Downtime between ceremony / reception due to bus shuttles

daveandabby · February 2012

Hello! I am looking for thoughts on having gaps between ceremony and reception. The situation is a bit complicated, so bear with me as I explain...

I am planning a wedding in the city, which means parking is an issue. The majority of our guests are local, so we are asking them to park at our reception site (which is also the hotel for guests who are from out-of-town), and we will be renting buses to shuttle people in groups from hotel to church and back again.

The second comment to add is that we are inviting a lot of college students (my fiance graduated last year; I'm graduating this year). Even though we can't invite all of them to the reception, we are still inviting lots of them to the ceremony (they won't be offended at being left out of the full reception, and instead will be excited to be able to come at all!) However, we are planning to have a short cake and punch reception at the church immediately after the ceremony for students who will not be attending the main reception (overlapping some with pictures at the church).

It looks like the best way to do things is to shuttle adult guests to the reception (~10min drive from church) in two shifts during the cake reception. However, that means that one group will be waiting around 1 hr, and one group will be waiting around 30min for the bridal party and students who will be attending both receptions to return to the hotel.

I would like to wait to start the cocktail hour until everyone has returned (make best use of the flat-rate open bar and make sure everyone gets to eat yummy hors d'oeuvres.) Is it unreasonable to ask the adult guests to wait 30-60 minutes for the full cocktail hour? I've thought a bit about some alternatives for the time--I thought of a scavenger hunt tour around the area (the reception is right in the middle of where we went to college), and maybe also some soft drinks and cheese/crackers/veggies and something fun to look at for those who want to stay put in the downtime.

Does that seem reasonable? Other ideas for things to do during the downtime?

OBX2011 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_downtime-between-ceremony-reception-due-to-bus-shuttles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:368d5417-d739-4ebe-8723-484f030cb18dPost:5768ecb7-8c93-49e2-8568-c93fcd3922bb">Downtime between ceremony / reception due to bus shuttles</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello! I am looking for thoughts on having gaps between ceremony and reception. The situation is a bit complicated, so bear with me as I explain... I am planning a wedding in the city, which means parking is an issue. The majority of our guests are local, so we are asking them to park at our reception site (which is also the hotel for guests who are from out-of-town), and we will be renting buses to shuttle people in groups from hotel to church and back again. The second comment to add is that we are inviting a lot of college students (my fiance graduated last year; I'm graduating this year). Even though we can't invite all of them to the reception, we are still inviting lots of them to the ceremony (they won't be offended at being left out of the full reception, and instead will be excited to be able to come at all!) However, we are planning to have a short cake and punch reception at the church immediately after the ceremony for students who will not be attending the main reception (overlapping some with pictures at the church). It looks like the best way to do things is to shuttle adult guests to the reception (~10min drive from church) in two shifts during the cake reception. However, that means that one group will be waiting around 1 hr, and one group will be waiting around 30min for the bridal party and students who will be attending both receptions to return to the hotel. I would like to wait to start the cocktail hour until everyone has returned (make best use of the flat-rate open bar and make sure everyone gets to eat yummy hors d'oeuvres.) Is it unreasonable to ask the adult guests to wait 30-60 minutes for the full cocktail hour? I've thought a bit about some alternatives for the time--I thought of a scavenger hunt tour around the area (the reception is right in the middle of where we went to college), and maybe also some soft drinks and cheese/crackers/veggies and something fun to look at for those who want to stay put in the downtime. Does that seem reasonable? Other ideas for things to do during the downtime?
Posted by daveandabby[/QUOTE]

I have nothing to add other than I think it's beyond rude that these "friends" are good enough for a cake & punch affair but not to your actual reception.

How do you think you are going to be able to take pictures AND still spend some time with your "friends" at the cake & punch affair??

And yes, it is unreasonable to make your guests wait.

ETA: and you are only thinking of the financial aspect of this in regards to the "flat rate open bar" comment as an excuse to make your guests wait until everyone is there before cocktail hour starts? Asking your guests to wait around so you can get a better rate is rude IMO.

