Am I doing something wrong?

DaughterOfHelaman2709 · November 2010

I posted on another board that I am beginning work on my reception favors. I am making origami ponies to put at each place setting, and we are donating $1 per guest to a local horse rescue. I got one response that my ponies are "not favors, they are deorations" and that giving to charity in lieu of favors is generally not well regarded.

I wasn't aware that spoonfuls of Hershey's kisses were so much better than my idea.

Snippylynn · November 2010

Ha. Well, here's the thing. Sure, it's wonderful to make the ponies, but be aware that your guests are going to basically shrug at them. Also, if you want to make a donation, make a donation, but you don't need to tell them about it.

Favors are not a necessity; they're an extra. You don't have to tell anyone that you gave to a charity.

Beachy730 · November 2010

You're going to get the same responses here. Donations are great. I make them all the time. But they aren't a "favor" to your guests so they shouldn't be referred to as one. If I'm at a wedding that did a donation as a favor, my thinking would be "why did they spend so much money on this reception, and then skip out on my favor to donate." An idea that I would find much less offensive is to do bigger origami horses as your centerpiece, and you could put "in lieu of centerpieces we have made a donation to a local horse rescue."

Some posters feel that there should be no mention of a donation whatsoever, so you will also hear that.

crfische · November 2010

Yeah, they were pretty much right. I mean I get the sentiment and all, but yeah. I don't think you'll get many different opinions anywhere else you ask.

andy71781 · November 2010

I think your heart is in the right place and favors are by no means necessary so make your ponies because I think your table will be cuter. I don't think that it qualifies as a "favor" under the wedding rules.

crfische · November 2010

Now if you can make edible horses? That would be a favor.

crfische · November 2010

http://www.chocolatevault.com/horses.htm

I kind of like the horsey lollipops...

AmeliaMarie · November 2010

I agree that origami ponies are more of a decoration, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do them! The general opinion of the boards is that favors should be something that guests actually want, so yes, some Hershey kisses would be better then a paper horse. Favors are not necessary, so if you want to make the origami decorations, instead of having favors, then that is perfectly fine. Donations aren't favors either because they are given to a charity you support. Giving to charity should be done privately, making a big deal about it at your wedding is AWish.

portialoveschris · November 2010

Charity donations are generally frowned upon in these forums because it's not really a gift for your guests, it's a gift that YOU like. Not all your guests feel as passionate about that charity as you do. I don't get the whole 'horses aren't gifts' response you got, it's not like you're putting a real pony at each table.

I always say edible favors are the way to go, because most people love something sweet or savory. Food is universal, donation to a pony rescue is not. If you really want to give to that charity, then do that AND give your guests something good to eat that they can take home with them.

I'm making caramels that I only make at Christmas, and my first batch that I made today was too hard.

But I have 2 good weekends before our wedding to get them done.

Good luck and I hope this helps! :-)

p.s. I know how rude people can be on TK boards sometimes. Sorry.

DaughterOfHelaman2709 · November 2010

I do have the things to make those! (Chocolate horses). We also thought about Cow Tales with a note that says "With love from the moo-lyweds!"

Yeah, we're dorks.

crfische · November 2010

But ya know, it sounds like it's totally you. I chuckled at moolyweds. I'd probably think that was cute if it reflected the couple like this sounds like it would.

katiewhompus · November 2010

Oooh how do you make Origami horses? I did origami lilies and cranes as table decoration and a lot of guests actually took them home with them.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-doing-something-wrong-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9c20a7f7-2d7e-45e6-ae43-c2139370a4a8Post:f5907170-774f-40c4-90bd-e694e89ee223">Re: Am I doing something wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]I do have the things to make those! (Chocolate horses). We also thought about Cow Tales with a note that says "With love from the moo-lyweds!" Yeah, we're dorks.
Posted by DaughterOfHelaman2709[/QUOTE]

Both of those ideas are much better. And yes, the moo-lyweds is dorky, but I think its cute.

redheadfsu · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-doing-something-wrong-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9c20a7f7-2d7e-45e6-ae43-c2139370a4a8Post:f5907170-774f-40c4-90bd-e694e89ee223">Re: Am I doing something wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]I do have the things to make those! (Chocolate horses). We also thought about Cow Tales with a note that says "With love from the moo-lyweds!" Yeah, we're dorks.
Posted by DaughterOfHelaman2709[/QUOTE]

I like these ideas much better <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

hwoychowski · November 2010

For as much as I hear about weddings these days break free from tradition, I don't understand why this is so hard to swallow. I think the donation favor is a unique idea and it sounds pretty close to the heart. Myabe do the chococlate horse as mentioned with the donation note. The origami horses probably would be confused with decorations and might not be taken with. I would personally love to see a note of a donation if I were a guest instead of some of the really lame favors I have received in the past that are more "traditional".

Beachy730 · November 2010

hwoy- have you read any of the other replies? Basically you are taking what is meant to be a gift to your guests and donating it to a charity that they may or may not support. There are plenty of other places to cut money and donate that to a charity, it doesn't need to be the gift to your guests.

What if you are completely against testing on animals, and the B&G said they donated to a study that tests on animals? I'd not only be offended that my favor was a donation, but I'd be upset that they donated in my honor to a cause that I am completely against.

