Frustrating BM's & MOH...

MrsLamb525 · August 2012

Ok I'm trying really hard not to be a bridezilla here but here's the thing.... they are frustrating the hell out of me!

My sister (MOH) in particular. We all went to a bridal show recently (she showed up an hour and half late btw) while there we made and appointment with David's Bridal to go shopping for their dresses the following weekend. My MOH didn't show up because (direct quote from her) "I'm really hung over" Really???

So the rest of the girls and I go and the other BM's picked out the dress (I figure if she didn't like it oh well, should have come with)... well here's the next problem, my colors were supposed to be Plum & Lime Green, after trying on the dress all my BM's said that they liked DB's Sangria color better than Plum. Now, don't get me wrong it's a beautiful color but it's more pink than I wanted. So now I'm torn, on one hand I want the girls to like what they are wearing but on the other I had everything planned in Plum, since we are so far out and no decorations have been bought yet it's not that big of a deal to change colors at this point, it's just not what I had envisioned.

Here's the next one... the wedding party are all wearing cowboy boots, I found a pair that I liked for us girls that are dark brown and lime green (since it's my accent color I thought it was perfect) all the BM's love them, but MOH is making a big deal because she doesn't like square toe boots.

Ughhh...

I know none of these are major issues it's just frustrating... I feel like my MOH doesn't care at all, and I'm starting to wonder if I should have asked someone who would have taken it seriously instead. I'm not sure what to do..

QueerFemme · August 2012

I am doing sangria and lime green and they look so pretty together. But be aware, sangria has not been easy to match. I think sangria looks much better than plum, but plum will be easier to find accent decor.

tarzana21 · August 2012

Go with your gut. You have a vision and once you start straying from that then you start second guessing other decisions that need to be made. And if you can, definitely try talking to your MOH and find out what is going on. Hope this helps.

MrsLamb525 · August 2012

Like I said it's a beautiful color, and pink and green is a nice combo.. but I wanted purple and green not pink and green. I'm not a typical girl and not a big fan of pink.

I know it's a pretty combo it's just not what I wanted and I kinda feel like I got out voted on my own wedding colors.

As far as MOH goes I don't know what her deal is, we've have only talked about wedding stuff once and that was the day of the bridal show.

andrea2473 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_frustrating-bms-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:fc2c520d-d854-41ae-8afe-2f853d01aa23Post:bbf40c76-7241-4a98-b029-58ae455661d5">Frustrating BM's & MOH...</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok I'm trying really hard not to be a bridezilla here but here's the thing.... they are frustrating the hell out of me! My sister (MOH) in particular. We all went to a bridal show recently (she showed up an hour and half late btw) while there we made and appointment with David's Bridal to go shopping for their dresses the following weekend. My MOH didn't show up because (direct quote from her) "I'm really hung over" Really??? So the rest of the girls and I go and the other BM's picked out the dress (I figure if she didn't like it oh well, should have come with)... well here's the next problem, my colors were supposed to be Plum & Lime Green, after trying on the dress all my BM's said that they liked DB's Sangria color better than Plum. Now, don't get me wrong it's a beautiful color but it's more pink than I wanted. So now I'm torn, on one hand I want the girls to like what they are wearing but on the other I had everything planned in Plum, since we are so far out and no decorations have been bought yet it's not that big of a deal to change colors at this point, it's just not what I had envisioned. Here's the next one... the wedding party are all wearing cowboy boots, I found a pair that I liked for us girls that are dark brown and lime green (since it's my accent color I thought it was perfect) all the BM's love them, but MOH is making a big deal because she doesn't like square toe boots. Ughhh... I know none of these are major issues it's just frustrating... I feel like my MOH doesn't care at all, and I'm starting to wonder if I should have asked someone who would have taken it seriously instead. I'm not sure what to do..
Posted by MrsLamb525[/QUOTE]

Are you making them buy the boots? Are square toe boots painful for her?

