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Family Drama Rant - Kinda long

devonandryandevonandryan
First Comment
in California-San Diego
Hello ladies,So, is it just me, or does a bride's happiest day seem to bring out the worst in those closest to her? :-)  Here's a scenario for you to digest:My immediate family lives in several cities in Virginia.  I am the only one of 5 children to move out of the state and I ended up moving to SD because of work.  Both of my parents' side of the family live in Texas.  My fiance's family lives in SoCal, as do most of our friends.  No matter where I chose to have the wedding, a lot of people were going to have to fly.For several reasons, my fiance and I chose to have our wedding in SoCal.  Since this decision I have heard a lot of grief from my cousin in Texas and my parents in Virginia.  No one is happy to have to take off from work and fly out for our wedding, despite the fact that I have done the same for 3 of my siblings in Virginia and have attanded family events in Texas - all by taking my vacation time and flying out.  I really don't understand why I am getting so much heat for this decision from my family.My cousin and I got into a huge fight last year and didn't speak for a while.  Now the subject has come up again and my cousin keeps telling me I am not respecting the fact that the logistics for travel aren't easy for my family.  For the record - my father used his frequent flier miles and hotel points to book most of my immediate family members their travel.  My fiance and I are feeding them all of their meals except the free breakfast available at the hotels.  I arranged (through headache inducing back-and-forth with my parents) for my cousin to stay with my parents and ride with them in their car so she only had to pay for her plane ticket (which was less than $300).  I paid for my sister, her husband and their child to fly from Virginia.Am I crazy for thinking their anger and resentment is misplaced?  Did this happen to anyone else?
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Re: Family Drama Rant - Kinda long

  • wendysandiegowendysandiego member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It is bizarre how what is supposed to be a really happy time turns out to be miserable with some family members. You are having your wedding in San Diego. Period. Your cousin can't really pull the "you aren't respecting the family" thing, because it doesn't have anything to do with that. You live here, so does your FI. End. Of. Story. They don't HAVE to come. If I were you, I wouldn't engage in any more discussion with them. Every time they try to bring it up, just tell them you know its a financial commitment of sorts to attend the wedding, and that you'd love it if they came, but totally understand if they can't. Then change the subject or end the phone conversation (nicely) if they want to keep ranting about it. It's not your responsibility to worry about everyone's financial and logistical situations. If it was, you couldn't have the wedding ANYWHERE, because SOMEONE is always from someplace ELSE. good luck.
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  • devonandryandevonandryan
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you, wednysandiego! It helps with my sanity to read it from a third party. I really wish my family understood everything you wrote, but they don't. Fortunately, I only have about 2 more weeks to worry about it and then the wedding will be over...I NEVER in a million years thought I would want my wedding day to just be over so I could avoid family drama.
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  • LeAnna&TomLeAnna&Tom member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have the same problem but they are not causing drama they just can't afford or for health reasons can't make the trip. I have family from Washington state to Pa to South Carolina. I have traveled so many times to go see all of them, I have decided to just be happy with who I have coming!!!  What is important is I am getting married all the other stuff is not worth stressing over!!!
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  • liashkeliashke
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Drama's always tough. :-/  I agree, though, that these days it's almost a guarantee that someone's going to have to travel.  Maybe a lot of someones.  But I think you have every right to have your wedding where you want it--if nothing else, it certainly sounds like you've done your fair share of travel.  And it's not like you're doing a destination wedding in the Cayman Islands. :>  It's also likely much easier for you as the person planning the wedding to be local to the vendors and sites and such.  I think I'd go nuts trying to do that long-distance.  So... hang in there?  It sounds like you bent over backwards to make it as smooth as possible for everyone, more than many people would do.  I hope all goes smoothly on your wedding day and it's not just thank-goodness-it's-over.I'm set on having my wedding in SD, though it's true that more than half the guests will have to travel.  Most of his family live here, all of mine live elsewhere, and I have more people to invite.  But I want to have the wedding here. :)  So far everyone's just accepted that and, if anything, are happy they have an excuse to visit southern California.   It's a wedding, but it's also a vacation.
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  • SprzoutSprzout
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You're not the only one. My future father-in-law, the bride's dad...He's mad that we won't have the wedding up in Northern California, where a good portion of HIS family lives. The old bit of the father of the bride paying for the wedding, well...He won't pay for any of it because we don't want to have it up there. And he's making noises like he won't participate if we have it down here. All I can think is, "Wow, how selfish."I mean, I understand that he doesn't want to pay for it, but just because we're not doing it the way HE wants the wedding to go, not to mention the costs for us trying to plan a destination wedding to Northern California - IN FEBRUARY.The real kicker is that he is the only one who's feeling this way - everyone else wants us to hold it here in San Diego, so that they can see the sights, and have better weather than what typically is found in Northern California.Yeah, this is where you can say, "Well, family sucks sometimes...But, they're family!"
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  • MMP09MMP09
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I understand how you feel.  I am from another state, along with most of my family but decided to have wedding in SD.  I decided to have a second reception in my home state for all my friends and family back home who were not able to make the trip out here.  Ours was more of a backyard bbq wedding reception, but maybe you could have something like that. 
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  • devonandryandevonandryan
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are paying for our wedding, so we didn't have to worry about anyone telling us where to get married. It still amazes me how family will complain...I wish I could just shrug my shoulders, but the people complaining are in the wedding, so I am just avoiding them right now. :-) We seem to have had a tough time with our guests: my fiance's parents insisted on inviting a family member that my fiance really can't stand (something bad happened between the two of them)...this family member then decided to invite their spouse and their two kids, so we had to make the room. Then another family member decided to invite their child, the child's boyfriend and her boyfriend! Again, we had to make the room. My fiance is in the military and his head honcho also invited himself...so we made room for him and his girlfriend. Mind you, our venue has a limited number of seating per fire code. Now we have a bridesmaid that can't make it (my sister - more family drama) and a groomsman that pulled out today saying he can't afford the trip. At this point (our wedding is two weeks away) I am ready to just run off to Vegas and forget the whole thing, except we have paid for this on our own and can't walk away from the expense...sigh, who knew a wedding would be so much drama! :-) Should I be proactive and enroll myself in AA now, or just wait until the drinking is really our of hand? haha!
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