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hello ladies!

lysandramarielysandramarie
First Comment
in Second Weddings
Hi guys!  I've been hanging around other knot boards for a while but wanted to say hello here.  I just stopped by for the first time and it seems like such a great, supportive community!Our wedding is March 27, 2010 in DC.  We are both just a teeny bit under 30, both public interest attorneys in DC.  I was married at 21 and divorced a few years later.  FI was briefly engaged once to someone he dated for many years in his early 20's.  We don't have any kids but we have a cute little dog and just bought a house in the VA 'burbs.So I also have a question for you - my mother would like me to hand write on the invitations that go to people in my family "No gifts please."  Her reasoning is that many of them gave me a wedding gift 8 years ago (we eloped but many family members sent gifts after my parents send announcements).  I don't mind doing that at all - but do you think it's odd?  Is that customary?  Thanks!
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Re: hello ladies!

  • pamila51510pamila51510
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The other ladies on here are probibly better off to respond but we are not putting anything like that on our invitations. We don't really care if we get gifts. Thats our opinion. If someone feels that they want to give us gifts it is up to them. Although I don't want them to feel obligated to do so at all! Not sure that will help at all but thats all I got!
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  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Welcome!  This is a great board. Agree w/ Pamila.  We didn't say anything on the invites either, and most people who gave us gifts went with cash or gift cards.  Some donated their services (pianist, caterer) as their gift. I don't think it's customary to write that - most people won't hold it against you if you are marrying for a second time.  If they want to gift, they will.  If they want to ask you about it, they will.
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  • 2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [url=http://books.google.com/books?id=Ju1XvqoMookC&pg=PA509&lpg=PA509&dq="miss+manners"+"no+gifts+please"&source=bl&ots=5GAaDGD0GV&sig=zviXFolpGyiHnQgFmjEvGgYVlFk&hl=en&ei=SyCoSoqnIpKJtgeGo_SpCA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4#v=onepage&q="miss manners" "no gifts please"&f=false]It is actually considered bad etiquette to put, "No gifts please," on an invitation[/url].  First, the invitation is supposed to cover the most important matters, and presents (or the lack thereof) are not supposed to be the most important matter.  Second, a lot of people like giving gifts.  If you want to avoid gifts, you'll need to treat the issue like you would the issue of your wedding registry, e.g., your mother can pass on the information that you don't want them if she is asked what to get you, or you can include the information on a wedding website.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    2bride is correct.  Any mention of gifts is inappropriate on an invitation, even if it is to state no gifts.  A gift is, after all, completely voluntary, whether it's a first or fifth wedding. 
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  • piratetpiratet
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I just simply don't think you should have to put "no gifts please" on your invites, etiquette be damned haha. Personally, I'm just not going to have a bridal shower (as I've already been married and had one of those...and honestly think they're boring anyway, haha) and as others have said, gifts are voluntary, so...let your guests/family decide whether or not they want to give you one.
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  • joyangelajoyangela member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Im not putting any such thing on my invites. 2dBride is correct when she said its considered bad etiquette. even using the word "gift" on a wedding invite is bad etiquette. Not trying to be mean, but its really none of her business if someone wishes to give you a gift.
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  • lysandramarielysandramarie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone.  Joyangela - I don't think that's mean, I completely agree.  Sadly, my mother has said quite a few things about this being my second marriage that I thought were hurtful.  My favorite so far is "Well, your FI deserves a wedding, HE hasn't had one before." To be honest, I was planning to ignore her request anyway!  Of course we don't expect gifts at all - I'll just be glad if my family can travel the 4-5 hours to be here.
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  • joyangelajoyangela member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You deserve a beautiful day just as much as your FI does!! Just because this is the second time around for most of us on this board, doesn't mean we deserve it any less. This is my 2nd time, and we are having the big wedding, and im wearing the dress and the veil and having an engagement party and a shower. I just look at it as this is my 2nd chance to do it right, and im gonna puill out all the stops!! Enjoy your happiness sweetie, don't let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve it because you have been married before. And if you get gifts, enjoy them!!!! I know I will :)
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  • jeannigirljeannigirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp. Enjoy your day and don't let anyone's negative comments get to you.
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  • YoungerthaneverYoungerthanever member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    HiI agree with the other brides to be.  Don't mention give or not to give, this is up to the invitees.  If you do not want gifts you my tell mom and she can rely this information, but do not write it on the invitations.  Maybe, if you really do not what gifts you and your FI may have a charity you would like them to donate, too.  Again, mom's are great at telling everyone what you want or need.  But if you would like gift go ahead and registry,  you may want to up grade that coffee pot to and espresso machine. Ha, Ha.  Have fun and do what you want, not what your mother says, your a big girl now.  You also could wait on gifts for the wedding and have a house warming party. Enjoy your adventures in your in life.
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