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MOH giving me the silent treatment, what do I do? long, sorry

Julia O'BrienJulia O'Brien
10 Comments
in Wedding Party
So, I'm wondering if you ladies can lend some advice?My MOH has proven to be very tempermental over the last 8 mos or so, and her attitude is getting increasingly more difficult to deal with.She is currently giving me the silent treatment b/c I backed out of a Thursday night BBQ she was attending (not hosting - she asked me to go along b/c she didn't have anyone else to go with her, but ended up inviting 3 more ppl anyway, all 3 attended with her)I called her from work the evening of to let her know that I would be working late and that I was simply too exhausted to participate in the festivities. I was honest with her, and now she won't speak to me... it's been more than a week, and we usually speak daily.I need to explain also, that I do not like confrontation.. I will always do everything in my power to avoid a conflict, I am the compromise queen.. And honesty has always been my policy.. seriously, I'm nice ;) I never want to give people a reason to be upset, but I'm not a pushover.. just a realist I suppose...She has been acting sort of... spoiled, I don't understand.And it's increasing the closer we get to the wedding. Recently she even gave me and my brother and FI the silent treatment on a 4 hour road trip b/c we asked her if we could delay our departure time by 3 hours - My fiance was the driver.I feel like I have to watch every word I say around her now, as if she twists every word and action I make into something negative about her... like she's looking for a fight.I'm afraid if I try to talk to her about it, she will just spin into this crazy whirlwind of anger :) And really I don't want the drama.. I just want us all to get along and enjoy each other's company.Also, I've stopped talking to her about the wedding b/c she is always short with me and changes the subject when I bring it up. When we talk it's always about a problem she is having personally with work, or friends or family.I'm tempted to just ignore her all together... but at the same time I'm not sure if that is the right thing to do..Advice ladies?
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Re: MOH giving me the silent treatment, what do I do? long, sorry

  • Licia&WayneLicia&Wayne
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    I think I would give her a call and just ask to take her out to dinner or drinks or something to make up for missing the BBQ. It seems like that might be a simple appeasement.Ignore the other drama. Silent treatment is childish and all she wants is attention for it. I would just keep being friendly to her, and if she wants to be a butt, that's her deal. You can only do what you can. Keep an ear open for a bigger problem she's not letting you know about (if there even is one). But I really wouldn't fret about this. It sounds like she's just being a brat right now.
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    This is a friend issue not a MOH issue. So basically you flaked on a promise to her and she is upset. She asked you to do something, you said you would, last minute you backed out for no good reason ( just did not want to go) Well I think you should call her up and apologize for flaking out on her and breaking your promise  
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Has this behavior only started since you got engaged? Or has she always sort of been like this, but you've noticed it more (or it's increased) since you got engaged?Does she have a significant other right now? Is she always one of those "Woe is me" types of people? Maybe she's jealous that you're getting married, or maybe she just enjoys drama or creating situations where she can feel like a victim and therefore get people to feel sorry for her. I think you should invite her out for come coffee or something and say, "I've noticed that we haven't been getting along lately and that makes me really sad. Is there something you want to talk about? I feel like something's bothering you?" Then listen to what she has to say and decide from there how to handle it. If she won't answer the phone, then I'd leave her a voicemail (don't do this over e-mail or Facebook if you can help it) and say the same thing, and ask if you can talk. Then leave the ball in her court. If she's already gotten her dress, then try touching base with her beforehand to give her info on the rehearsal and wedding day timelines. If she hasn't gotten her dress and doesn't do so by the wedding, then you have your answer.
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  • elizabethspearlelizabethspearl member
    100 Comments
    Oh no. That sounds terrible and I am sorry that you have to deal with that three months before your wedding. I hate confrontation too, but I think that in this case, you should approach the subject head on. If it were me, I might say something like, "Hey MOH, I was wondering if we could hang out sometime. I feel like we have been a little distant lately and I'd really like to spend some time together." I hope that everything works out and she checks her 'tude!
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  • Julia O'BrienJulia O'Brien
    10 Comments
    ffmaid, I definately sincerely apoligized to her when I spoke with her last, and promised to make it up to her, which I will do. Is she waiting perhaps for me to invite her to coffee? maybe, I will give it a shot. It's important to be able to be honest in your relationships; to punnish someone for that is not the right thing to do. God knows she has "flaked" on me numerous times, but you've got to be understanding. You take it for what it is and move on. It is not worth it to get so angry about such petty things. You've got to let things go and move forward b/c life is way too short. I want to enjoy this special time I have with her in the coming months. I don't care that she's angry b/c she's the one who has to live with that feeling - it's her choice to hold onto it, I just want the drama to dissappear... But I need to be sensitive to her in my approach when talking to her...
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    The best way to make it diappear is not to flake on her. Honestly you are setting up a pattern from what you have said of not being a reliable friend to her. Why not instead of being upset that there is drama as a result of her beineg mad when you do not live up to what you are agreeing to why not just not agree to things you do want to do and follow thru on what you agree  to. You do not want drama and that is fine but the first part of that is to be a good friend and what it sounds like is you bailed on her. Avoid drama by being reliable as a friend not by hoping that she will always forgive your unrelability.  Do not promise or make plans you do not follow thru with. If you do not follow thru make sure it is for a legit reason not because you are tired.
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  • Julia O'BrienJulia O'Brien
    10 Comments
    Well, thanks for your advice ladies. Much appreciated :) Cheers!
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  • melishka716melishka716 member
    100 Comments
    ffmaid- Shut it. Haven't you ever been working late and too exhausted to even cook dinner once you got home? I know I have, and I think that it would not be considered flaking.I do agree that this is a friend issue, not a MOH issue. This sort of thing happend to one of my BMs. I took her out for lunch one day and it turned out that she just needed a friend there to support her. (I won't go into details.)  
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