Problems with BM's?

nygirl07 · September 2009

Did anyone else have issues with their BM's? I'm myself haven't but my poor sister who is my MOH is ready to go nuts...I know my shower is coming up and my sister must be contacting them to finalized things and two of them have not go back to her after two weeks. She texted again and still nothing so she called me all upset and I decided to text them to see if they got her message and they both said yes they've just been busy.Now I get people are busy but after two weeks you can't respond....I dealt with the same problems when I was MOH in my cousins wedding. It's like nobody wants to do anything and then when you do it all they complain that they want to help, it's like you can't win as MOH. I feel bad for my sister b/c she's almost 7 months pregnant and not feeling good and has to deal with this. I'm ready to call them up and yell at them for being so inconsiderateMy sister feel horrible for even telling me but she has no other way to get a hold of them and asked if I've heard from them, yet when I text them they respond back immediately.Anyone else have these problems?

pumpkinseed12 · September 2009

OH HECK YES.My sister is also my MOH, and while she isn't 7 months pregnant, I still feel horrible for some of the crap she's had to deal with in planning my shower and bachelorette party.My BP isn't huge, just 3 girls, my sister/MOH, my FSIL is a bridesmaid, and then I asked my oldest friend to be the third BM. I have many other girlfriends that could have filled this role, but I wanted it to remain as drama free as possible and I feel like the more people the more drama most of the time.So, my FSIL has been OK. She was pretty hands off since she lives in Florida but did help make the favors since she was up in NJ a couple days before the shower. Apparently she complained about the money and then her mother (my FMIL) said something to my sister about it, which I didn't think was appropriate but whatever.Now my other BM, the friend, ugh what problems. First off she told my sister she could only afford X amount of dollars, a pre determined amount before the shower even was being planned, which in the end only covered her portion of my gift, and her meal that day, no other part of the shower. And this pre-determined amount, it took my sister 3 weeks AFTER the shower occurred to get this money. Also, she was supposed to go to my sisters to help with the favors and said she was coming and never showed up. Never gave a reason, never even mentioned the fact that she flaked to this day. She bounced the check to me for my bachelorette party (her portion for the hotel room)...and I could go on and on.I want to also say that I know the economy is bad, blah blah blah, but this BM was asked to be in the wedding 14 months ago, so 1. she had plenty of time to save and scrimp little by little if that what was necessary, and 2. she is the kind of girl that blows $200 on boots (which is fine, however, don't cry poor when you're coming decked out in brand new outfits to functions that you claim you couldn't afford to throw).And yes, sorry for being so longwinded but I think it just comes with the territory. I even told my BM when originally asked her, that if she didn't think she didn't think she was going to be able to handle the financial responsibility of being a bridesmaid, that I totally would understand her declining the offer.And it's totally rude to not respond for 2 weeks. I'm taking my mothers advice and not saying anything until after the wedding, but I most certainly will be asking why my BM flaked out on the favor making session and didn't even have the decency to text or make a phone call letting my sister know she wasn't going to be able to make it.Good luck...it's such a crappy situation... :-(

demarcosjd · September 2009

I personally am not having problems with my BM's but I am in my sorority sisters wedding in a few weeks and her BM's have not been the best. Myself and 2 of my other sorority sisters have pretty much been pulling everything together because we feel so bad and don't want her to have half a** events. Her sister who is the MOH is just clueless and instead of asking for help or opinions she just waits until the last minute. Her other 3 BM's have not shown up to any of the planning events, returned phone calls, or sent out the checks for her shower gift. They also did not come with us to pick out the BM dresses and the bride had to go to the salon and pick the dresses up for them when they came in. Granted its not right around the corner from them but it would be nice to make a little effort. I still haven't met 2 of them. Her bridal shower is this weekend and her MOH pretty much did nothing for it but picked out the invitations and just mailed them out 3 weeks ago. Her Bachelorette party is the 26th and her MOH reserved in my opinion a cheesy hotel that we were all against. There have been no plans as to where we are going or what we are doing when we get to AC. Unfortunately I am not even excited to go because I know we are all going to stand around and say what club do you want to go to? I don't care where do you want to go? Until someone finally makes an executive decision.

