Maine

Poll: Inviting kids?

Are you inviting kids to your wedding?

If not, how are you getting the word out? FI and I aren't for space reasons, and we sent out STDs but not invitations, but people are starting to assume their kids are invited. I want to let people know before they start booking flights or whatnot, but I'm not sure the most polite way. Put it on our website? Ask our moms to spread the word? I mean, if people ask me, I will tell them, but I don't want to just call up people before I've even invited them and be like, "Oh, and by the way, your kid can't come."

I thought about trying to hire a babysitter or something to watch kids during the reception, but the logistics of that seem daunting. We are not getting married in our hometown, so I have no idea how to go about finding a good babysitter, figuring out how many kids would have to be watched, where the kids could hang out, how to feed them, etc. etc. Thoughts?
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Re: Poll: Inviting kids?

  • edited December 2011
    We only allowed my young cousins to come.  No one else brought their kids.  I don't think we said anything to our guests about not bringing their children except to address the invitations specifically to the people invited, like Mr. & Mrs. Jones, rather than Jones Family. 

    Of course, none of our guests, except for my aunts and uncles, have young children, so I don't think it was as sticky of an issue.  No one was making the assumption that their kids were invited, so I'm not much of a help.
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  • edited December 2011
    I've got lots of cousins with young kids, and we just don't have the space for all of them, so of course we can't pick and choose. But I've got cousins who are hoping to fly home for the wedding, and I kind of want to tell them there's no kids before they book a flight. My family is one of those that assumes kids are invited, and there was a big thing last year when my uncle didn't invite kids to his wedding, so I'm hoping to avoid that by preempting it!

    We sent the STDs addresses to just the people invited, and will do the same for invitations, but I was thinking of spreading the word before the invites go out.
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  • edited December 2011
    The only kids we are inviting are our 5 Nieces and 3 nephews. Two of our nieces are pre-teens (so I guess I shouldn't count them as kids) My neice and nephew are the ringbearer/flowergirl so obviously they are invited.
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  • edited December 2011
    My fiance and I are having this same issue.  We've decided that the only kids invited to the wedding are family (and my 2 nieces will be flower girls).  He has a small handful of friends who have children, and he's concerned that they won't "get" that their kids aren't invited.  A friend of his actually suggested that we put it on our web site, to which I said absolutely not--tacky. 

    My question is, what is the best way to relay this message?  My understand has always been that you do it via the invitation and only include the parents' names.  Period.  Is this enough or do we need to do something else?  We've chatted about it independently with friends, so some people know, but just want to make sure we're handling this the right way via the invitations.
  • Torir911Torir911 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Kids under 10 aren't invited. I would expect a younger kid to sit and behave and keep quiet during a ceremony. Even at 10 I'm sure my nephew will be fidgeting and bored out of his mind. I also have horrible visions of my nephew attempting his "break dancing" on the dancefloor and knocking my Fi's grandmother's feet right out from under her. I told my sister I would really appreciate it if he could get picked up after the cake was cut. That way she will be able to party with us without having to keep an eye on him!

    We also drew the line at inviting second cousins-- so I won't be inviting any of my cousins children, either.

  • edited December 2011
    We aren't inviting kids to the actual wedding (on a sailboat, so limited number of spaces), but as everyone is traveling to our wedding (in Maine), we are inviting children for the weekend and will provide babysitters.  Luckily my sister lives there and has a large house and a bunch of teenage babysitters.  

    My brother, on the other hand, just got engaged and they aren't inviting kids.  They will put just the names of the invited on the invitations, but they have also already told their close family (brothers, sisters and parents) that kids aren't invited, so if anyone asks, we can answer.  This seems like a good way to get word out.
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  • JaimeMarieBJaimeMarieB member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I haven't read everyones messages. I would probably have your families and close friends start spreading the word that children are not invited. If you want help finding baby sitters I can probalby help you out.
    Would the mt. Let you use the daycare space?  I know the woman who runs the daycare at the Mt. I could ask her if you want.

  • edited December 2011
    Scott told me the daycare room is where the bridal party usually assembles before the ceremony, so I would think we could use it as a daycare as well. I'm thinking about trying to hire a babysitter, since I have cousins traveling from out of state to come to the wedding, and I don't think they'll come if their kids can't come, since the wedding is not in our hometown and there's really nowhere for the kids to go. I really want my cousins to come but don't know how to deal with the kids thing.

    I'm just worried about having to deal with the logistics of having a babysitter, getting the kids fed, making sure there aren't too many kids for one babysitter to handle, etc. I definitely don't want people coming to me the day of with problems or questions with the kids. We could potentially have at least 15 kids under the age of 10 show up, so obviously we'd need more than one person to watch them. So complicated!

    We asked FI's mom to spread the word if people asked that kids wouldn't be invited, and she pretty much said no, because she thought it would cause drama in her family. Ugh. I guess we'll have to be the bad guys and do it. I know it's bad etiquette to put it somewhere (on an invitation, website) but we may have to get blunt.

    I actually had a dream about this last night -- I was talking to my cousin and trying to think of a tactful way to tell her that her kids couldn't come. In my dream, I never got the nerve to say it.

    I may have to ask you later JamieMarie about babysitters, since I don't know anyone in the Bridgton area.
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  • edited December 2011
    are there any kids older like a teen ager perhaps that you could ask to keep the kids entertained? I'm allowing kids at the wedding because FI didnt want his family to get irritated because most of them has YOUNG kids. I didnt want to invite kids becuase there will be a bar there and I dont feel that kids should be around that. But my venue offers a pretty cheap kids buffet with french fries and all that stuff that kids like. If you do decide to find a babysitter you could also ask your caterer/venue if they have the same option.
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