her son get married. If that means setting up a small, private ceremony in the hospital, then I think that's a great idea. It's definitely something you need to have a serious discussion about with FI and his family. My dad died of cancer in March, and I can't tell you how happy he was just knowing that he got to see his daughter get married (we were lucky - at the time of our September wedding, he was still well enough to walk me down the aisle and really enjoy the entire day). When he passed away, it was such a comfort to myself and my entire family to know that he had been there - I'm sure the same would hold true for your FI and his family.As far as your actual wedding goes, I don't think you should cancel or postpone it just yet. You still have plenty of time to get things organized, so taking a little hiatus from planning won't be that bad. Besides, I bet your FMIL would hate to see you guys abandon your plans for your dream wedding.Again, I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time!

jkepros · August 2009

So sorry to hear about your FMIL! That is a tough situation. I think I agree with the pps that say you should talk it over with FI & FILs and see what their thoughts are. You might be able to do a mini ceremony with FMIL and a larger ceremony later. You could even keep the first one a secret if you don't want the 2nd wedding to seem less than a "real" wedding. I am sure you will figure out a wonderful solution that makes FI and his parents very happy. Hang in there!!

kebmtm071605 · August 2009

I'm sorry to hear about your FMIL.Having a small ceremony at the hospital would probably mean the world to her, and I don't think it would steal the thunder of your bigger celebration next year. And if she makes a miraculous recovery and is able to be there next year, there will be all the more to celebrate.

LoveAdopted · August 2009

First of all I want to say that the same thing was happening with my grandfather last year- he had just gone through his 5th brain operation to remove a recurring tumor. My grandmother, aunt, and father were called to a family meeting to get his affairs in order and left it at that- it was not looking good. That being said, he is now back to decent health, considering all the treatments and illnesses he's been though. My mother was the same- very very grim outlook, and she beat her cancer and made it another 11 years. I know it's hard, but don't give up hope just yet. You never know what tomorrow will bring. If you truly feel that there is a need for a ceremony now, and you and FI are willing and happy to do that, I say go for it. Maybe it could take place in a nearby public garden or historic building, and if fmil cannot leave, many hospitals have gardens or fountains that would make a nice backdrop. I'm sure that would mean the world to your fmil, but you would have to discuss that with family. I wouldn't put your wedding plans on hold just yet- take some time to think it through and decide what you want. If you have a ceremony now, will you regret not having a larger celebration later? Like pp said, you could keep it a secret and act like you are not married- don't change your name, insurance, etc. Hang in there! We are thinking of you

Not sure about the wedding.....sad

Re: Not sure about the wedding.....sad

Choose Another Board

Search Boards