MrsLamb525 · August 2012

No, she just doesn't like the look of them

acaponi87 · August 2012

I wouldn't show up if I was really hungover either. Have you ever been really hungover?

LetsHikeToday · August 2012

I'd stick with plum but it's also one of my favorite colors. Are you paying for the boots? I would be pissed, too, if a bride made me buy brown and lime green cowboy boots. If you're buying them then I don't see why she can't suck it up and wear them. Unless they really hurt her feet and then she shouldn't wear them.

AdeleDazeem · August 2012

I feel really awkward in cowboy boots - not my style. Even if the bride bought them, I'd probably be thinking "Do I really have to wear these things? With a formal gown, no less?" If you want the girls to wear the boots, you definitely have to buy them.

As for the dress, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "I want plum." They picked a style of dress they hopefully liked. Plum isn't like yellow or orange - it's a perfectly normal color that vast majority of people can pull off.

Your MOH doesn' have to attend a bridal show. As a bride, I didn't even want to attend a bridal show. She drank too much and couldn't go dress shopping. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and remember that no one will be as excited about your wedding as you. Keep that in mind during the rest of your planning. Don't expect a lot from people and then you won't be disappointed. But, unless she threatens you with a kitchen knife or tries to seduce your fiance, you don't kick her out. Not going bridesmaid dress shopping is definitely not a good reason.

Jlp818 · August 2012

I am having a similar situation with my choice of color for my girls (mostly from my sisters). I want them to wear deep purple dresses but they are trying to convince me to let them wear black. (so they can rewear it.)
We aren't going shopping until Jan. so we have plenty of time. But seriously, I just love dark purple!

I had to buy a brown taffeta dress for one sister's wedding and a green for the other. I think they can buy a purple one for mine! (I know they will look amazing in that color!)

Ali092011 · August 2012

I side with you on the color thing. It's nice of you to take your BMs' opinions into account, but you are the one with the overall "vision" for your wedding. Your BMs prefering one color over another perfectly acceptable color is not a reason to change everything you have planned. My sister wanted to buy a gold dress when I'd chosen navy blue BM dresses, and I gently told her that wasn't the look I was going for, and it was fine. So unless you already let your BMs order the other color, I'd tell them you have chosen plum and they should order a dress in that color.

I personally don't like cowboy boots and wouldn't want to wear them at a formal event. But even if we were talking any other style of shoe here, I think this is a battle you need to back down from. Footwear is a very personal thing--there is no "one size fits all." I don't think it's a good idea to demand such a specific kind of shoe, even if you're paying. I'd give the BMs the option to wear cowboy boots if they like them. I saw a wedding in a magazine recently in which two of the six BMs wore cowboy boots, and it looked fine.

peekaboo2011 · August 2012

Tell your BMs that you've chosen plum. They got to pick the dress, you pick the fabric and color - IMO, that's pretty standard.

As far as your sister goes, she's your sister. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, make sure you aren't drowning her in wedding talk, and let this go. There is no need to destroy your relationship with your sister over one day.

And boots. Again, let it go. You can do a hundred other things as far as footwear goes, and no one will resent you for it. If your sister doesn't want to wear the boots, fine. She's the MOH, why not have her in different shoes if your BMs all want the boots? If they don't really want the boots, then let them pick out their own shoes and tell them that you want lime green somewhere in them. Or even have the lime green come in in their bouquets.

You can still have your vision without driving you and your sister crazy.

pink34562000 · August 2012

I personally don't like cowboy boots, so I wouldn't be happy about buying them. If you want your girls to wear these shoes, you should pay for them.

None of my BMs went to the bridal shows, their only responsibility was to purchase a dress and show up to the rehearsal and wedding. That's it! Not all of my BMs showed up for the dresses b/c one of them was out of state. That's okay.

