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ABCD

ESJ'sBrideESJ'sBride
10 Comments
in South Asian Weddings
Allright- so here is the post on American Born Confused Desi's. As I already am one- I wonder how much more confused my kids will be with the already 1x over handed down information and customs/traditions I have adopted for myself. I grew up 1st generation and always felt a little lost/torn between here and India where the rest of my family lived.Anyone else feel this way? How will you strive to make sure that your kids don't feel even more removed from where their ancestors came from?
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Re: ABCD

  • Meghana55Meghana55 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I struggle with that as well.  I'm first generation and always felt torn between the two cultures.  I was definitely very ABCD-ish growing up, even though we had a large core group of indian family friends (and their kids) in the area.  Awkward rebelious teen years not wanting to associate with anything indian, growing up in a predominantly "white" town with only a few brown kids in school, etc.  I became WAY more indian when I went to college (at a college that's probably way more minority races than anything else) and surprisingly most of my friends are brown (indian/paki).  DH grew up kind of the same way, but had more indian friends growing up.As for making sure my kids don't feel even more confused...that's a toughie!  I'll definitely be having our moms babysit quite often.  My dad will probably teach them all about their roots/the religion.  Unfortunately the language will probably be lost.  DH doesn't speak a word and I dabble, but nowhere near fluent.   Trips to India, Diwali/Deepawali with the families, teaching them the little things (touching the feet of elders, only accepting/doing things with your right hand), and of course eating the food (if I can learn how to cook south indian food!!)We'll try and plan to have kids around the same time as our friends so they'll be forced to hang out with other brown kids haha.
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  • ESJ'sBrideESJ'sBride
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with having my folks spend as much time as possible with my kids to absorb what hasn't left them with their own conformities. My folks have been in the states going on well over 30 years which has affected what customs and traditions they chose to continue on with daily. I am all for the respect towards elders with touching the feet as well as calling older siblings by an affectionate designation vs. their given names. I just remember feeling out of place sometimes during my travels to India as a child since I was more outgoing and not so reserved as my other female cousins and can only see that inevitably happening more so to my future child whenever they may visit. I'm just like you Meghana, I had so many non-brown friends growing up that I really felt displaced whenever I did cultural things or went to temple events. I have found some sort of middle ground that I am happy with though now that I'm older. I just hope it can stay grounded :)
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  • katie978katie978 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    oh good, I'm glad you started a post on this.  FI grew up in rural Kentucky.  Need I say more??  Oh right, he's marrying a blonde.  Clearly no confusion whatsoever  ;)I am really interested to see how things are for the next generation.  Both for those who will be pure 2nd generation and for those who will be biracial.  I SO agree, Meghana, that having kids when/where our other brown friends have them is key.  & same with having FILs around as long as possible.  The fact that they are 70 yrs old is a significant reason why I want to start trying more or less immediately after the wedding.  We've also thought about it in terms of where to live.  We'd like to be somewhere less expensive than DC, but it seems like there are so few options for places that are more affordable but also have substantial desi populations.  (Esp since I can't handle the Chicago cold!)  My goal of course is to find a way to blend the best parts of both cultures and leave the rest behind.  Or at least avoid doing the opposite!  And because I LOVE all the 1st gen literature available these days, I'm really interested to see what comes out of the next generation. 
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  • dublintomadrasdublintomadras
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yep, our kids are going to be very confused.  But my husband and I were also pretty confused growing up (and neither of us was born in the US, so we both were FOBs with weird accents and weird immigrant kid clothes in elementary school).  Oh well, more fodder for our kids' ivy league college admission essays (no pressure, my unborn children!).
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  • ESJ'sBrideESJ'sBride
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ...so we both were FOBs with weird accents and weird immigrant kid clothes in elementary school.That is hilarious! I definitely had some weird taste in clothing thanks to my mom. Although I have to say she made sure I matched with EVERYTHING. Pink or whatever color of the day socks, sneakers, pants, turtleneck shirts, headband and scrunchie. I was the epitomy of overmatching -  just when you thought it wasn't possible. I really think that as time goes by and the fusion of different cultures becomes more of the norm this will be something we won't have to worry too much about in the future.
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  • mastistylemastistyle
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    When I go to India-they look at me like I am ET...of course I have the american accent, andI am def. alot more liberal, but it is funny. I think it is always hard to preserve cultures when you are so removed from it-but I think it is great that you ladies have that want to do that.
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  • katie978katie978 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    don't worry, I was fully American and definitely in weird clothes with weird hair anyway!  It was the '80s after all!
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  • Meghana55Meghana55 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I really think that as time goes by and the fusion of different cultures becomes more of the norm this will be something we won't have to worry too much about in the future. I totally agree.  I think SA culture is becoming much more prevalent in the media so our kids will be surrounded by it a lot more than we were growing up.  Like if I had to get dressed in Indian garb for a family function and friends saw me, it definitely wasn't all that "cool" to wear foreign clothes.  Now, so many designers use SA inspiration for their lines.  And like the post below, bollywood dancing is everywhere now.  And the majority of my non-SA friends LOVE indian food. 
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  • Meghana55Meghana55 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My mom was really good at sewing so she would make dresses for me all the time until I was probably 6 or 7. LOL.  I remember one in particular being coral, with matching coral scrunchi socks and a coral hair scrunchie! 
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  • Puja20Puja20
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I definetely went through the confused stage, hating being Indian and wishing I was "American stage!"  The teen years were hard, my parents were sooooo different from my friends and I always had some family function or another to attend.  I couldn't date and talk to my parents about my boyfriends like my friends could.  It was so frustrating.  But like Meghana, I really embraced my culture during the college years.  I just realized how cool it is to have such history and traditions.My kids will probably be really confused as I don't speak Hindi (understand it but don't speak).  I think and I will take some classes or something and my kids will for sure also be at the grandparents house learning about Indian culture!
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  • katie978katie978 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You guys will love this.  When we were last visiting our niece and nephew, we were all walking back in the house from the park and the 5 year old niece turns around and says, "I love being Indian!!"  soo cute!  And totally made me think, I sure hope she is able to hold onto that (even after the thrill of she and I getting to be princesses at my wedding :) ) when she's older!  They have her in an international school, which I think really helps since everyone's different cultures are celebrated.
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  • ESJ'sBrideESJ'sBride
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Aww Katie- that was really sweet. And Meghana I love that your mom made your clothes! My mom used to sew some creations herself back in the day. (Glad she gave that up though :) I hope this 'craze' of Bollywood turns out to be something permanently incorporated in the American way of life. Growing up I felt the recognition lacking since we didn't get holidays off from school for certain Indian holidays or the teachers in my classroom would celebrate the meaning of St. Patricks Day, Easter and Passover but not mention Ratha Yathra or Diwali. I think that will definitely change overtime as we are a growing population in this country.The fusion of music and fashion right now is a little taste of what India can offer the world and I hope it only continues from there.
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