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What do you even say?

dawnfromtexasdawnfromtexas member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
A serious question. I have a number of friends who are having trouble getting pregnant. One friend has had several miscarriages.Other than "I'm so sorry" what do you say when someone tells you this kind of thing? I don't want to sound dismissive by saying, "I'm sure it'll work out" cause I don't know that.
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Re: What do you even say?

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    ggmaeggmae member
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    "I'm really sorry to hear that and I'm here for you if you ever need anything or just need to talk." It's one of those situations where if that happened to me and if everyone was telling me "I'm sorry," I'd want to punch something.
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    shanwalk2shanwalk2 member
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    "I'm so sorry to hear that... do you or your huband need anything? No??? Okay, well call me if/when you need anything. I'll be thinking about you"
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    "The House We Built."
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    bbyckesbbyckes member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    I have friends in the same predicament.  I do say I'm sorry you are going through this and that this happened to you.  I also let them know that I am there if they need to talk.From experience my friends have shared that hearing, "I'm sure it will work out" or some derivative is the LAST thing they want to hear.
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    bbyckesbbyckes member
    First Comment Combo Breaker
    correction - that this is happening to you.
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    EmmaBride2BEmmaBride2B member
    First Comment
    I actually worked with a professor who was doing some research on how people give advice in this situation. You can probably read some summary type stuff here, if you're interested at all: http://tinyurl.com/kjv4kt But from a more personal experience, my mom miscarried, and even though she's very religious, hearing her MIL say something to the effect that God has a plan, really hurt her. I'm guessing that "things will work out" might have the same kind of effect? I'd probably just stick to "I'm so sorry, if you ever need to talk I'm here for you."
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    mandapanda78mandapanda78
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    My bridesmaid is going through this. Three invitro attempts so far and no luck. This is probably totally unhelpful for you, but my response to her has generally been, "So, where are we going to get a drink?"
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    Mryan209Mryan209 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    After knowing several people that have miscarried, here are a few lines it seems people don't like to hear:You're still young. At least you know you're able to get pregnant. This happens to a lot of people. Not that you would, but the worst I've heard of was said to a woman whose baby died at like 38 weeks:It's just a miscarriage, it's not like the baby was actually born.  I think "I'm sorry", and staying away from those lines are really the best bet in these situations because it's SUCH a personal experience.
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    3plus2=53plus2=5
    First Comment
    As someone who has been through a few miscarriages, please do not say "It's probably for the best" or "It just wasn't meant to be this time" or "Better now than if it had grown into a real baby". I know you wouldn't be that callous, Dawn, but for anyone else out there reading this.   A simple "I'm sorry" or "Let me know if you need to talk about it" will be much, much better received.
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    dawnfromtexasdawnfromtexas member
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    Thanks, Ladies. Lyndsey I'll check it out.
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    chosen175chosen175 member
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    One of the hardest thing I ever did was announcing my pregnancy to the few people I knew who weren't able to get pregnant.  My only advice would be to say "I'm sorry" or "That is so unfair" and leave it at that.  This is one of those situations where less would be more.
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    dawnfromtexasdawnfromtexas member
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    One of the hardest thing I ever did was announcing my pregnancy to the few people I knew who weren't able to get pregnantI think about that too. That's rough.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    "bummer, dude."
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