Of course, everyone has different opinions. Some of my bridesmaids were concerned about the color at first. Few of them even liked a different color better. I took their opinions in consideration, but I went with my original color. They were fine by it. So, if you want the plum, but your BMs want sangria, go with the plum unless you prefer the sangria more.

KelsieMarcus24 · August 2012

When I was a MOH, I sucked it up, wore an ugly, uncomfortable dress, and plastered a big smile on my face. These are the most important ladies in your life. They should be able to sacrifice their typical styles for one day and wear whatever the hell you want. My MOH told me she would wear a garbage bag if it was what I wanted.

That said, I tried to find dresses that were cute and comfortable (and affodable). I would say that you should go with your plum color, and also offer to pay for the cowboy boots as a thank you present to everyone (and let them sell them on ebay after if they want).

Also, feel free to be pissed at the MOH for being too hungover to go dress shopping. If she knew about the plans before she got wasted, she shouldn't have gotten so drunk.

QueerFemme · August 2012

Buying someone shoes that you are requiring them to wear in your wedding is not a gift. It's a uniform.

MrsLamb525 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_frustrating-bms-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:fc2c520d-d854-41ae-8afe-2f853d01aa23Post:a08b4da3-2a32-4d38-9166-fd4a7e55f589">Re: Frustrating BM's & MOH...</a>:
[QUOTE]When I was a MOH, I sucked it up, wore an ugly, uncomfortable dress, and plastered a big smile on my face. These are the most important ladies in your life. They should be able to sacrifice their typical styles for one day and wear whatever the hell you want. My MOH told me she would wear a garbage bag if it was what I wanted. That said, I tried to find dresses that were cute and comfortable (and affodable). I would say that you should go with your plum color, and also offer to pay for the cowboy boots as a thank you present to everyone (and let them sell them on ebay after if they want). Also, feel free to be pissed at the MOH for being too hungover to go dress shopping. If she knew about the plans before she got wasted, she shouldn't have gotten so drunk.
Posted by KelsieMarcus24[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
<div>
</div><div>THANK YOU!! She knew for over 2 weeks we were going dress shopping that day, and I even sent her a reminder text the day before. That's what upset me about it... she knew good and well we had plans for dress shopping and went out and got hammered anyway. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>As for everyone else talking about not liking cowboys boots, that's your opinion, but that is not the case with my sister or any of my other bm's. My sister alone owns 7-8 pairs and wears them all the time. (We're from Oklahoma, and having an outdoor "country" wedding) She has told me she's LOVES the idea of wearing boots so that is definitely not the issue. And like I said we have only talked about wedding stuff ONCE in the 4 months I've been engaged so no, I'm not drowning her in wedding talk.</div></div>

cherezada16 · August 2012

I know it gets frustrating when you're already overwhelmed with things to o and BMs aren't helping! We actually went dress shopping yesterday (finally!) my MOH which is my sister was a little late but I didn't make a bid deal out of it! I told my BM (fiances sister) since a week ago that we were going and to meet us at my house, well I texted her when we were ready to leave and she was still getting ready. I told her to just meet us at the store but didn't show up to my house until more than an hour later which is when my fiancé called and told me she was there. My sister MOH and I had already chosen a dress she liked and when I sent BM a picture of the dress she said she didn't like it! She wants to go to a REALLY expenssive shop but honestly my sister can't afford it especially not since she has helped me soooo much throughout the planning. My sister has already purchased my save the dates, invitations which were about $200 and she is planning a bridal shower for me and my BM has not done ANY of that! All she has done is complain about every aspect!

cherezada16 · August 2012

If after all you said that she knew you were going dess shopping, she likes wearing boots,etc. I have no idea what is up with her! You need to talk to her to figure it out because if this is within 4 months of being engaged there's gonna be a lot more complaining throughout the wedding planning. Also, do they ALL have to wear the same style of boots?i told my BMs they could wear any style of dress they wanted as long as it was the same length and color!

mcda04 · August 2012

If you want plum, they need to wear plum. My sister refused to wear purple because she said she didn't look good in purple and wanted me to change my color to royal blue. yeah, she was forced to suck it up. as for the cowboy boots, I don't think it's THAT important to match all their shoes. as long as she's ok with wearing boots, it should be fine.