vsgal · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_downtime-between-ceremony-reception-due-to-bus-shuttles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:368d5417-d739-4ebe-8723-484f030cb18dPost:5768ecb7-8c93-49e2-8568-c93fcd3922bb">Downtime between ceremony / reception due to bus shuttles</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello! I am looking for thoughts on having gaps between ceremony and reception. The situation is a bit complicated, so bear with me as I explain... I am planning a wedding in the city, which means parking is an issue. The majority of our guests are local, so we are asking them to park at our reception site (which is also the hotel for guests who are from out-of-town), and we will be renting buses to shuttle people in groups from hotel to church and back again. The second comment to add is that we are inviting a lot of college students (my fiance graduated last year; I'm graduating this year). Even though we can't invite all of them to the reception, we are still inviting lots of them to the ceremony (they won't be offended at being left out of the full reception, and instead will be excited to be able to come at all!) However, we are planning to have a short cake and punch reception at the church immediately after the ceremony for students who will not be attending the main reception (overlapping some with pictures at the church). It looks like the best way to do things is to shuttle adult guests to the reception (~10min drive from church) in two shifts during the cake reception. However, that means that one group will be waiting around 1 hr, and one group will be waiting around 30min for the bridal party and students who will be attending both receptions to return to the hotel. I would like to wait to start the cocktail hour until everyone has returned (make best use of the flat-rate open bar and make sure everyone gets to eat yummy hors d'oeuvres.) Is it unreasonable to ask the adult guests to wait 30-60 minutes for the full cocktail hour? I've thought a bit about some alternatives for the time--I thought of a scavenger hunt tour around the area (the reception is right in the middle of where we went to college), and maybe also some soft drinks and cheese/crackers/veggies and something fun to look at for those who want to stay put in the downtime. Does that seem reasonable? Other ideas for things to do during the downtime?
Posted by daveandabby[/QUOTE]

This is the crux of your issues. They have to be invited to all parts of the wedding. You know that it is tacky to only have them at the reception, yet you are still doing it. Cut your guestlist. You don't have to invite everyone you have ever met. I would be livid if you invited me to your wedding, but then I found out that I was only important enough to you attend half of the events. Obviously, I was not that important to you.

Once you change to inviting everyone to the actual reception, everything will get easier. You give people the option of driving to the reception on their own or taking the shuttle between the two places. Start the cocktail hour as soon as people start showing up to the reception. We had a city wedding with crazy parking. People used the parking garages and the street parking. Maybe you can work out a deal with a local garage for a group rate.

HobokensFury · February 2012

Sorry but the whole situation is rude and tacky for the reasons already mentioned.

jtreev · February 2012

Hmm I don't see what the big deal is about having people at the ceremony but not the reception. I've seen a lot of weddings that have "open ceremonies" where a blanket invitation is extended to a close-knit group, especially a church community or maybe an unusually large college student community like you describe. Sometimes you just care about more people than you have money for, and if your friends are so selfish to see that as an insult, maybe you don't want them to be your friends anymore anyway, haha.

I think it might help to make the whole thing more fluid. See if you can get your reception venue to start offering drinks just ten or fifteen minutes earlier. Don't bill the cake reception as something just "for students who will not be attending the main reception". Instead talk about it like, "we're going to get the festivities started right away with cake and punch right here at the church. Catch a ride back to the main reception when you can."

For those who do end up arriving a bit early to the reception, I think a scavenger hunt would be tacky and probably unnecessary. I bet you could fill all the in between time easily with some pretty and interesting displays. Make a timeline of your relationship. Make a little booth where people can record silly videos of themselves for you to watch later. Have your guestbook out and ready.

Bottom line. Time flies when your having fun. Don't call one "for students" and the other "for those invited". Make it fluid, don't worry about it, and the transition to reception will go quickly both for you and your guests.

Viczaesar · February 2012

This is an all-around hot mess. Rethink and host ALL of your guests properly, and don't keep them waiting.

Viczaesar · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_downtime-between-ceremony-reception-due-to-bus-shuttles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:368d5417-d739-4ebe-8723-484f030cb18dPost:19993334-c5b3-49f9-998f-da650d26b74c">Re: Downtime between ceremony / reception due to bus shuttles</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm I don't see what the big deal is about having people at the ceremony but not the reception. I've seen a lot of weddings that have "open ceremonies" where a blanket invitation is extended to a close-knit group, especially a church community or maybe an unusually large college student community like you describe. Sometimes you just care about more people than you have money for, and if your friends are so selfish to see that as an insult, maybe you don't want them to be your friends anymore anyway, haha. I think it might help to make the whole thing more fluid. See if you can get your reception venue to start offering drinks just ten or fifteen minutes earlier. Don't bill the cake reception as something just "for students who will not be attending the main reception". Instead talk about it like, "we're going to get the festivities started right away with cake and punch right here at the church. Catch a ride back to the main reception when you can." For those who do end up arriving a bit early to the reception, I think a scavenger hunt would be tacky and probably unnecessary. I bet you could fill all the in between time easily with some pretty and interesting displays. Make a timeline of your relationship. Make a little booth where people can record silly videos of themselves for you to watch later. Have your guestbook out and ready. Bottom line. Time flies when your having fun. Don't call one "for students" and the other "for those invited". Make it fluid, don't worry about it, and the transition to reception will go quickly both for you and your guests.
Posted by jtreev[/QUOTE]
This is some seriously fvcked up logic. My true friends won't be upset if I insult them and treat them like second rate friends...WTF? Way to be completely self-centered and selfish. This kind of "logic" is right up there with "Well, I wouldn't hit her if she just wouldn't piss me off so much!!!"

