Chinese Weddings
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Tea Ceremony for Non-Chinese family members

I am of Chinese descent and my FI is of Polish descent. During the tea ceremony, should FI's parents participate (i.e. should we give tea to FI's parents too in addition to my parents and grandma?). What do you ladies think?

Re: Tea Ceremony for Non-Chinese family members

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    ring_popring_pop member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My DH is of Indian descent and we included his parents, as well his aunt & uncle in the tea ceremony. They were very touched that we wanted to include them in my traditions. I definitely think it would be a good idea to involve them. After all, the wedding is about merging your families. To avoid making it seem like a cash grab, I did explain to them that it was perfectly OK to just insert a token gift (like $10) into the red envelopes. I stressed that it was all about us showing them our respect and thanks. What parents could refuse that?
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    armlb81armlb81 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My family is caucasian, and I'm marrying a Vietnamese man...we're including my family in the tea ceremony at his parent's house. I hadn't thought about the red envelopes, though. I'm not sure the differences, but I know Viet/Chinese both do the red envelopes. Will it be considered rude if my family does not give envelopes? I figured we'd just leave that part out, b/c I don't want to tell them they need to give us money! Even if it is only $10....hmmmm, one more thing to htink about..
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    isyuwonoisyuwono member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you, ladies! That helps a lot. =)
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    ring_popring_pop member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    armlb81 - double check with your fiance's parents to see what they think, but I really think that your family should do the red envelopes. If your fiance's relatives are superstitious, they may think it's unlucky, or otherwise look down on your family if they don't do it. The 2-way exchange is really a part of the ceremony; you show your respect, and the gift and their words of wisdom are like their blessing upon you. Honestly, they can just insert a token gift. Even a couple of dollar bills is fine, you don't open the envelopes in front of everyone anyway.
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    stina93446stina93446 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Involve them. the whole purpose of serving tea is to extend yourself to their family. The meaning doesn't change just because they're white. You're totally in the clear to serve them.
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    edited December 2011
    I definitely think you should include them in the ceremony. After all they're your new family so why not involve them in the ceremony and give them a chance to learn more about your culture. Cheers!
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    edited December 2011
    You should ask them beforehand and see what they think.  Obviously, you should explain the custom to them first.  For me, it was a highlight of my wedding to include DH's family in the tea ceremony.  They were really excited about participating and I felt like it melded our families together. 
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