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FMIL...

Vanessa-AVanessa-A
First Comment
in Latino Weddings
Hi ladies! I have to talk to my FMIL about her guest list for the wedding--hopefully this weekend. We originally just wanted 100 people max at our wedding and after we wrote our list it is at about 94 or so. Once his mom adds on her list it just might end up around 130! I know it sounds like only ~30 people more and she did offer to pay for it, we just don't want that. My FI's sister had the huge wedding with all the family coming from Guate and over 200 guests but we want the opposite of her. Did anyone else have the same problem or anything similar? All that matters to us is family and close friends being there and they are included already. I will talk to her with my FI there but I just wanted to know from everyone else what they might have experienced.
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Re: FMIL...

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    VivaLaDiva405VivaLaDiva405
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    edited December 2011
    My parents and FI's added about 10 names to the list. My parents are paying for up to a certain dollar amount for the reception, and then any extra is up to the people who invite them. So FI ended up inviting his whole team from work, and my parents a few friends, and FI's parents the vecina from 20 yrs, etc. Everyone pays their own excess and the more the merrier in my book. But I'm a big fan of big weddings, which is why I'm having one :-)
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    Vanessa-AVanessa-A
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    edited December 2011
    Since the wedding is being paid for by us we wanted to stay in a budget. We are also buying a house so we have to keep in the budget for sure. I wish I was the type who wanted the big wedding (part of me thinks that would be fun) but its not either of us, we don't like to be the center of attention---but we will deal with our "stage fright" on wedding day.
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    Bradley21Bradley21
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    edited December 2011
    Hi Vanessa If you and FI are paying for the wedding then you both should be the ones making this Decision. Not anyone else. If FI and you want a small wedding then let it be that way. This is a day for the both of you and no one else. What is Fi's opinion about this? Its funny that I was looking at my Quincianero album and saw that we invited so many people that really didnt need to be there and I decided that i would not do the same for my wedding. Have FI talk to his mom. I think it would be best if he was the one to confront her and tell her what you guys expect of the wedding. GL!
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    dora12dora12
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    edited December 2011
    Like other people mention before it is completely up to the two of you of how many people you want at your wedding. I recommend you sit and talk to you FMIL and explain to her the important you have on having a small wedding. I'm sure she will understand just make sure you approach to her in such a way she won't get offended. Unfortunately my MI was not understanding at all. She just starting inviting people and then asked me to give her 40 invitations for her friends. I was like "what!!. No way." Anyways good luck with your wedding planning enjoy it!
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    lysandramarielysandramarie
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    edited December 2011
    Hey Vanessa - my FI is from Guate too and we are trying to avoid basically having an entire village fly up and attend our wedding! His mom did add a lot of people at first and offered to help pay, but we just explained that we want a small wedding for a reason other than just the $.  He kind of warned her over the phone first that we were going to say that so it didn't seem like we ambushed her.  She agreed, although she drops some guilt-inducing comments from time to time!About three weeks after this talk we met some long, long ago distant family friends at her house one afternoon.  They live in Costa Rica and were just visiting the states and stopped by to see her dad.  My FI had never even seen them before.  When we introduced ourselves the wife was like "Oh!  Congratulations!  Your mom told us all about the wedding - we're getting our tickets and we'll be back in March!"  Haha she can't help herself!
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    Vanessa-AVanessa-A
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    edited December 2011
    Lysandra you're a DC bride!! Not too far from me just about 45 mins to Bmore! Thanks for the input. And at least you met the "stranger" who will be back in a few months. :)
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    Mrs.RomejMrs.Romej
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    edited December 2011
    This has been our biggest issue, we're having a relatively "small" wedding (80 guests max) and everyone thinks it's wrong. This is what we want and are making sure we keep it intimate. Everyone thinks its a free for all and want to provide their list, his mom, my mom, his cousin it's just gotten out of control. lysandramarie - I went through the same... FMIL did this to me, met a niece from the phillipines and without even running it by me just invited her. Her brother was in military and had the daughter and never knew until she found him, we all met her that day. I said hi to her 30 seconds after FMIL did and she then turned around and said "this is my son he's getting married next summer you have to come". Like other girls said we just want to keep it small and we are paying ALL of it.
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    HEA123HEA123
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    edited December 2011
    Oh Ladies... I thought I was alone in this. My FI and I have chosen to pay for our own wedding. Despite the fact that both of our parents offered to pay for it, we also want a small intimate wedding. The ONLY way to make sure that happens is to cover the costs yourselves. I am Brazilian/European and an only child, with an equally small extended family. FI only has one brother. He is originally from Mexico City and has a large family there and a few members here. What we did is arranged a dinner with both of our families to discuss this and provide them invite lists. I made a sheet for both of them that had three sections: Must invite, should invite, would be nice. I told them to put 4-6 people in each section. We also informed them that this is not a wedding they may be used to where last minute invites are ok and it is a free for all. Instead we said that whoever is invited and does not rsvp will not be counted for in the final head count. We will be hiring a DOC who will take care of that for us. The other thing is that we are not having any children at the wedding. As long as you approach it in a firm, respectful manner your future family should understand. But again, covering the cost yourselves is the BEST way to accomplish a small intimate wedding with large latin families :) Buena Suerte!
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