Seizures down the aisle

SimplyIndulgent · August 2009

I have uncontrolled epilepsy with absence seizures. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this, they are small little periods of time (like 3-7 seconds) where I just go blank. I don't fall down or anything, I just go away, like passing out. When I come back I'm slightly confused and out of habit I usually say, "What?" or "I don't know." People who are close to me will know about this and pick up on it. I will of course be explaining it to my officiant, who I have not chosen yet. But it happens more when I'm stressed out, tired, or emotional. Normally my seizures occur anywhere from 2-6 times an hour, but I have had bad days where they occur up to 20 times an hour (every 3 minutes). Anyone have any recommendations for what I could do in order to keep this on the DL during the ceremony? I certainly don't want to announce it to everyone there, but also if I'm asked if I'll take my FI, and I respond, "I don't know," something will have to be explained.... I know I should know more than anyone about this, but maybe someone has some creative ideas.

Leah&Christian09 · August 2009

Is someone escorting you down the aisle? Wouldn't that person be able to help if something happened during the walk?Do you take meds for this? My BFF is epileptic, but she takes meds and rarely has seizures. Have you talked to your doc about taking a sedative or something that would help you on the day of?

kmmssg · August 2009

I think one of the best nerve tamers is to spend a few minutes with your FI BEFORE the ceremony as many couples do when they have their pics done before the wedding. The photographer sets up a "reveal" and photographs the couple as they see each other for the first time, then they are given 15-20 minutes to be completely alone with each other. Calm each other down, say some special words in a solitary setting that wouldn't happen otherwise. My first DD swears by this as far as what calmed them both down for their wedding. 3rd DD did it also. The man you love being able to hold your hand, tell you how beautiful you are, and how much he wants to spend the rest of his life with you before the wedding can really take the edge off those nerves. I think it really could lower your stress level a lot.

handfast4me · August 2009

My first husband had exactly the same types of seizures you have, and they, too, were uncontrolled. However, we found that there were things that sort of triggered them. For you, it's stress. Do you think that maybe a small, private ceremony, with a big ole' throwdown fancy party afterwards would be the answer for you? That way you don't have to explain, the "I don't know" may not be evident, and you can still have a lovely day. I guess I'm partial to the private ceremony thing--I did it with my second marriage, and it was so much more meaninful than my first. On top of that, DH is an extreme introvert and he felt more comfortable with just the two of us. Additionally, my introverted daughter got married in a private JOP ceremony about 3 weeks ago--just the two of them and the officiant, and we're having a large party for her in a couple of weeks. Lots less pressure, and less stress. But whatever you decide, just know that everyone who is around you on that day loves you and is there for support. They want you to enjoy yourself, and get married to the man of your dreams. Best wishes!

NeoCreed69 · August 2009

I would suggest talking with a doc. If you have that many in an hour you could have a more serious problem than you think. They might suggest an AADD drug or antiseizure med for the day of but you def want to be careful about saying I don't know at the alter. My Uncle had a wife who was so nervous she couldn't say I do and according to state law she had to physically speak it out loud so the officiant could hear, she finally got the words out but it did put a stop to the wedding and they had to be sure she ment it.

Asheia · September 2009

My FI is epileptic too. He has grand mal seizures, and he was worried about this too because his triggers are the same as yours. Luckily his are controlled, but in extreme situations he can have a seizure. Since you know your triggers, and they all pretty much apply to your wedding day the best thing to do is try to alleviate those triggers. Get plenty of sleep not only the night before, but the whole week or so before. Make sure that all those helping everything go smoothly understand that you don't need any unnecessary stress. So, if something (like the flowers were pink instead of peach) happens let them know before it happens that you don't want to know about it. Remind yourself that no matter what detail is screwed up at the end of the day you're going to be married to an amazing man that you love dearly. Even if you kinda fibbed and told everyone that you didn't know if you wanted to take him.

As for handling the emotion, just embrace your emotion. Don't try to fight it. Even if you did have a seizure so what? Your FI knows that you have them and would understand that you weren't hesitating to walk down the aisle or anything that could be perceived from someone you didn't know as bad. The people that are close to you are the ones that really matter, and they would understand. Don't worry about it.

ginnygrace84 · September 2009

For the processional, you could have your MOH/father/another important person in your life escort you down the aisle. That way if you have a seizure while walking they can at least keep you aimed in the right direction or even keep you walking. If you were to have a seizure during the actual ceremony, you could have it worked out ahead of time with your fiance for him to lean over and whisper something in your ear or something to distract others from your blankness. Most of the people present at your wedding should already be at least somewhat familiar with your condition if it happens so frequently, and since everyone present is going to be there because they love you and your fiance, it shouldn't be anything to really worry about anyway. Best wishes, and I'm sure your wedding will be absolutely beautiful!

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