Bachelor Party

hkiesling · September 2009

FI mentioned again last night that he's thinking about having his bach party the night before the wedding. There's a band playing that follows (Roger Clyne), and they're playing in Minneapolis that Friday night. Our rehearsal is at 6 PM, dinner at 7 PM, bowling from at least 7:30 - 8:30 PM. The band goes on around 10:30 and usually plays until 1:00-1:30 AM. He would then have to come back to St. Paul to sleep. The ceremony starts at 3:30 PM on Saturday. FI isn't a heavy drinker, but he will probably have a few drinks. All of the groomsmen will be with him. His plan before he found out about the concert was to have the bach party on that Thursday night, as some of the GM are from out of town, but will be there Thursday night.I don't think this is a great idea, but I don't want to start things off with "you can't do that." Am I over reacting? What would you do?

jlaroo33 · September 2009

I would worry about them all being hungover...I guess it all depends on the GM - are they heavy drinkers?

jrflannigan · September 2009

You are NOT overreacting! Of course, that's coming from me, the overreactor! I would say he should do his b-party some other night. He can still go see the band, but just calling it a bachelor party is a terrible idea! Bachelor party is an excuse for wayyyy too many drinks. Good luck!

huwehotaling · September 2009

I agree - a bachelor party the night before the wedding is asking for trouble. I would probably be more worried about the GMs drinking too much and looking hungover the next day. You already have something planned for the rehearsal dinner. What if you suggested that he see the first half of the band play so he can be home at a reasonable hour?

yellowbabyducky1 · September 2009

I agree with others. You are not over reacting.Perhaps a compromise...he does his bachelor party of Thursday and then him a his buddies can go see the band briefly on Friday (though, the key to this is trusting his buddies to get him home early).If you really trust your FI though, I might just let him decide. If he's fallen in love with the idea maybe it's not worth telling him "no". Will he eventually figure out that it's a bad idea...?

felaney · September 2009

FI is NOT a big drinker, but with his friends, at his bachelor party, I know they would make him drink more than he was planning on and when he does drink... nothing can wake him up! I am afraid he wouldn't hear his alarm clock or something plus who wants to get married hung over?? Not a good start!

wittyschaffy · September 2009

I agree with pps, NOT a good idea. FI and i are both doing ours 2 weekends ahead so no issues with being hung over or short on sleep for us.

hkiesling · September 2009

Well, I KNOW that once he's at the show he won't leave early. He might say he will try, but when it comes down to it, he'll be closing down the place with the band.The band tours in the area one to two times a year, and he always goes. It's really the only band that "follows." We've even driven out of state to go see them. We talked about it earlier this week, and I kind of laughed, because I didn't think he was serious (oops). But he brought it up again last night. I don't know. FI is a heavy sleeper anyway, and given the late hour getting in, I feel like he won't be up before 11 AM. He doesn't really have all that much to do the morning of the wedding, but it still makes me nervous. Who wouldn't want to drink at their bach party? And then the all the GM looking tired the rest of the day? I think it's just adding too much into an already crammed schedule. But again, I really don't want to tell him "no." Not my style. Just worried....

Bimbi284 · September 2009

Hmmm...yeah that's a tough one.I know if my favorite band were in town that night, I would probably go too (even acting as bride and having a million things to do!). So, despite what I had said earlier in another post, I wouldn't tell him "no way", but maybe calmly express your concerns/worries about it. It may not make a difference in his decision, but at least then its on him to make the decision knowing how you feel about it. That way you don't have that "I should have said something" feeling. I liked another poster's idea about him still having the bachelor party on Thursday night and then going to the concert Friday. That way, if he is gonna drink like a champ, he can get it out of his system on Thursday so he will be less likely to drink on Friday. That'll give him more time to recover if he does get a little crazy with his buds at the b-party, but still allow him to enjoy his fave band. Its like he gets to do two awesome things instead of one...and then marry you on top of that! He'll be having a good week! Haha

sjs0018 · September 2009

It is a really bad idea. Regardless if he is a heavy drinker or not his GM may want to buy him shots or more drinks then normal. Also you need your rest as the wedding day is a long day. It only takes a few drinks to dehydrate you and then you will look like crap. My FI needed two days to recover from his Bach party and he is a heavy drinker and all his drinks were bought by other people and he felt bad to refuse them so he drank more then he intended to.

Laurel&Mike · September 2009

I feel like the only thing you really shouldn't have to worry about on your wedding day is your FI. While I can't tell you what is best for you and your FI, I can tell you if the situation was between me and my FI, I would ask him to help me have a peace of mind by not going and I would promise to do something special and make it up to him later.

alillemoe · September 2009

Ugh! Tough spot to be in. I can totally understand wanting to see my favorite band. I would be super annoyed if they were in town the night before my wedding... But I would have to decide against attending. There is just too much going on the next day to be out on the town the night before even if you aren't a big drinker or party animal. Tell him NO! LOL Maybe you can tell him you understand and that you would totally want to go to the concert to if you were in his shoes. But in all honesty you would be worrying about them the entire night and you wouldn't get any sleep and you just want everyone snuggled into their beds and sleep and not bachelor partying the night before the wedding. (and then add I'M THE BRIDE DO WHAT I SAY!) Good Luck!

