Outdoor?

KoriA · April 2011

Okay, so I'm catholic, and my FI is christian, as is his whole family. We wanted to have an outdoor wedding that is still oficiated by a priest, so we can both be comfortable as well as our famlies. Does anybody know if it is possible to have a catholic wedding that is not actually inside the church building?
-Kori

ootmother2 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_outdoor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:796c1d94-6b76-4885-ab65-1bb0d3c50467Post:7bc5edec-820b-4fed-aacb-1d42cf67db0c">Outdoor?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, so I'm catholic, and my FI is christian, as is his whole family. We wanted to have an outdoor wedding that is still oficiated by a priest, so we can both be comfortable as well as our famlies. Does anybody know if it is possible to have a catholic wedding that is not actually inside the church building? -Kori
Posted by KoriA[/QUOTE]

No, Catholic weddings must take place in a church. I doubt there are any exceptions you could find.

KoriA · April 2011

NO? Hmm, I did some research that said we could but it had to be cleared by the Bishop, I just wasn't sure if the info I found was accurate. Thank you ootmother2!

KoriA · April 2011

Sorry,

I had to go find this... http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=27708 I really don't know if this is true information, or maybe it means something differnt than I thought?

caitriona87 · April 2011

This info is correct (I believe, it's quoting canon law.) I think the entire passage is referring to the dispensation necessary for a mixed marriage (one Catholic, one non-Catholic) which is the "cleared by the bishop" part but is quite common.

I'm guessing you are referring to this part:

"For appropriate pastoral reasons, a bishop can grant a dispensation from the Catholic form of marriage and can permit the marriage to take place in a non-Catholic church with a non-Catholic minister as the officiating minister. A priest may not only attend such a ceremony but may also address, pray with, and bless the couple."

but by "outside the Church" it means outside the normal Catholic Church/liturgy, not actually being outdoors (see bolded about non-Catholic church.) I don't have any experience with the types of reasons for which such a dispensation might be granted, but it does happen. It would be necessary for a Catholic to get one in order for their marriage to be recognized.

As far as actually OUTSIDE, I have never heard of it happening. Being married in a church is important to convey that this covenant takes place before God and with the intent of being a part of the Church throughout marriage.

Hope that helps!

KoriA · April 2011

Okay that makes sense! Thank you so much!!

ootmother2 · April 2011

thanks cait, I was over on Etiquette for a bit

bibliophile2010 · April 2011

As I understand it, there is (functionally) a sort of heirarchy of what is preferred in the instance of mixed marriages. The first preferance is always a wedding in a Catholic church performed by a Catholic priest. Then is a marriage in another house of worship where the priest participates in some way. Behind that is another venue, which is probably only going to be when there is a great disparity of cult.

Technically, all of these are possible. Any of these requires one or more dispensations from the bishop. As I understand it, a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic Christian is pretty routinely granted. The others may be harder to come by, depending on the circumstances. If there is not a grave reason for marrying outside of the church walls, the dispensation is far less likely to be granted. Again, this is based on my understanding of these things. I am certainly not an expert.

Your first step is to talk to your priest to see what his advice is. I would then "double check" by contacting the appropriate office within your diocese for what they tell you.

SoHappyToBeMrsC · April 2011

I have heard of a completely legit outdoor Catholic wedding, but there has to be an extremely good reason for it, and it requires a special dispensation from the Archbishop I believe.

The story went that the bride wanted to have her 91 year old grandmother at her wedding, but the grandma was frail and lived in a nursing home, and was not well enough to come to the wedding. I *think* there was also a special story about how the grandma brought the girl up in the Catholic faith because her parents had stopped going to church or something. Anyhoo, they were able to obtain a dispensation, and had the wedding ceremony in the gardens of the grandmother's nursing home.

So basically, having an outdoor wedding as a Catholic can only happen in extremely special circumstances, and is not available to the average person who just wants an outdoor ceremony.

By the way, I'm not sure why it would be more "comfortable" for his family to be sitting outside versus a church. It would still be a Catholic ceremony with a priest, the only difference is location. I'm sure it's not the building that troubles them, it's the religion itself, right?

KoriA · April 2011

SoHappy-
Thank you, I really appreciate your help.
.. And As for the Religion part, It is the religion, but also the uncomfortableness of being in the church. Most of them are converted from catholicism, and I guess a lot of them just don't ever want to go back. My FI doesn't Not want to get married if we can't do it outside, but he also doesn't really like to be inside the church building for his own personal reasons. I was just hoping there would be a happy medium we chould find for the two families. The other alternative would be to have Two weddings, but we don't really have the budget for that... Anyway, thanks again!

SoHappyToBeMrsC · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_outdoor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:796c1d94-6b76-4885-ab65-1bb0d3c50467Post:daa74255-29b2-4d91-ab84-d193ba43c111">Re: Outdoor?</a>:
[QUOTE]SoHappy- Thank you, I really appreciate your help. .. And As for the Religion part, It is the religion, but also the uncomfortableness of being in the church. Most of them are converted from catholicism, and I guess a lot of them just don't ever want to go back. My FI doesn't Not want to get married if we can't do it outside, but he also doesn't really like to be inside the church building for his own personal reasons. I was just hoping there would be a happy medium we chould find for the two families. The other alternative would be to have Two weddings, but we don't really have the budget for that... Anyway, thanks again! :)
Posted by KoriA[/QUOTE]

Not to be snarky, but it's one hour of their lives. If you and your FI want a Catholic wedding, then they need to put their big boy/girl panties on and deal with it. They can get over it for one hour. I would hope that in their selfishness they would not attempt to put their feelings first before YOUR day and YOUR marriage.

Sorry, but this kind of stuff makes me mad, LOL.

linzluvsgzuss · April 2011

I'm taking Canon Law right now and I think my professor said that if there was something really severe, like your FILs were another religion and would absolutely not attend a wedding in a Catholic Church or something along those lines, you could possibly petition the Bishop to get married outside.

I have a grandmother who is Southern Baptist and probably won't come to my wedding (since she didn't even go to my mom and dad's Catholic wedding) as it is in a Catholic Church. Her perspective frustrates me, but it doesn't negatively impact my ability to freely, joyfully marry my FI. If her perspective did cause problems and we wanted to get married outside, we could probably ask our Bishop. It's pretty rare for permission to be granted from what it sounds like, though. For clarity's sake, FI and I are *so* excited to get married in a Catholic Church, especially because we're getting married in a very beauitful Mission, and we love being able to gather in God's house to celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage. Good luck!

Calypso1977 · April 2011

if your guests are that uncomfortable with being in a church, then they can opt not to attend your ceremony. you shoudl nto deny yourselves a catholic wedding to make others "comfortable". it seems to me that its always catholics that seem to have this fear. i have never heard a jewish person or a hindu worry about making people uncomfortable at their weddings. i have never heard atheists be concerned with folks being uncomfortable. this still always baffles me every time i see someone with this concerns.

Meg1036 · April 2011

I agree completely with Calypso here. If getting married Catholic is important to you, and people (even important people) choose not attend, that's a consequence of their actions, not yours. A wedding ceremony, and especially the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, is very important, and I wouldn't be too open to hearing what others want from it.

doctabroccoli · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_outdoor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:796c1d94-6b76-4885-ab65-1bb0d3c50467Post:f9e0aa24-63de-4a77-9a14-fa510979e857">Re: Outdoor?</a>:
[QUOTE]if your guests are that uncomfortable with being in a church, then they can opt not to attend your ceremony. you shoudl nto deny yourselves a catholic wedding to make others "comfortable". it seems to me that its always catholics that seem to have this fear. i have never heard a jewish person or a hindu worry about making people uncomfortable at their weddings. i have never heard atheists be concerned with folks being uncomfortable. this still always baffles me every time i see someone with this concerns.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

My take on making guests "comfortable" is having the priest graciously explain things like the sign of peace and communion so that no one feels left out. I have been to several Catholic weddings were all the non-Catholics were just confused the whole time. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to make them feel as included as possible while still in the Church. If you get the right priest who says the right things, the Mass can be quite inclusive as far as the other guests understanding what is going on.

Meg1036 · April 2011

Veggie - with you there.

My mom's family isn't Catholic, so I am making very thorough programs, etc. so people can follow along.

For some reason I got the idea that in this case, it wasn't necessarily that people don't know about Catholicism, it's that they actually don't like/disagree with it and very purposefully don't practice it. That would be a lot harder to accommodate, and the only reason that I think the OP needs to think about whether or not having it in the Catholic church is worth potentially having important guests skip the ceremony.

mica178 · April 2011

I commend you for thinking of your guests' comfort at your ceremony.

However, in the vast majority of cases, for your marriage to be a Sacrament, it needs to happen in a church. There are some churches with outdoor altars, but those are still on church property, so that would not change the "atmosphere" for any person who is uncomfortable in a Catholic church.

If you ever pop into the Etiquette board, you will find brides being reminded to keep their guests comfortable during the wedding. By that, we mean that guests should all have a place to sit, food allergies should be respected, music played should not be offensive, etc.

However, there's a point where you need to remember the point of the day of marriage is your union. As a Catholic, that union needs to take place in a church, and if guests have such a probolem with the church, they can skip the ceremony and meet you all at the reception.

doctabroccoli · April 2011

I guess I look at it as kind of wondering why these family members chose to leave the Catholic Church. If they're still Christian, it's clearly not because they don't believe in God! I have to wonder if perhaps they belonged to a type of Church that really wasn't their thing. Every one of us is touched by our faith differently. Just to use myself as an example - I grew up Catholic and went to Catholic schools. Halfway through college, they closed our Newman center and instructed us to go to a very traditional parish down the road. Having already attended a few masses there, I decided not to go anymore, because the type of service there was not for me. I didn't go to Church while at school at all my last two years of college and my first two years of grad school until I broke out of my campus bubble and found a Church that was "me". I just have to wonder if Kori's FI's family left for a similar reason.

Meg1036 · April 2011

Veggie - tha's an angle I didn't think of. I jumped straight to them having a bigger problem. I went through a pretty similar process to you of finding the right church (I'm at a Newman Center now and very happy with it).

Calypso1977 · April 2011

docta, making them comfortable how you described makes sense.

but i've heard (even IRL from my sister in law, who is catholic and married a catholic) "i dont want mass because all of my friends will feel uncomfortable sitting through it because they dont understand it, and especially because it will be long".

hindu weddings are like 8 hours long. ive never heard a hindu say that they feel bad or are concerned for their guests. its much more "this is our culture, this is our wedding service, and so happy you can join us!". they dont bat an eye over it.

KoriA · April 2011

Thank you all for all your responses!
I know it was a long shot to ask to be married outside of a chuch, but I haven't been getting real clear answers yet, and the priest that I want to marry us has been rather busy lately, so I haven't even heard what he has to say yet
.... My FI doesn't mind getting married in the church at all he even said recently that if it came down to it, thats where we'd have it rather than haveing two seperate weddings. Were not crazy worried about accomodating other people, we are going to have a catholic wedding reguardless, but of course there are those in his family that won't attend a ceremony in the church. We will still invite them and they can attend the reception as Mica suggested
... I'm not exactly sure why the family converted, I suppose it had some to do with the church they were attending, but I also think that a lot of them just didn't understand the faith. I grew up in the catholic faith, and I never questioned what I was taught, but my FI is always asking me questions that I can't answer and that I never would have thought to ask, mostly things like confession and saints, which I assume his family didn't agree with. His parents and all the older family seem to have negative views of catholicism. When I first met his mom and she found out I was catholic, her reply was 'oh you're one of them'. His whole family (that I've met) is very loving and accomodating, including his mother and father (who was a pastor at his church) I know they will attend the wedding.
Thank you all again for all your help. I really appreciate it!!

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