What do you ladies think?

lily5727 · September 2009

Cliffs notes: FI’s little sister is BM in wedding and she just moved to S. Dakota about month ago. Got text from her that she may not be able to come to wedding b/c of money. FI and I decided to pay for rest of dress and her father pay for plane ticket so she can come. We e-mailed her and called her to let her know not to worry about money no response back. Here’s the long version: My FI’s is very close with his younger sister she just turned 21. I think partially due to age difference he’s 13 yrs older and things that have happened in her youth have made him very protective of her (he and his father tend to baby her a lot). I also have a good relationship with her so I asked her to be a BM in the wedding. Everything was good fast forward about 5 months to August her boyfriend graduated from basic training and found out he was getting stationed in S. Dakota so they decided to have a quickie wedding so she can move there with him. I received a text from her about 3 day ago saying she is having money problems b/c she hasn’t found a job yet and isn’t sure if she can afford to come back for the wedding and pay off her dress. She said if we can help her out she’ll pay us back. I completely understand where she’s coming from so FI and I talk to her father and he says he’ll pay for her plane ticket and we will pay her dress off and no need to worry about paying anything back b/c we understand she's just starting out. FI e-mails her to let her know and calls her so do I all with no response back. Then I get home yesterday and FI tells me that FSIL has posted something entirely different on facebook for not wanting to come back.Here’s my questions is it bad if I keep calling her to ask if she’s coming not only because she’s a BM but because its very important to FI for her to be there or should I just say forget it if she comes she comes and leave it at that? My other concern is if I want to know b/c the wedding is one month away and her dress needs to be paid off soon so if I’m going to pay for it I want to know she’s gonna wear it.

danieliza1127 · September 2009

But I feel like a freaking bill collector calling and e-mailing her.Well regardless, you still have to know. You don't want to order the dress and then have her not come. If you don't want to call her, have your FI or his Dad do it. Or just don't pay for the dress until you know she has a plane ticket.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · September 2009

You kind of need to realize that she's entitled to do whatever she wants, and regardless of how crappy the reason is, she can decide not to come. Your FI and his dad have gone way out of their way to help her out with her original reason for not coming.Your FI needs to leave her a voicemail (FB message, whatever) saying here's what we're offering to do. We need to know be xx date (before the dress payment is due or whatever), or we will assume you are not interested in coming now matter how much we help. If she doesn't respond by then, then you will have your answer.

gkb0910 · September 2009

Could she be bothered that you/FI and your FFIL are willing to help her get to the wedding but she wants her husband to come to? Perhaps she's stuck deciding to come and leave her husband or stay home with him. Otherwise, I'd do as Vogt said and tell her you need to know by x date so you can pay off the dress, but don't guilt trip her.

lily5727 · September 2009

I didn't think of that. Her husband can't come because he doesn't have leave that weekend. I called the bridal shop and they said the dresses have to be paid off by 10/1. I'll just facebook her and tell her we need to know by 10/1 and either way no hard feelings.Thank you for the advice ladies.

What do you ladies think?

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