AJ&BJ · September 2009

What about doing a roadtrip bachelor party in Tulsa, OK? It looks like the band is playing there on the weekend before the wedding. I suppose it depend on how much you are depending on his help that close to the wedding, but it could be a fun option

hkiesling · September 2009

Thanks for the support, ladies. I'm not sure what I can do, other than point out some of the major drawbacks (hangover, drinking more than planned due to free drinks, tired, rushing through rehearsal dinner plans, hungover GM, no "reflection time" before the wedding, or having to hold back from fully enjoying the party). One of the main reasons FI wants the party either Thurs or Fri night is that his brother and best friend will be there. One is coming from MI and the other from FL, so they won't be there the weekend before. Also, most of his friends are married and many have kids, too, which makes an overnight road trip a little difficult. I think I'm just going to have to suck it up, but man, something about this has "bad idea" written all over it.

Bimbi284 · September 2009

I'm tellin ya' you gotta at least try to spin it so it looks like he'll have 2 nights of fun rather than just the one! B-party on Thursday as planned, then concert on Friday (note there may have been hangovers during the day, so excessive drinking or being out late seems less appealing). That and you should still (nicely, sweetly, blah, blah) express your concerns in a way that says "I love you and want you to have a great bachelor party and enjoy our wedding day", and less "I'm the bride and what I say goes!".

hkiesling · September 2009

But I AM the bride, and what I say DOES go!!! <stomps feet> No? Darn. I will suggest the night idea to him. That free drinks all night post has me a little scared, especially because his drink of choice is tequilla. Shots go down so much faster than a beer....

TheGroom'sView · September 2009

One thing I love about my spouse is the way things are approached with mutual respect. Whether or not they want to admit it, the grooms are just as concerned about the wedding going well as the bride. Unless you're marrying a total loser (and who will admit that?), your fiance will not get out of control, and will keep things in check even if they are trying to push shots on him.The best thing to do, in my mind, is to encourage him to go. Voice your concerns respectfully. Tell him it sounds like fun and that you wish you could go too. "I want you guys to have a blast but just make sure it doesn't bleed over into the next day. I trust you!" Give him credit for his own sense of responsibility and DEMONSTRATE YOUR TRUST. This is how things will work throughout your entire marriage. If you try to guilt him into not doing it by reciting an endless list of "what ifs" and potential consequences, or flat out refuse to "let him" do it...well...good luck with that approach.

huwehotaling · September 2009

Free drinks? UGH...that definitely has disaster written all over it.

hkiesling · September 2009

GroomsView: FI and I very much mutually respect each other. I would never tell him that "can't go." He's an adult and can make his own decisions. That said, he also has a terrible habit of thinking he can do more things in less time than is humanly possible and then being really frustrated when things take longer than he thought they would. As much as I would regret it if he and the GM showed up to the wedding slightly hung-over and tired, I truly believe that he would also regret having to keep himself in check all night (not that he can't, just that should he feel like letting go, he won't really have that option unless he totally wrecks himself for the wedding day). I want him to be able to fully enjoy the night out. Given that on Friday we will be: setting up the church, entertaining 30+ relatives who are showing up early, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner with bowling following, and having a photographer at the rehearsal and dinner, and Saturday we will be: setting up the reception site and he wants to get in a massage or other type of relaxing thing, it just seems like we're going to be squeezing in a bit too much with adding a concert to the mix.Plus, he saw the band just a couple of months ago. It's not like they're touring from Europe. They come through at least twice a year.

hkiesling · September 2009

On a lighter note, a co-worker just told me that I should tell FI what he tells his 4 year old daughter when she acts out..."you're not making good choices right now." That just made me laugh.

Bimbi284 · September 2009

LOL!

AmberDerek · September 2009

I am also the type who doesn't say no to my FI, but in this case I would. A bachelor party the night before is NOT a good idea. Could you two make it a date night before the wedding and go by yourselves and not stay out late? That would be a great solution IMO.

hkiesling · September 2009

Wow, I didn't think this would be such a popular post! I like the date night idea, but FI talked to the BM yesterday, who I thought would be a voice of reason, since he's married and has three kids. Nope. BM said "dude, that sounds so cool!" I think my only option now would be to appeal to his mother, but I'm not about to play THAT card.

I just have to keep telling myself that FI usually makes good choices and he won't get trashed that night. He did talk about getting a hotel in Minneapolis so he wouldn't have to go far to go to sleep (he's was going to get one anyone so we don't see each other that morning). <crossing fingers>

leggwilliams · September 2009

I agree. I think it's a BAD idea! Scenes of "The Hangover" are flashing through my head ;-) It's hard not to cross the line, though. To tell him flat out "No" is kind of bridezilla-ish IMO. But at the same time, you don't want the added stress on your wedding day. If it were me, even if everything went splendedly and FI behaved the whole night, my morning would be ruined over the stress over worrying about it. This is a toughy! GL!

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