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HELP PLEASE!

cortneylblackcortneylblack
First Comment
in Illinois-Chicago
One of my bridesmaids moved to Las Vegas at the beginning of August to be with her boyfriend she just started dating a few months ago. She took a job at a big German bar/restaurant and told me yesterday that she will not be able to take the time off to come back for the wedding since it is during Oktoberfest. I have a back up plan to ask my FSIL to take her place. The ex-bridesmaid has her dress with her in Vegas. She can ship it back, but I am afraid that it will be too big for my FSIL and can not be taken in enough. The wedding is in 5 weeks so there is no time to order a new one, and even if there was, the dress has been discontinued! Do any of you know a store that has the Bill Levkoff line and will sell samples? I've already tried HOB, but they won't sell their samples. Any other suggestions? TIA!
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Re: HELP PLEASE!

  • Angel HelperAngel Helper
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The only suggestions I would make are: go on the internet and go to Bill Levkoff site and see what stores near you carry his line. See if any local stores are selling their sample dresses specifically your design and color. Is this bridesmaid the maid of honor by chance? If so put her in something different. If not maybe you could find a dress very similar or add a shawl to each of the bridesmaids to distract from one dress being slightly different. After saying all that... I would still try to cut down the existing dress first. A great seamstress can do wonders. I suggest having the bridesmaid send her dress to you asap and really see what can be done with it first. It will be the most reasonable choice to start with. Above all, don't panic. At least she told you now, not a week before your wedding. You still have some time to work out a great conclusion. Good Luck!
    Let the Lord Lead... and follow Him.
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  • gkb0910gkb0910 member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't ask your FSIL to take the place of your friend.  The people standing with you should be the closest people to you.  If your friend can't make it, just have the people you already have, and if your sides are uneven, don't worry about it.  That's okay.  Think how your FSIL will feel being asked 5 weeks before a wedding to fill a spot.
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  • Brie2010Brie2010 member
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's pretty rude to have a "replacement" BM.  How would you feel if you were FSIL?  "Oh, hey, someone I really like and wanted to stand up with me moved...but you'll do!  Here, buy a dress and go stand over there."  It makes you look like a bridezilla and will make her feel bad.Just have an uneven number of BMs and groomsmen.  It's not a big deal at all and is pretty common these days.
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  • Sparkette19Sparkette19 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It is very bad form, extremely tacky and incredibly rude to replace a bridesmaid. Basically what you're telling your FSIL is that she wasn't close enough to you to be considered but now that you're in a bind you'll take what you can get. Why on Earth why would you want to make a future family member feel like that? Not to mention the slap in the face that is to her to be "good enough" now. *sigh* Just go with the bridesmaids you have.
    When you're born in Chicago you're blessed and you're healed the first time you walk into Wrigley Field. My Bio
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  • cortneylblackcortneylblack
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree it would be rude if I said "You'll do" but that is not how I intend to handle it at all. My FSIL is my FI's brother's fiance. I asked my bridesmaids to be in the wedding back in December before they were engaged. We have gotten closer over the summer as I have been helping her plan her wedding. She has already volunteered to help in anyway she can for my wedding and, well, she would be helping me a great deal if she was a bridesmaid. I'm going to explain the situation to her and ask her if she would like to be in the wedding. If she doesn't, that's fine too. I also plan on making sure she in no way should feel she has to include me in her wedding. And I don't recall saying anywhere that I would be asking her to pay for the dress, which I am not, but thanks for assuming that and your rush to judgement...
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  • awed81awed81 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ditto. I would be insulted. It's too bad your friend is not going to make it though :(
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  • enteringparadiseenteringparadise member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with the above posters, do not have a replacement bridesmaid. on another note hofbräuhaus in vegas is awesome. the waitresses there have to SPANK the patrons. I'm serious!
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  • meghaksmeghaks
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have the same situation and we are going with uneven bridesmaids/groomsmen numbers BUT I understand your situation and especially since you two have gotten closer more recently it is more ok than just asking someone to make the numbers even. I think it will all be about tact and making sure you word it well. As for your real question about the dress... I have no idea! Hope it all works out!
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  • lisa t NNHSlisa t NNHS member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would agree with it being rude as well.  There's nothing wrong if the sides are uneven!     
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  • Sparkette19Sparkette19 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Ok, so Emily Post (etiquette guru!) states the same thing we all said in a much more pleasant tone, and will probably make you feel less attacked. However, your justifications don't explain away the poor etiquette choice you are about to make, bottom line. If you ask your FSIL or whatever she is, basically you're saying to your friend that she's replacable too. Stop and think about what your actions are "saying" to people and how you are coming across in this situation. I hope the link below shows up...I've never cut and pasted a link before.http://www.brides.com/etiquette/bridal_party_etiquette/qa/detail/197114/
    When you're born in Chicago you're blessed and you're healed the first time you walk into Wrigley Field. My Bio
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  • Elizabeth7277Elizabeth7277 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow I was in the same exact predicament a couple weeks ago. I would go the getting it taken in route. Seriously I have a dress that is being taken in so much that it is truly half the dress. Gong from size 26 to 12. The seamstress said its possible, however it was a lot more money than I expected. So do expect that.Good luck and everything will work out.
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  • Elizabeth7277Elizabeth7277 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    For the record of all pp that states its poor etiquette to have someone else stand in, just step back and be in our shoes for once. I actually took advise from this board and didn't ask anyone else, however I found out that my cousin (who lives here) is absolutely overjoyed at being asked at the last minute. My cousin (in CA that couldn't make it) understands becuase she was the one who flaked for very good reasons. It all depends on the situation and who is standing up. I have all family members and we are all very close and S*** happens and they understand. So this is a case in point that sometimes "etiquette" gets thrown out the window. Sorry, hope it doesn't come off other than just stating a fact.  
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  • cortneylblackcortneylblack
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I asked my FSIL today and she is really excited about being in the wedding. She thanked me for asking her and has asked what she can do to help. She didn't seem insulted to me. She even offered to pay for her dress, which I am not going to allow her to do. To those of you who answered my actual question, thank you for your help. We are going to try the original dress. If it doesn't work, we will come up with another solution even if it means her dress is a little different. To those who feel I am "rude" and "tacky", take a moment to realize that every situation is different and that a cookie cutter answer doesn't always apply before you start judging.
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  • weddingbride1982weddingbride1982
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Well spoken. Every situation is different. I am so glad you asked her. She was probably so happy.
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  • mbuhpathimbuhpathi member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    glad that worked out!
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  • Angel HelperAngel Helper
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am soooooo happy for you. I am glad it worked out. We are here if you need anymore encouraging help. Take Care!
    Let the Lord Lead... and follow Him.
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