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Should the Ex-Wife Be Invited?

bhunsingerbhunsinger member
First Comment
in Second Weddings
Everyone keeps asking me if we are inviting my FI's ex-wife to our wedding. I say no because I want my family and friends to be comfortable. Her and I are cordial with each other, but that's as far as it goes. Question still remains should I be nice and agree or stick to my guns and say no?
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Re: Should the Ex-Wife Be Invited?

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    2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're inviting my ex-husband, but it's definitely not mandatory.  My FI is just quite comfortable with him, plus he and I have been raising two kids together (who will be my MOH and "dude of honor") even in the 13 years since the divorce.
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    NYHarleyBrideNYHarleyBride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So, my first response was, "Um...No."But do what YOU want, not what everyone else thinks or is asking you to do. When you made the list, was she someone you and FI had put on the list? Do you socialize with her, outside of child (if there are any) rearing? Would it make you and others uncomfortable as you suggest?I am cordial with my ex, it has been 13 years, but no, he will not be invited to my wedding. However, we would invite him way before way before FI's ex. Every situation is different.
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    LesPaulLesPaul member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's not about being nice.  If your gut feeling is 'no' because of the general comfort of everyone, then stick to your guns.  It certainly isn't necessary or appropriate to invite her.  You don't have to invite her, and you don't have to feel bad or guilty if you don't.  I am cordial with my ex after 11 years of divorce, and I invited 14 members of his family to my wedding, but he was never on the guest list.  Just not appropriate.
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    bhunsingerbhunsinger member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone! My gut feeling is no and will remain no! :)
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    pamila51510pamila51510
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My ex is invited and will be taking the kids home from the wedding. I am friends with his girlfriend.  We were friends because she is the mother of one of my daughters friends.  Although My daughter and her daughter can't stand each other now since they moved in together. Love preteen drama but bottom line is that ex and I have become friends. I think my family will not like it very much but thats ok they know how to hold their tongue
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    jeannigirljeannigirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Why would you? That sounds weird to me. Theirs no reason that she needs to be there. Is your FI want her there? I say no!
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    sweetheart947sweetheart947
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are not inviting his ex just because we can be cordial, but she has her moments where she blows things out of proportian and I dont want her to have a moment there lol.
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    karma007karma007 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I haven't even TOLD my ex about it- it's none of their business!
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    bhunsingerbhunsinger member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I haven't told my Ex either because it's none of his business! LOL I dont want her to show up because she is always invited to the FIL's house for holiday dinner's so this time I want the day to be about our wedding day without her there. My FMIL asked me on Sunday if we were inviting her, I said she wasn't on the guest list and I didn't want her there because I wanted myself, family and friends to be comfortable. She just looked at me, this is something I wont back down on.
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    MoAnamCaraMoAnamCara member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If your only cordial with this woman then don't invite her.I have no desire to invite my ex or even tell him any thing about it (we share no children).  We are only cordial when we happen to run into each other in public.My bfs ex will definitely not be invited (they share 2 children).  None of us get along at all.  He doesn't even want to tell her when we get engaged (which will hopefully be soon), but I think he has to because of their chidren.
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    nyreknyrek member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Then stick to your guns!  I've only known of a handful of people who have done that...and usually it's because they are on REALLY good terms still. My FI and I have never even thought of the idea of inviting my ex!  Good luck with this!
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    thealphabridethealphabride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    He$$ to the NO! This is your big day and if it makes you uncomfortable then no ~~
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    Stephanie24/7Stephanie24/7 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I sday its up too you. Do you feel comfortable with her there? Does he feel comfortable with her there? Both of our ex's are married. Same with you I have no problem with her but we arent sure if we want to invite her either. She doesnt really have a strong relationship with her kids. (FI has full custody of the kids) will we invite her probably not. Will we invite my ex absolutely not. Its all up to you!
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    YoungerthaneverYoungerthanever member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi My Ex-husband and I are very friendly, we raise a son together.  My husband to be's ex-wife  don't speak to him.  I have asked my FI if he wants to invite her, he said no, I respect his answer.  I ask if I could invite my Ex, he says its up to me.  I have ask my ex and he is very happy for me and is coming.  He is even taken our son for the night after the wedding.  I think it just depends on the relationship.  I am very luck to have two men that care about my happiness and no one is threaten by one another.  My ex knowns are marriage was not for us.  My new love knows the ex is just a part of the past and we share a child together.  If in time my FI ex-wife becomes friendly, I can see the future being easier on his sons they are both married and one has two boys.  As a blended family it is also easier if you put the past in the past.  Our future will always run into each other and I want my new sons to know I respect their mother.  But my postion will be what their father wants.  I hope in time he will see what I have always known. That is if you hold on to the hurt you can miss out on some wonderful moments with your children and grandchildren.  It is sad to see grown children having to chose who to invite to family occassions or make up excuse not to come over for holidays.  I hope that time will show you the way, if there is children involved.  It is your Wedding you invite who you want this is your moment.  There is always other occassions.  Good luck in your future. 
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