Jamie and MelB

Re: Jamie and MelB

• Steven&Jamie

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  Hmmm...I'm not sure, but I really think maybe he just doesn't see what the rush is?  Scenarios like this are so different than my own so I don't know what I would do!  For us, we had talked about getting married, knew it was in the plans, but I had NO idea he was going to propose--it was a total surprise to me!  I say that just so you know my experience was totally different than your's, so I really hope I don't come across as snarky, this is just a very odd scenario to me.I just wonder, if he knows the plan is next October and that you're planning already--why not just ask?  It's assumed, and I guess you're 'unofficially' engaged, so why not make it official?  DH's cousin bought her dress, invitations, set the date, had her BP chosen, all BEFORE her FI officially proposed and put the ring on her finger....I don't get it.  Not to compare you to her, just saying that I don't really understand these situations.  Honestly, if I were you, I would have a hard time setting a date or anything if I hadn't been proposed to but that's just me.  And it really has nothing to do with the ring, just with him asking you to marry him--that question means more than any piece of jewelry ever could.  My advice, for what it's worth, would be to just sit and talk to him about it.  Tell him you're frustrated and you don't know if you should be planning a wedding for next fall or not....I wouldn't make it about 'the ring', but just about the actual proposal (if that makes sense lol).  I'll stop rambling now, hope this helps and keep us posted!

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• cutiepie74745 member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I wish I could be like your DH's cousin and just do my own thing...but you're right, it's not about the ring! I feel like before I make any concrete plans and say 'the wedding is for sure going to be on this date', I need to know for sure 100% that he wants to marry me! And to know that, he has GOT to ask!! I guess I'm just going to have to talk to him about it because I can't keep acting like nothing is bothering me every time he mentions the "potential" wedding. Thanks for the advice, will keep you posted on how it goes!!

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• MelB228 member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  Maybe he's waiting for the wedding talk to die down so he can surprise you with it? Or maybe he feels if he waits to propose there still is plenty of time for ya'll to plan a wedding? Perhaps he put your ring on the card and he wants to have it paid off before he proposes? (I know several guys who have done this) The only think you know, is he wants to marry you and he hasn't asked. Maybe you should just step back and wait for it to happen when he's ready to propose and on his time. October 2010 is 13 months away, I know I planned my wedding in 8 months and Jamie did hers in 9, so there's no reason to pressure him to rush something. And, maybe he's not sure if October would be a good time for him. He was told that's when you would like to get married, and maybe he said something about Oct, but have you talked about how he feels about that date? DH and I picked our wedding date together, so maybe you should ask him what time of the year/what dates, etc he would be okay with? (for instance, October would have been OUT for us b/c of football season ) I would ask him questions about how he feels about a wedding and what he would like and not "when are you going to propose", that way you're getting similar answers without making him feel he asked you because you nagged him to. (That's what DH would always tell me before we were engaged when I would ask him "when", so I didn't mean for that last sentence to sound as snarky as it was).Either way, you obviously know he loves you and you know he wants to be with you, so if I were you I would just sit back and enjoy the ride and let everything unfold for you.

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• lmf2010 member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I know this reply was to Jamie and Mel, but its sooo similar to my situation i had to share...as i mentioned in your previous post, I had this same frustration with my FI.  we had been together for 2 yrs when we know we wanted to get married and from that point forward he kept telling me how we would be getting married "this time next yr" or something like that.  it frustrated the hell out of me b/c i wanted to be surprised, and well...he pretty much ruined it!  3 yrs went by, every hr broken hearted, yet he kept promising.  after a LONG talk and asking him to stop promising things if he is not going to follow through, i learned of many problems he had with getting the ring.  also...  for some reason, even though i had requested about a yr long engagement, in the end, he kept forgetting.  i think 3 times actually.  we both really wanted a fall wedding, and this spring he kept telling me he was working on it and didn't know i wanted a yr long engagement.  in the end i learned there was a bit of a miscommunication with it all, and that there were issues getting the ring.sorry i rambled...  but maybe there is more going on now that you don't know about and he really is working on it.  it is frustrating that your "engaged to be engaged" b/c i know from experiance that is one of the most frustrating feelings!  i suggest having a conversation with him and just asking what his intentions are and going from there. and i would not recommend planning ANYTHING as you have no way of knowing if he will follow through in time or not.HTH and GL!

  

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• cutiepie74745 member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I love how honest everyone is on here! It's really helpful that you guys don't tiptoe around on eggshells because I needed true, honest opinions!! I think I've decided what I'm going to do: I'm going to sit him down and tell him that I love him, and I want to be with him forever...BUT I would like for him to stop saying when we're getting married, because you can't get married without a proposal. (not without a ring, just without a proposal). Because I feel like I'm getting robbed out of the butterflies you get when you plan a wedding because I'm so consumed with WHEN he's gonna ask. I'm just going to tell him to do it in his own time because whether it's next month or 5 years down the road, I'm still going to say yes! So, thanks for all the help in helping me decide what I need to do to feel better about this situation!

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• Steven&Jamie

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I have to agree with Mel's advice--I think she gave you some good food for thought!  And, for what it's worth, DH told me if I would've done what his cousin did (getting the dress before being proposed to), that he would have re-considered proposing--jumping the gun like that can freak guys out!!Anyway, you've taken our honesty very well so I think you'll be fine:o)Your plan sounds good to me!Because I feel like I'm getting robbed out of the butterflies you get when you plan a wedding because I'm so consumed with WHEN he's gonna ask. This part I bolded, I totally agree with.  I was SOOO beyond excited when H proposed--I can't imagine not having that feeling.  Everyone around us was so happy to hear our news, it was a great feeling telling everyone.  However, DH's cousin (in my opinion) didn't get that.  She was planning already so when her FI proposed everyone was like "umm okay" b/c it wasn't a big deal by then.  I felt bad for her that she didn't get that giddy/excited/shocked feeling that I did.  Just remember that it will be worth it!

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• MelB228 member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  Because I feel like I'm getting robbed out of the butterflies you get when you plan a wedding because I'm so consumed with WHEN he's gonna ask.Such a good thought! I know so many people who get wrapped up in this! Honestly, if DH had proposed to me when I wanted him to, I probably would have been more like this than not. I REALLY wanted to get married on 9-6-08 (9-6 was our "dating" anniversary and since it was on a Saturday in 08 I thought it was absolutely perfect). Well, it didn't happen b/c DH did not propose in time even though I thought he was going to....looking back at it, if he had, I probably would have lost some of that excitement feeling b/c I got what I had already planned.

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• lmf2010 member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I gotta agree with Jamie and MelB.  I feel like i kinda missed out on that whole excitement.  since we had been planning to get married before the proposal actually happened, after 3 yrs going on like that, it was bound to come out to friends and family.  so by the time we got engaged, everyone was like "its about time!".  they were still excited for us, and at the same time i kinda felt this way too.  i mean i had been waiting for 3 yrs.  also, my mom and FI mom have jobs where they have to put in for vaca a yr in advance.  so we told them to save a week in oct 2009.  well, FI waited too long, and now we had to push everything back to 2010.  im SOOOO glad we didn't start planning.  he wanted to, and i got upset and refused b/c i agree with that bolded statement!  sooooo soooo sooooooo glad i put my food down.  i think im somewhere inbetween getting that rush of "OMG he proposed" and "uumm, ok".  kinda bumbs me out, but in the end of the day, im marrying the man of my dreams in 13 months.if you can keep from getting caught up, it will be worh it!

  

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