vsgal · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_downtime-between-ceremony-reception-due-to-bus-shuttles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:368d5417-d739-4ebe-8723-484f030cb18dPost:19993334-c5b3-49f9-998f-da650d26b74c">Re: Downtime between ceremony / reception due to bus shuttles</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmm I don't see what the big deal is about having people at the ceremony but not the reception. I've seen a lot of weddings that have "open ceremonies" where a blanket invitation is extended to a close-knit group, especially a church community or maybe an unusually large college student community like you describe. Sometimes you just care about more people than you have money for, and if your friends are so selfish to see that as an insult, maybe you don't want them to be your friends anymore anyway, haha. I think it might help to make the whole thing more fluid. See if you can get your reception venue to start offering drinks just ten or fifteen minutes earlier. Don't bill the cake reception as something just "for students who will not be attending the main reception". Instead talk about it like, "we're going to get the festivities started right away with cake and punch right here at the church. Catch a ride back to the main reception when you can." For those who do end up arriving a bit early to the reception, I think a scavenger hunt would be tacky and probably unnecessary. I bet you could fill all the in between time easily with some pretty and interesting displays. Make a timeline of your relationship. Make a little booth where people can record silly videos of themselves for you to watch later. Have your guestbook out and ready. Bottom line. Time flies when your having fun. Don't call one "for students" and the other "for those invited". Make it fluid, don't worry about it, and the transition to reception will go quickly both for you and your guests.
Posted by jtreev[/QUOTE]

The only time what you are suggesting is acceptable is when you have a wedding in a church and the regular church congregation attends. A chuch is a public place and you can't tell people they can't come into a church. Sometimes an announcement will be made to the congregation or a bulletin will be posted. No formal invites are sent out. They do not expect to be invited to the reception. A regular church congregation is the only group that has this exception. Fellow college students that are invited to the ceremony MUST be invited to the whole of the events, including the reception. Work colleagues that are invited to the ceremony MUST be invited to the reception.

It is extremely rude to invite friends to the ceremony and a cake/punch reception when you have every intention of feeding a meal to others. I would never do that to any of my friends. You wouldn't invite 8 friends over for dinner and after the appetizer course ask 4 of them to leave so you can serve dinner to your real friends. People may say to your face that they don't care. They will talk about you behind your back.

BTW, it is one thing to have a tiered reception. It is over the top to try to hide your true motives by "not billing the cake reception as something just for the college students." So, you are not only tacky, but you are also a liar.

If I ever got an invite to this kind of event, even if I was one of the lucky ones getting a meal, I would seriously re-evaluate my relationship with the bride or groom. I would probably come out on the other end with two less friends.

saric83 · February 2012

This all just sounds like a terrible idea. Please please please don't do this!

You say they won't be offended, and maybe they won't be intially put off by the idea, but when they're standing there in a small group at the church while they see everyone else going off somewhere fun where they can't go, they'll be bummed and feel left-out.

Hilraythebride · February 2012

I would recommend inviting everyone to attend this cake and punch reception until their bus arrives. I just really don't see how you think you will be able to spend much time with your friends and do formal pictures.

I really think you need to start the cocktail hour right away though. To make people wait until everyone is back seems really rude. That is like making everyone wait for the cocktail hour until the bride and groom get there. Usually the WP misses the cocktail hour due to wedding pictures.

Hilraythebride · February 2012

Hmm I don't see what the big deal is about having people at the ceremony but not the reception. I've seen a lot of weddings that have "open ceremonies" where a blanket invitation is extended to a close-knit group, especially a church community or maybe an unusually large college student community like you describe.

If it is in a church then yes it will be an open ceremony but these people won't be getting invites from the bride and groom and will most likely find out about it in their church newsletter so of course they aren't going to the reception.

She isn't talking about this she is talking about only inviting her college friends to a short after party at the ceremony site and not to the "adult" reception. I don't think this is right and would be offended. It is just like a tiered reception to me.

Magdeline687 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_downtime-between-ceremony-reception-due-to-bus-shuttles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:368d5417-d739-4ebe-8723-484f030cb18dPost:cad6fd5f-53d5-4ba1-8be0-711f9bebf0cd">Re: Downtime between ceremony / reception due to bus shuttles</a>:
[QUOTE]maybe they won't be intially put off by the idea, but when they're standing there in a small group at the church while they see everyone else going off somewhere fun where they can't go, they'll be bummed and feel left-out.
Posted by saric83[/QUOTE]

<div>I totally agree. I think that this whole plan is one of the worst that I have ever heard of, quite frankly. It is completely inconsiderate and awful. </div>

Downtime between ceremony / reception due to bus shuttles

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