SachaBee · August 2012

I think you can definitely keep plum. There isn't that much of a difference between sangria and plum to where one colour would go with skin tones, etc and the other wouldn't, plus it is not like sangria would make it easier to wear the dress again. Honestly as your maid I would just be happy you weren't asking us to wear lime green dresses!

For the MOH, I agree that the hangover thing sounds annoying, but perhaps she didn't mean to get so drunk. Everyone has had a night where they just get more hammered than they meant to, wake up and feel just too awful to get out of bed. I would suggest you not make too big a deal out of that one instance. Both this and the boots thing seem to be symptoms of a larger problem. Try to talk to her about what you expect from a MOH and whether she feels she can handle those responsibilities, and maybe making that list will help you realise what you really do need from her--if the "position" is poorly defined or she feels she's just the MOH because she's your sister, she can't know that you seriously expect more. Maybe in the end she will realise that she doesn't want to take on that responsibility and it will give her an opportunity to step down.

jkrok5955 · August 2012

My little sister is my MOH and she is so excited to help my with every little detail. She even took the liberty of making an appt to go wedding dress shopping and told me after the fact and my wedding is over a year away. (not mad about this at all, thought it was cute actually)

I think you have every right to be upset at your MOH but I also think that you should tell her how upset it made you and how you are feeling. She chose to go out partying before a day that was clearly important to you and you wanted her present for. Forget MOH, that's just not being a very good friend and the reason you choose your MOH is because this is supposed to be a person that is there for you - and vice versa.

I agree with everyone when they say you should be accomodating to your bridal party, your BMs and your MOH should be comfortable in their own skin but you still have the right to have some things go your own way for you wedding.

Honestly, I think a lot of people say yes to being in a bridal party without thinking about what goes into it. Yes- "technically" all your MOH NEEDS to do is buy a dress, show up and stand up there with you. But being a MOH should be so much more than that - it's a responsbility you take on when you say yes. One shouldn't say yes to this unless she is ready to be there when you need her (within reason of course).

MrsLamb525 · August 2012

Thank you KelsieMarcus24, cherezada16, mcda04 , SachaBee, & jkrok5955 it's good to know at least a few ladies understand where I'm coming from here. I'm not necessarily mad at her for this stuff it's just frustrating to have a MOH who doesn't care about anything. She didn't even apologize for missing the dress shopping, and when I send her a picture of the one we picked she said "yeah that's cute, it'll work I guess"

I know no one is going to be as excited about my wedding as I am, but I didn't realize she was going to be so indifferent to everything, and the few things she has actually participated in was to do nothing but complain. It's frustrating my other BM's as well because they are all overly excited and eager to help start planning the shower and bacorlette party but she won't return any of their calls.

I think the boots thing got twisted a little here, if she wants to wear a different pair of boots that's fine as long as they go well with the other girls and don't stick out, it's just the fact that she had to make such a big deal out of it. Btw I don't know if I said this earlier but the boots myself and the other girls like are square toe, MOH is making a big deal that she wants snip toe. (if you don't know the difference look it up you'll be surprised) There is basically NO difference between the two. So yes, she can wear snip toe and it will look fine, but really... did it have to be that big of an ordeal over that tiny bit of difference?

MrsLamb525 · August 2012

I have tired to be extremely accomodating to my BP, I told all the girls that went shopping to pick a dress they like just the same length and color (they all like the same color it's just not the one I picked) but it didn't have to be the same dress, they just so happened to have all loved the same dress and it looked great on all of them. The boots started because I sent them all a picture just asking what do you think? I didn't say "These are the boots you WILL be wearing" It's not set in stone.

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