Bridal Shower = gift from Matron of Honor?

frankle · January 2013

I am the Matron of Honor in a wedding in May. The bride told me to plan a couples shower. I planned one at an Art Gallery/Coffee Shop with a theme of wine and cheese.

The bride didn't like the ide for the following reasons:

1. The Art Gallery was the same location as my rehearsal dinner a year ago. (My Response: only 4 people know that, anyways who cares its four walls that I'm using as a location because I can afford it: $75 an hour and I can bring in my own food)

2. No one that is coming likes wine. My response: Seriously no one like juice? I chose the wine theme because you and your fiance make wine together, to which she replied that he doesn't even like wine. Again, who doesn't like grapes and juice. So I told her I'd have beer there too.

3. Last reason: The Art Gallerys is pieced off and we are worried not everyone will be able to watch us open gifts. My response: thats not true and what man wants to watch a bride and groom open gifts anyway.

My point in all of this was that she told me to plan her a couples bridal shower and I did. She hates the idea and got another bridesmaid to pick a different location. So I assumed I no longer had to plan it. When I told her, "let me know if I need to bring anything," she was appalled and said, "You aren't going to plan it anymore!?"

I just can't believe this bride. If she wants a specific type of shower at a specific location.... then she needs to plan it.

A shower is a gift. It costs money, time, and right now she's acting extremely ungrateful.

Am I way off base here?

elbow23 · January 2013

Reason 1 does seem silly - you host what you can afford, and if it happens that you used that location a year ago, so be it. Reasons 2 and 3, however, seem valid.

Will there be any beverages available other than alcohol? You are correct that a shower is a gift, but she is also correct that wine is not for everyone. I don't drink, so I would be very upset if I arrived at a party to discover nothing but wine. (In all honesty, I'd probably leave early because of it, if for no other reason than the fact that I'd be really thirsty!)

Furthermore, the point of a shower is to present the bride (and the groom, in this case) with gifts. I would also be very upset if I arrived at the party but was unable to participate in the gift-opening process because I couldn't fit into the room.

frankle · January 2013

I would have provided water and soda. Sorry I failed to mention that, also it is at a coffee shop, coffee would have been available as well.

Also, the space is completey open. Like I said to her, her concern was mute, it is a completely open modern space. From any point in the location you can see everything.

Here is the place with pictures: http://www.redtreegallery.net/rental/

frankle · January 2013

Oh, and I definetly appreciate your input. I'm trying to wrap my mind around this. I am extremely upset because I spent quite a few hours thinking about the brides interests, contacting locations that I can afford to rent..... and she just hated it.

lls31 · January 2013

Wow, she sounds like an ungrateful brat. If I was in your situation, I would seriously rethink being in the wedding.

I don't really understand what a man watching the gift opening has to do with the room being pieced off. If there is a chance that any guest won't be able to see, I would probably rethink the layout.

Darbie914 · January 2013

First and foremost, I am appalled that she had the audacity to TELL you to plan a shower. Showers are GIFTS and you should never dictate what kind of gift someone gives you or even demand one be given. She sounds like an entitled peach.

If I were you, I would back out of the planning and let the other bridesmaid handle it. If she asks why you backed out, tell her the truth. She needs to be taken down a notch in my book.

daveANDkristen · January 2013

Well, she shouldn't have asked you to plan a shower for her in the first place. As you said, a shower is a gift, not a requirement.

It sounds like you really tried to plan this shower with the couple's interests in mind, with
the wine theme since they make wine. The location sounds good to me and I think it's silly of her to not want it there because it's where your rehearsal dinner was.

It sounds like the bride had her own ideas of what she wanted her shower to be like. From your OP, she sounds a bit bratty, but it's hard to say without knowing her. I would probably just be honest with her and say that you tried your best to throw a great shower for her but it doesn't seem to be what she wanted. When she asked a different BM to change the venue, you thought that BM would be hosting. If I were you, I'm not sure I would still want to host a shower for her.

AdeleDazeem · January 2013

Are you way off base? Absolutely not. This bride is a piece of work.

elbow23 · January 2013

In Response to Re: Bridal Shower = gift from Matron of Honor?:
[QUOTE]I would have provided water and soda. Sorry I failed to mention that, also it is at a coffee shop, coffee would have been available as well. Also, the space is completey open. Like I said to her, her concern was mute, it is a completely open modern space. From any point in the location you can see everything. Here is the place with pictures: http://www.redtreegallery.net/rental/
Posted by frankle[/QUOTE]

Thanks for clarifying. Given this fact, I see nothing wrong with your original wine/cheese plan. I'm sorry you put in the effort just to get shot down.

missfrodo · February 2013

The bride is being ridiculous. She has no right to demand that you throw her a party, and she should be grateful if you offer her a party at all, regardless of location. I have a feeling she is going to lose some of her closest friends if she continues to treat you all this way. I would definitely decline to plan anymore events for her. Good luck!

misssunshine17 · February 2013

I think you need to ditch this girl and find a new friend.

mrsbobfilson · February 2013

Wow! I cannot believe the nerve of the bride!! First and foremost,it was extremely RUDE of her to tell you to throw her a bridal shower! And then you put alot of thought and time into planning her one and she doesn't want "that one"
   When she asked another bridesmaid to throw her another bridal shower,she was wayyyy out of line!! If I were you I would sit her down for a real heart to heart..let her know how she has hurt your feelings. Unless the bride is your sister,i would cut ties with her. She has no regards for your feelings....
    When she asked a different BM to change the venue, you thought that BM would be hosting...I would assume that..if the BM changes the venue why should you incur the costs???
   Do you have money tied up in the art gallery? deposits and such? favors? If you wish you maintain your friendship,maybe its not too late to change the location???
   I am very sorry this happened to you.You seem like a good hearted friend who tried to accommodate both the men and women.

Bridal Shower = gift from Matron of Honor?

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