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Help! Advice about FMIL.

miltown83miltown83 member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My FMIL is driving me crazy. She's up in arms because our wedding isn't going to be "traditional" enough. She's upset because my bridesmaids are all wearing different colored dresses. She's upset because my MOH is wearing white. She's upset because I have 4 bridesmaids and FI only has 3 groomsmen. She's upset because I'm not wearing a veil. I try to change the subject and not talk about these things around her, but she's incredibly persistent. FI has tried talking to her and telling her to stop and this is how we want things. Nothing's worked. FYI, we're paying for everything ourselves (which is perfectly fine with me! I just know you ladies sometimes ask who's paying when questions like this come up.) What should we do? FI is completely with me on this, but we can't seem to get through to her.
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Re: Help! Advice about FMIL.

  • NebbNebb member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Why not ask her if there are any other traditional elements she would like to see included and see if you can come to some kind of agreement on those. Be firm that the things youve decided on already arent changing, but try to accomodate her atleast a little bit.
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  • salt78salt78 member
    5000 Comments
    Whew. I'd stop discussing any and all wedding related things with her STAT.
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  • wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    My Mom is a lot like this, actually.  I just listen to her complain and do things my way anyway. 

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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  • kikibabykikibaby member
    5000 Comments
    Just tell her (politely) that you appreciate her advice, but this wedding is more your style, and you and FI are happy about the way it is going.  In other words, thanks but no thanks, FMIL.
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  • miltown83miltown83 member
    First Comment
    Salt, we try but she keeps bringing them up. Over, and over, and over. Everytime FI calls her, everytime we go over there. And she won't let it go. It's actually pretty ridiculous. Nebb, that might work. I'll talk to FI and see what he thinks. I just hope it doesn't backfire.
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    Your wedding sounds great!  I wouldn't talk anything wedding with her either, but you said that doesn't work.  I may stop talking to her altogether.  Or, you could make it fun, and start making up outrageous things to feed her. 
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm so glad my FMIL is awesome.

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  • Soon-to-be Mrs. VogtSoon-to-be Mrs. Vogt
    2500 Comments
    End the conversation if she doesn't let it drop. When your FI calls her and she wants to talk about the wedding, he can tell her "Mom, I don't want to talk about it with you because we have such different opinions on how things should be." If she brings it up again, he can say "Mom, I do not want to have a conversation about this and if that's what you want to talk about, I'm going to tell you goodbye."Then he has to follow through with it. Sooner or later, she'll get the idea.
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  • miltown83miltown83 member
    First Comment
    TideTravel, that's a great idea! Maybe she'll get the hint. Seriously, she's nuts. She's already informed us that we should wait exactly a year after the wedding to start "attempting to procreate" (yes, that's exactly what she said). I can't wait to see how she feels about our child rearing. I'm guessing she won't be having much contact with our children.
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  • wadingmoosewadingmoose member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 25 Love Its
    Heh, miltown, my Mom has this very defined view of what a wedding is:Saturday, ceremony at 2pm.Dinner at 7.MUST be in a church.MUST have dancing.She's relaxed her cake requirements - it used to be that it HAD to be a fruitcake.  Seriously.  Now she's fine with cupcakes because one of her friend's kids got married and they had cupcakes.  So now it's acceptable.My Sunday brunch wedding at a golf course without dancing is sending her into fits.  She loves making snide comments about it and honestly, I try to just ignore it.  I know why she is that way.  In her mind, a wedding really does have pretty strict rules around what is appropriate and allowed.  When all is said and done, I'll still be married and I'm gonna guess that she has a lovely time. And then continues to complain about it for a good year.

    "You can take your etiquette and shove it!" ~misscarolb
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  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments
    Maybe she'll get the hint. Probably not, but at least it would be fun for you to watch the meltdown."Sooo, FMIL, FI and I were thinking that since neither of us actually like cake, that we're going to forgo it.  Instead, we're going to have a giant stack of pancakes covered in maple syrup, with marshmellows to seperate the tiers.  Doesn't that sound AWESOME?"
    Holy Crap. We survived the first year!
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  • shawna77inilshawna77inil member
    100 Comments
    My MIL was being quite pushy about things. We quit answering the phone. She quit being pushy.  :-)I'm just sayin'.
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  • kmt_caskmt_cas
    1000 Comments
    Your FI has to be the main one discussing this with her.  If she is constantly bringing up the wedding and certain details tell her you want it to be a surprise.  I also like the idea of backing down on some areas where she can have her traditional element.  Especially if it is something that neither you nor your FI really care about.  Like favors or ceremony music or something along those lines.  But again, make sure if she starts riding on you over one aspect or another make sure FI takes care of it.  It's not your battle.
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