Fiancee just added 50 more MUST invites!!

missx914 · September 2009

I'm at a total loss! My fiancee just told me tonight that we have to add 50 more people to our invites. We already have 100 people on the list & our budget is only $5k total for wedding & reception. I want an classy elegant affair & he's just fine w/ paper plates & plastic forks. I'm not a fancy person but I wanted this to be the most elegant affair of my life. No one else is contributing any funds to our wedding. Taking a loan out is out of the question. I feel like my dream wedding is slipping away!If I can't trim our list (he has a ginormous family) & there's no more money, what can I do?

Brie2010 · September 2009

You should talk about this with your FI, maybe? Relationships are about compromise, not about you getting your way all the time.There is middle ground between a "classy elegant affair" and "paper plates & plastic forks," you know. Have an afternoon wedding with a nice lunch reception--it's usually much cheaper than dinner.

lpstl · September 2009

I'd tell him if he wants 50 more people he needs to get a second job.Brie's advice is probably better though.

twinkie757 · September 2009

I'm sure the budget brides would have lots of advice for you. I guess you could try a lot of DIY projects. But, before I would take on any DIY projects I'd have a serious conversation with FI about what kind of wedding we want and who would HAVE to be there if we went to JOP. Doing that really helped us figure out how we wanted to handle guest lists and the feel of the wedding.

ggmae · September 2009

I'd say ours was the middle ground that Brie is talking about. It wasn't a casual BBQ, and it wasn't overly formal and elegant. It was semi-formal and fun. I agree that you need to compromise so that you are both happy in the end and not resenting each other. Why not have something elegant, but with just apps, drinks, and cake? Cutting out full entrees would help to save some money.

kmmssg · September 2009

Have you shown him a per person breakdown of the cost? The meal, drinks, venue pro-rated down to per person, invitations, favors, etc? He needs an eye opener as to what it costs to invite each person.You are both going to have to compromise between paper plates and plastic forks vs elegant. There is middle ground here, but you need to start with the per person cost.

dsouldiva · September 2009

I think you need to sit down with him and go though the guest list, are these extra 50 people really MUST invites?Or are they just people that "in an ideal world, with an unlimited budget" you would want there.I would be strict and remove anyone from the list that: a) has never been to your house (or unlikely to ever visit your home)b) you don't speak to more than twice a yearc) Haven't seen in the last 6/12 monthsd) are unlikely to see in the next 12 monthsd) You don't know the name of their significant other...These are just examples and there will always be exeptions i.e. long distance family/friends but asking questions like this will make you think whether that person is really a friend or more of an aquaintance.The fact that these 50 weren't on the original list of 100 would suggest that they aren't his nearest and dearest.I think you need to find a compromise, so maybe be prepared to add an extra 10/20 people but personally I wouldn't give in to all 50 because I wouldn't compromise my dream wedding for the sake of being surrounded by aquaintances on my big day.

*BeachBride0410* · September 2009

Where did the 50 people come from??? Its not like he said oh hunny I forgot to add "so & so" to the guest list, he add 50 people! That's a lot

Sooles · September 2009

when is your wedding? if you are really going to add another 50 people on, let him know that you may have to put off the whole wedding for another year or two. nice weddings can certainly be done cheap but if you are looking for classy and elegant, then 100 people for $5000 may be the biggest challenge of your life as it is.another option is if you throw something in the early afternoon, maybe a fancy cake and gourmet coffee bar type reception after the ceremony, that is the only thing i can think of to pull off a classy affair for 150 people at that price...

buttaflai · September 2009

H and I were really open about the budget as it should be. We both understood what the cost per person was and if we could not afford another guest, we did not invite them. You need to have this ADULT discussion with your fi about this. Don't approach it whiny with WAH, I WANT MY WAY, but go through the budgets and numbers. It's sometimes a difficult conversation to have, but you should already be having them with him.

Pirata13 · September 2009

I'm with lpstl that if he wants to add 50 people, he can pay for them out of his own pocket. But like others have said, talk to him about it. Where these people came from, see if you can whittle the list, consider the afternoon reception. And if he still insists and it still makes you over budget, tell him he needs to pay for it.

missx914 · September 2009

Thanks ladies. We've been engaged 4 weeks & were planning this wedding for 3/13/10. We've had the discussion about per person cost, so he does know. We just have different standards as to what our wedding should look like. I'm very frugal & have already saved us a ton of money with some wise purchases & planning. These 50 extra people threw a big monkey wrench in the whole thing.We are definitely going to continue discussing this. There are some things that you can compromise on & some things you just can't. I know not everyone that's invited will show up but we still need to plan as if they will. We can't invite all these people & hope 50 or 60 don't show!I'm beginning to think that 50 extra people & wedding planning is not our biggest problem but that his lack of communication skills may be.

Fiancee just added 50 more MUST invites!!

Re: Fiancee just added 50 more MUST invites!!

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