Community› Local Wedding Boards› DC
DC
New Discussion

last-minute name jitters (long!)

erh909erh909
First Comment
in DC
So I'm getting married on Sunday (yay!) and am having last-minute doubts about my decision not to change my name. Not changing it makes a lot of sense to me, because I'm licensed and published under my last name so changing it would be a huge hassle and might mean not getting credit for some of my work. I also feel like I identify much more with my family (who shares my last name) than I do with his (personality-wise, our families are really different), and our names are both equally boring and bland so it's not like I'd be getting some really cool and glamorous name if I changed. In general, keeping my name seemed like a total no-brainer. My fiance would like me to change my name but has never made a fuss about it and was totally accepting of my decision. What's changed? Over the last week or so I've been going through some really unpleasant stuff related to my work (perfect timing, right?) and my fiance has been unbelievably amazing and wonderful and I'm being reminded a hundred times a day of why I'm so lucky to have him. Suddenly, the idea of changing my name just to make him happy seems like a great idea and I keep thinking of how fun it would be to surprise him with the news. But the logistics of it are still painful. I've heard of lots of women who use one name socially and another at work, but does anyone know how that really works? If you change your name legally but are paid under your old name, what happens with taxes and social security? Has anyone been through this who could advise? Or am I just reacting to a painful situation and when it blows over I'll wish I'd stuck with my original choice? Aagh! I miss stressing about seating arrangements...
BabyFruit Ticker
Report Reply to Post

Re: last-minute name jitters (long!)

  • kastlekastle
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    a) You don't have to make any name decisions right away.  I know a girl that waited 2 years to decide.  There is no deadline for this.b) I legally changed my name to:Anna Belle Jones Smith (made up names) where "Belle Jones" is my middle name (Jones being maiden) and Smith is my last name.  It's an option.  Professionally I sometimes go by Anna Jones Smith (which would be similar to Anna Belle Jones formerly) c) Social & legal are 2 separate things.  I mean, do you go by your full first name?  Let's say your name is Elizabeth but you socially go by Beth.  Your employer's records & the federal government will officially know you as Elizabeth.  But everyone calls you Beth and I'm sure you don't mix up what name to put on official documents It's the same deal with last names.  Anythign "official" (taxes, employment papers, financial docs, etc) would have your legal last name on it.  Anything not official could be whatever (magazine subscriptions, invites to events, your email address, etc)
    Report Reply
  • tracy_ktracy_k member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My boss changed her name to her husband's name legally (her driver's license, passport, official work forms, paychecks, etc) but uses her non-married name at work (email address, business cards, etc). Seems to work much more simply than it sounds. :)But yes -- there is no rush.
    Report Reply
  • salyse530salyse530
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's a great question ERH.  I am a physician and work with the criminally insane (literally) and I want to legally hyphenate my last name so that all personal stuff will be under my soon to be husband's last name, but everyone at work and all my licenses and everything stay with my maiden name... does it work this way?
    Report Reply
  • erh909erh909
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks so much, salyse--that's what I'm trying to figure out too! I'm afraid that if I changed my name legally I would have to change my diploma, my USMLE certification, my specialty board certification, my state license and my DEA number--which was a pretty big disincentive when I was thinking about it before :) I guess if I decide that I really want to change my name I'll do it, but I was hoping there might be another way...
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • salyse530salyse530
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ERH, if you find out the answer, please let me know salyse530 at yahoo dot com.  I don't want my patients to know my new last name (though it won't be listed), and I don't want to accidentally so something that is legally not kosher with my licensing and prescription writing.
    Report Reply
  • 2dBride2dBride member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The name you use at work must be your legal name, since the name on your W-2 has to match up with the name on your Social Security card.  A woman who uses her husband's name only socially just does not change her name legally.Honestly, I'd stick with the original plan.  If he had a tough time and you were amazing over it, would you expect him to change his name to yours as a result?If you're in any doubt, I'd say to keep your name.  It is a lot easier to change your name later if you want to than to change your name back once you have already changed it.
    Anniversary
    Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards