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How to respect the stepmom without hurting the mom?

jreilly17jreilly17
in Moms and Maids
Hi everyone,
My fiance and I both have long standing stepmoms as well as stepdads.  That's 8 parents between us!  For the most part everyone is happy and we don't have to deal with undercurrents of strain and anger.  In this respect we are lucky.  However my stepmom has always felt closer to me than I am to her. She's been married to my dad for 25 years, and although I want to honor this relationship, my mom is really the most important parent in my life. 
Does anyone have any ideas for what to do with my stepmom while I'm getting ready for the ceremony and sharing those moments with my mom and sister?  I don't want to make my stepmom feel completely left out, but I don't want to take away from my mom's moment with her daughters.  Also, my stepmom wants my sister and I to wear pearls that she gave both of us years and years ago.  She doesn't understand the implications for my mom, nor does she deal well when my opinion of what looks good differs from hers (my dress SO does not call for pearls!).  I'm desperately trying to honor everyone and keep myself sane at the same time.  I love them all, but ???
Thanks!
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Re: How to respect the stepmom without hurting the mom?

  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Can you wear the pearls at a different time?  Rehearsal or maybe a shower?  That way you're still using them for a wedding related event.

    As for the other,  I think I might have your mom and sis get ready with you, but arrange a time at the end of the "getting ready" for your SM to come into the room as well.  You can have a couple of pictures taken with her at that time.

    That way your mom has most of the time, but your SM gets a little piece of the "action" as well.

    DD did that with her FMIL at her wedding, and it worked out well.  I helped her get ready, but FMIL arrived to see her before the walk down the aisle....

    GL.  You sound like you're doing your best in a tricky situation.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • papermatepapermate
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ^ I think those are some dandy solutions!
    Maybe do some other little things to make the stepmom feel like a part of the day. Reserve some time to take photos of just you and her to make her feel special. Or thank her, along with the other step parents, during the reception.

    That is a tough situation to be in! But it's good that there seems to be an even playing field and they're not at each other's throats. Your situation could be a whooole lot worse from what I've seen!

    Good luck!
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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wrap the pearls around the handle of your bridal bouquet.
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  • Arther007Arther007
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think those are all great ideas. I love the isea of the pearls around your bouquet.
    Report Reply
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