The Great Rabbi Search 2009

sara.altman · September 2009

So I finally have a place and a date so I need to start talking to rabbis. I have three problems impeding me in this1. FH is a non-jew and that basically puts me with rent-a-rabbis or open minded reform rabbis and I identify as conservative.2. I moved away from my home town 5 years ago and there isn't a rabbi or cantor that I'm close with here in DC to get recommendations from. I don't want to be one of those people that joins a synagogue just because they're getting married. We don't know how long we're going to stay in this city. 3. I'm still really attached to my childhood rabbi, and would like to ask him because he's really helped shaped my relationship with this religion as rocky as it is. I haven't seen him since my parents moved. I would like to ask him but would be asking him to travel about 250 miles to officiate and be a guest. When we were living close by, he was one of my father's good friends and they still talk on occasion. My dad might want to invite him anyway, would it be rude to ask him to officiate?

2dBride · September 2009

I responded at more length elsewhere, but just wanted to wish you good luck on that!

salyse530 · September 2009

I don't think it would hurt to ask. The worse thing that he could do is say no. BTW, I'm in DC and we found a rabbi that we liked so much that he inspired us to join the synagogue (he's reformed and VERY open minded). If you want his info, let me know at salyse530 at yahoo dot com.

october010bride · September 2009

I agree, the worst thing that he could say is no.. so just ask! As for liberal rabbis or rent-a-rabbis, have you thought about using a cantor? I know a lot of cantors who will officiate interfaith weddings when traditional rabbis won't. good luck and happy planning!

razdazzle_22377334 · September 2009

I think it would be nice to ask your Rabbi. Keep in mind if he is coming as a vendor you would need to provide transportation and accommodations for him. Also be prepared for him to decline if he is Conservative and your FI is not Jewish. I am only saying this because my FI's childhood Rabbi won't officiate since the food at the reception is not strict kosher.

bayshale · September 2009

Just a heads up, unless the movement has changed drastically in the past year that I haven't been working for them, if this rabbi is Conservative (i.e., a rabbi at a USCJ synagogue or ordained by the Conservative movement) he won't be able to officiate your wedding nor would he be allowed to attend if your FI is not Jewish. Many rabbis will perform weddings not held at their synagogue, so I don't think it would be rude to ask, in fact, it probably will be very meaningful. We flew our rabbi and his wife from AZ to TN to officiate at our wedding, and because he had a relationship with my DH the ceremony was all the more beautiful.Good Luck!

BenandDina · September 2009

The worst that can happen is he can say 'no', but he would probably be flattered that you asked.

rmfriedman · September 2009

I'm in a similar situation and my conservative rabbi will not perform the wedding (even though we plan on raising our children Jewish, etc..etc..). I don't think it hurts to ask, but be prepared for that. A cantor at the reconstructionist synagogue in town offered to do it if my FI signed certain papers promising to incorporate Judaism into our marriage....which would have been fine, but then he wanted FI to have an adult circumcision, which was NOT fine with him. (I don't blame him.) We are using a rabbi that officiated my friend's interfaith wedding and he has been wonderful. Even though renting a rabbi isn't ideal, it is nice to find a rabbi that you and your FI pick out together - one that understands you as a couple, respects your love for one another and does not judge you. We are having a Jewish service, but have asked the rabbi to translate everything in English FIRST before the Hebrew. Anyway, best of luck!!

kissum · September 2009

My reform rabbi wouldn't perform an interfaith marriage, just as an fyi- despite the fact that we're already raising our daughter as Jewish.Some won't. I was pretty crushed, and am trying to find someone else. But it never hurts to ask! I do think you should prepare yourself for the chance he may say no, because it's really upsetting to have someone important in your life refuse to marry you. Good luck!

2dBride · September 2009

kissum, I have to say, when we went looking for a rabbi to perform our wedding, it was much harder to find a rabbi who would perform an interfaith wedding than to find one who would perform a same-sex wedding--and we were only considering Reform rabbis. This was true even though our wedding doesn't actually involve more than one faith, since NotFroofy does not have a religion. And in our case, my children (already grown) are both already Jewish, and we will not be having more children.I went through something like four rabbis that had been recommended to me, and they all said no. At the fourth congregation, someone else in the congregation (not the rabbi) said, "You might talk with the rabbi over at Shir Tikvah in Winchester." That was how we ended up finding our rabbi.However, it is not at all uncommon to find a Reform rabbi who will not perform interfaith weddings. And even among those who will, it is not uncommon to find that the wedding cannot be performed at the synagogue itself.I know it is hard to have your own rabbi turn you down. But FWIW, that should not be taken as a personal reflection on you--it is the policy of many Reform rabbis.Oh, and if you are looking for a rabbi who will perform interfaith weddings in Colorado, [url=http://www.adventurerabbi.org/rabbi/weddings-interfaith.htm]Rabbi Korngold[/url] looked like an interesting choice, although I have not personally met her.

phkesner · September 2009

Rabbis affiliated with the local college might be a good start for interfaith.

The Great Rabbi Search 2009

Re: The Great Rabbi Search 2009

Choose Another Board

Search Boards