Snippylynn · November 2010

The point is, hwoy, that favors aren't necessary. If you want to do them, great- make it useful to the guest becasuse that's what a favor is.

andy71781 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-doing-something-wrong-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9c20a7f7-2d7e-45e6-ae43-c2139370a4a8Post:7a225ff1-7a27-42a6-b236-7f4df65ad202">Re: Am I doing something wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]hwoy- have you read any of the other replies? Basically you are taking what is meant to be a gift to your guests and donating it to a charity that they may or may not support. There are plenty of other places to cut money and donate that to a charity, it doesn't need to be the gift to your guests. What if you are completely against testing on animals, and the B&G said they donated to a study that tests on animals? I'd not only be offended that my favor was a donation, but I'd be upset that they donated in my honor to a cause that I am completely against.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
listen to her -- she is right.

crfische · November 2010

Dnb, for a girl who took her husbands name, you seem pretty intellectual to me.

squirrly · November 2010

As a guest, I don't care if I get a favor or not. If it's edible and tasty, I'll enjoy it. If it's not, then you probably wasted your money on me. Most weddings I've attended recently didn't have favors, and I see no issue with that.

As your friend, I think it's cool if you donate money to causes that are significant to you. But you wouldn't announce it to me any other day of the year, right? Why announce it at your wedding? It just comes across like you're looking for your friends and family to be extra impressed, and that's not cool at all.

The edible favors you mentioned above are a much better idea, although the origami horses are fine if they go with the rest of your decor. But I'd skip the note about the donation, and if you do it, just do it out of the goodness of your heart and let it be at that.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-doing-something-wrong-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9c20a7f7-2d7e-45e6-ae43-c2139370a4a8Post:a09f6d2a-2c63-40f4-a9e5-4e0f5bc9671d">Re: Am I doing something wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Dnb, for a girl who took her husbands name, you seem pretty intellectual to me.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Well once in a while he lets me out of my cell in the basement long enough to read a book. But only if I've cooked him dinner, served him a beer, and cleaned the house in preparation of his arival home from a hard day's work.

crfische · November 2010

I hope you do your makeup and hair before he comes home too.

Gosh, you're really impeding the progress of women everywhere, Dnb. I hope you're happy.

And you too, squirrly.

Beachy730 · November 2010

Always. I never come downstairs until my hair and makeup look acceptable for an evening out.

Beachy730 · November 2010

Back when we first got engaged I got to H's apartment and he had this hanging on the fridge for me, with a note that said "Just to give you an idea of what you should be practicing."
http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/images/goodwifeguide.gif

I thought it was hilarious.

scoetto · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-doing-something-wrong-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9c20a7f7-2d7e-45e6-ae43-c2139370a4a8Post:ce5798a6-6fc0-4e6d-9beb-0357c35d26e1">Re: Am I doing something wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]For as much as I hear about weddings these days break free from tradition,<strong> I don't understand why this is so hard to swallow</strong>. I think the donation favor is a unique idea and it sounds pretty close to the heart. Myabe do the chococlate horse as mentioned with the donation note. The origami horses probably would be confused with decorations and might not be taken with. I would personally love to see a note of a donation if I were a guest instead of some of the really lame favors I have received in the past that are more "traditional".
Posted by hwoychowski[/QUOTE]

Some people like to spit.

Simply Fated · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-doing-something-wrong-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9c20a7f7-2d7e-45e6-ae43-c2139370a4a8Post:7a225ff1-7a27-42a6-b236-7f4df65ad202">Re: Am I doing something wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]hwoy- have you read any of the other replies? Basically you are taking what is meant to be a gift to your guests and donating it to a charity that they may or may not support. There are plenty of other places to cut money and donate that to a charity, it doesn't need to be the gift to your guests. <strong>What if you are completely against testing on animals, and the B&G said they donated to a study that tests on animals? I'd not only be offended that my favor was a donation, but I'd be upset that they donated in my honor to a cause that I am completely against.</strong>
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
I was pro charity back when I first joined the knot, but then someone pointed something like that out...<div>And it doesn't have to be a controversial charity cause, either. Take breast cancer. Most people want a cure for that. But some people are morally opposed to certain charities. Donating to a charity in someone else's name or "in lieu of" can be offensive in the person is against the charity.</div><div>most people love horses, but might choose not to donate to that cause or that particular charity. You donating money for them is rude.</div><div>
</div><div>I would go with the chocolate horses or maybe just the oragamis, personally.</div>

Ghoti · November 2010

I laughed at the "moo-lyweds"! That's a cute idea

bdulli13 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_am-doing-something-wrong-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9c20a7f7-2d7e-45e6-ae43-c2139370a4a8Post:e4d8ab9f-a24c-4d7f-80a1-5552cfdd3d77">Re: Am I doing something wrong?</a>:
[QUOTE]Back when we first got engaged I got to H's apartment and he had this hanging on the fridge for me, with a note that said "Just to give you an idea of what you should be practicing." <a href="http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/images/goodwifeguide.gif" rel="nofollow">http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/images/goodwifeguide.gif</a> I thought it was hilarious.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

this is actually in a book! lol. i bought it as a gag gift in a series of gifts for the fiance of my boss when i threw them a couples shower. it was too funny!

RebeccaB88 · November 2010

See, where I come from favors are not generally expected, so I don't think it's a big deal at all to skip them. If I had an origami pony at my plate, I'd think it was cute and probably talk a little about it, but then leave it on the table when I left. That's why I like the idea of using them as centerpieces instead of individual favors. I think that could be a really cute way of getting your love of horses into your reception theme.

I'm anti-donation for the reasons above, and while I don't think your horse charity would be offensive to anyone, you still can't tell people where to donate, or assume they want to donate there. I remember when my dad passed away he had a few very favorite charities we suggested donations to, but one couple chose to donate in his name to a charity he absolutely could not stand and would never have given the time of day to, because he didn't believe their work was good. It just happened to be a cause they supported. My dad would have been hurt and insulted by it.. and honestly, so were we.

I think it would be great to make a donation yourselves in honor of your wedding, but don't announce it or pass it off as a favor.

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