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little confused about E-Party

My parents are throwing an engagement party for me and my FI at my aunt's house in October. My Fi's younger sister (who got engaged 4 months before we did & hasn't had an engagement party thrown for her yet) is claiming it's "weird" to invite family members? She somehow got it into her head that it's supposed to be "immediate family & the wedding party." Not that I'm much of a traditionalist, anyways... but I'm feeling like these comments may be stemming from jealousy? Instead of saying, "Oh I wish I had had an engaement party." she's trying to make us feel weird about having one....? (She and my FI aren't really close & have the lamest sibling rivalry ever). Now I've been looking and looking online... and the ONLY things I have read about who to invite is 1) not the whole wedding guest list, 2) not people from out of town, and 3) nobody who won't be invited to the wedding. I'm not saying we're going to invite 2nd cousins or anything-- but my mom's planning on inviting his grandparents (mine have all passed), aunt's and uncles from both sides, the wedding party, and a few friends of my family. First of all-- it's a party thrown for us, I'm not going to tell my parents how to throw it. Secondly, I think it's going to be fun! I just don't get why she has to be Debbie Downer about it & it's making me feel really uncomfortable having this party. Like I'm upsetting the etiquette gods or something? I don't even think this is a question. I'm just feeling a little confused & weird & guilty for some reason.

Re: little confused about E-Party

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    edited December 2011
    Don't feel confused & weird & guilty! Your guest list sounds perfectly reasonable. And it sounds like your focus is having a fun party not being gift-grabby or anything like that. I think you hit the nail on the head with lame sibling rivalry and FSIL jealousy from not having an engagement party herself. Don't let her get you down--allow your parents to throw you the party they want and have fun!
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    Torir911Torir911 member
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah I'll never understand the dynamic between the two of them. My sister and I are super close & my brother and I are only two years apart... and we've never really had a rivalry, but we definitely weren't each others biggest fans during high school and stuff :)
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    edited December 2011
    Heck NO! Your guest list is fine!My sister's friend had a HUGE Engagement Party (half of the guests invited to the wedding were invited-- gifts expected; a registry was included in the invite). Then they had a Jack and Jill shower (more gifts) which was also HUGE. And then the wedding.Only a few of us seemed to think that her guest lists were over the top and inappropriate. So you are SOOOOOO WELL WITHIN the boundaries of appropriate behaviour. Tell your FI's sister that you have no idea what she's talking about-- all the EXPERTS say differently from her. That should help her keep her mouth shut.
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    edited December 2011
    She's being jealous. Invite your local family and friends that you intend to invite to the wedding.  And don't feel weird about it!
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    edited December 2011
    My grandparent threw me and my FI an engagment party this summer. They live in New York with the rest of my family so the only out of town people invited were our best man, MOH, and his parents. Personally I didn't want a big party, but I also left it up to my grandparents because it was their wish to throw the party. I think that she's just jealous, and that your guest list in FINE!! Worst case scenario you can always say that you left it up to your parents and then she has nothing to say to you. Good luck with everything.
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