nygirl07 · September 2009

I'm glad it's not just me.....the best is when they complain to my sister that they want to be MORE involved but when she tells them when she'll be doing favors those same ones can't make it....and they also get cocky with her b/c she's contacting them so much, but if they responded the 1st time she texted she wouldn't have too, or when they comment to me about how they don't know anything that's going on...it's at a reasturant, they know when, where, what time, what the favors are and what the gift is according to my sister so what else do they want to know!I get $ is tight but they could atleast respond to her and not ignore her. I'm ready to text the two giving problems and tell them that if they are too busy they are welcome to back out b/c they are making it like they are too busy to be involved in anything.Sorry for the vent, I'm just suprised by some of them and that they are doing this to my sister really upsets me

pumpkinseed12 · September 2009

I wouldn't text them yet. As disappointing as they are being, you don't want to end friendships over the wedding if you don't have to. In the end, with my BM, everything worked out. Everyone has been paid what they were promised, and both events are over. If nothing else, I'm a true believer in "what goes around comes around" and if you ever get asked to be in one of their wedding, do/act how you choose. I know this is catty, but if I get asked to be in my BM wedding when that time comes, I will be matching, to the penny, her shower/gift contribution, and giving nothing more...for the principal of the matter that she has the money, but clearly didn't want to spend it on wedding related activities. Also think about how upset you would be if they were given the decision and decided to back out. If that would upset you even more, definitely wait until after the wedding to discuss their behavior with them. If you think them possibly backing out will make things better, than do what ya gotta do.

nygirl07 · September 2009

I wouldn't say anything now, as much as I want too b/c like you said it could mess up things with the wedding. I just don't understand why they are being such a pain over it. If they needed more time to give her the $ they could of said that instead of ignorning her and never replying back. I agree it might be petty to do what you said but I would probably do the same thing. I always go above and beyond for everyone and of my 6 girls I was in 3 of their weddings and helped in everway possible (dress fittings, meetings with vendors, making menus) and not one of them has even offered to help me and now they do this

Rissa933 · September 2009

I am currently in a wedding and am planning my wedding and I have had issues..I am attempting not to be a bridezilla but I can soooooo see how some women become one.. I asked in about April to start looking at dresses and for most of the girls THEY thought that is was too early and/or did not agree with how I handled the dresses so there were some that just didn't go (even the one that is in the mist of planning her own wedding so i thought that she would at least know where I was coming from) it is now almost oct and there are still a few girls that did not go and look at dresses I did not want to pick them out for them and everyone is wearing a diff one because of body shapes but they are making me regret that I put them in the drivers seat OOOO and my MOH's (I have 2 of them) wanted to wear detachable dresses so that they could detach them for the receeption and wear flowers in their hair....I had to literally stand there and say THIS IS MY DAY..so please know that it is not just you at all.

nygirl07 · September 2009

Make you wish you only had one BM doesn't it

lilylow · September 2009

I'm in a wedding in December and I'm one of four BMs. I'm a close friend of the grooms. To make a long story short the groom's mom and I are throwing the shower. The other BMs don't want anything to do with it. The Matron of honor says she has no time to help. I've never met her, but the GM (grooms mom) found out that she has a five year old in school and doesn't work. So I'm not a fan of her. The other MOH is only 20 and away at college. When I said yes to being in the wedding I anticipated helping with the shower, but not having to plan, throw it, and essentially do everything. The other BMs don't want any part in planning or paying for it. The GM is helping and offered her house and I can't tell her thank-you enough.

lilylow · September 2009

I would suggest that your sister email them with what has been planned and what still needs to be done and also ask if they can think of anything else or is they have any suggestions. Maybe they are turing into Miss Pissypants because they are being told instead of asked? Just a suggestion. With an email a lot more can be said. I'm a big offender of ignoring text messages or looking at it and saying I'll respond later.

nygirl07 · September 2009

Nat: I told my sister a few weeks back to do just that b/c I thought the same thing (about them being told and not asked) She emailed them and told them everything that needs to be told. I think she even tried calling the two I"m referring too and they just blow her off and take weeks to get back. One of them was even just a MOH in her friends wedding 2 weeks ago and complained to me about how big of a pain it was. I just feel bad for my sister b/c she's trying to make it nice and do the right thing and she's just getting ignored and then when they do get back to her they act all annoyed that she contacted them. Luckily it's almost over and she won't have to worry about it, I feel bad that she's so stressed

Kim84m · September 2009

I was the MOH for my best friend's wedding (now my MOH) two years ago. Her two sisters were bridesmaids and even though they were kinda annoyed neither of them got asked to be her moh, they were extremely helpful with everything. Her other close friend though who was a bridesmaid who vowed to help in every way possible, couldn't be bothered with anything. She was so frustrating with every single task, and only showed her face for less than 5 miuntes at the engagement party, I dont remember her even showing up for the shower, and came in for 2 minutes to the mixed bachlor/bachlorette party, bought the groom a shot, made a snotty remark to me and my friends sisters about how no one understands her, and left. and day of the wedding she left right after the toast. Some people are just difficult. I say you either have to confront them about being better to your sister, or wait it out. It depends how important they are to you. Either way try to do something nice for your sister for being such a trooper.

verasoa · September 2009

I wouldn't call them to yell..it's all part of the wedding thing!! Theres always some type of drama with bridesmaids..I wouldn't worry too much about it..listen..my MOH moved to another country 2 months before my wedding and didn't even remember to "mention" it to me so just take it easy and it will all work out in the end!!

Problems with BM's?

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