Petty friends: WWYD?

kikibaby · September 2009

So, I have a couple of girlfriend's who are let's say... less than supportive of my getting married. One is 41, twice-divorced with 2 kids; the other is 33, perpetually single and bitter. I feel like they're jealous, which I hate to say, cause it sounds so selfish. But, they barely congratulated me on my engagement and they seem irritated when I talk about anything wedding-related (I promise I don't talk about it all the time). I kind of want to just cut them out of my life because I hate the negativity they're bringing to it. Should I be more sensitive to the fact that they haven't had the best of luck with relationships? Am I a biitch for thinking they're jealous? WWYD? I'm feeling like a bad person, but at the same time, I'm tired of feeling guilty for being happy about getting married

Nebb · September 2009

If you know they dont like talking about things wedding related, dont. Ask them if anything is bothering them.

AmoroAgain · September 2009

Does it really negatively effect the time you spend around them- always? I mean, you're not always going to be engaged, and if they're having a tough time, maybe you should realize that instead of being all "Bizzatch can't be happy about my wedding!" :)Of course they're not. Would you be?

gkb0910 · September 2009

Were they negative before you got engaged? Are they only negative now when you mention the wedding? Personally, it's possible they are jealous, but I couldn't see staying friends with someone who can't be happy for my engagement/wedding. I don't know if I could go the rest of the friendship without mentioning my husband just so she doesn't get upset.

ac_in_dc · September 2009

Yeah, just try to build a relationship with them not talking about wedding stuff. It's OK if you feel like you're growing apart...that happens sometimes when single folks become coupled. Don't cut them out of your life though, just see less of them for a while and maybe you'll grow closer again in the future.

betrothed123 · September 2009

Are they like this all the time? As in do they seem completely incapable of being happy for others when good things happen in their lives? If so, I'd cut ties. Negative peopel annoy me. However, if it's just surrounding wedding talk, stay way from that type of chit chat. I wouldn't cut someone out of my life over a wedding.

cmhershey · September 2009

How were day before you got engaged? Ask them if there is something wrong/anything they would want to talk about. Don't mention wedding when you do.

kikibaby · September 2009

They've always been negative about my relationship. One is negative about everything, ALWAYS, but the other is usually really upbeat and cheery. I really like lots of things about them, but they're totally bringing me down. I honestly don't talk about wedding stuff much at all, but it's inevitable that if you're hanging out with people at happy hour or whatever that things come up.

danieliza1127 · September 2009

Have you ever asked them why they feel this way, especially the one who is normally upbeat? Do they not like your FI or something?It's okay if not everyone you talk to is excited about YOUR wedding. I can't really tell though based on what you've said whether this is just you wanting everyone to jump up and down with you, whether your friends don't agree with your marriage for some reason, or whether these are just crappy friends.

buttaflai · September 2009

I couldn't see staying friends with someone who can't be happy for my engagement/wedding.This. With this jealousy fit during the engagement, it doesn't seem like they'd be better after the wedding. This is an exciting time in your life. Your "friends" shouldn't be jealous or make you feel bad for it. I would try to have a discussion first.

cmhershey · September 2009

They've always been negative about my relationship. One is negative about everything, ALWAYS, but the other is usually really upbeat and cheery. They could be bitter, or they're not a fan of your FI and your relationship for one reason or another. Either way, I would talk to them and try to hash it out before cut them out of your life completely.

tidetravel · September 2009

You cannot, hold THEM up to different standards simply because YOU are getting married. However, toxic friends are toxic friends. I do have a friend exactly like your 2nd friend - her negativity about relationships in general is a downer, and I really can't stand to be around her when she's like that (it's worse now that I am pregnant, and one of our mutual friends just found out that she is too, so she feels left out). As a result, I have significantly reduced the amount of time I see/talk to her. But, I didn't cut ties with her simply because she wasn't happy for me.

kikibaby · September 2009

I don't think they hate FI. They actually don't know him that well, because they're basically the friends I "go out" with- when we get together it's usually to drink/dance/party, and my FI is kind of an introvert and doesn't drink. So, he doesn't usually join me for these things. Maybe it's that? I know sometimes they have sorta-kinda mentioned that they thought he wasn't the perfect match for me because of his personality, but for me he's perfect because he balances me out. Anyway, I'm definitely not looking for anyone to squeeeee with me or anything, I just would like them to at least pretend to be happy for me.

tidetravel · September 2009

I should clarify - got sidetracked: You cannot, hold THEM up to different standards simply because YOU are getting marriedIf they were always this way, then you really can't expect them to change simply because you are getting married. If their actions in the past haven't warranted them getting cut from your life, then you shouldn't cut them now simply because they aren't excited for you. However, I would definately re-evaluate your relationships with them - you may be outgrowing the friendship.

kikibaby · September 2009

I think you're right, tide (and others). I think this friendship may just be played out no matter what. I'm not going to send them a Dear Jane letter or anything, but I just don't plan on spending much time with them. They can go be miserable together; I don't need it.

wadingmoose · September 2009

They are probably less than overjoyed that your engagement means spending less time out with them - since that's what your relationship is and you've made no move to include them in the rest of your life. Specifically the life you have with your FI.Whether or not this is true, it's their perception of what either has or will happen with your wedding.Most people are less than overjoyed when that happens.And I'd be less than overjoyed if I had a friend I considered close who was getting married and didn't bother to ever introduce me to the man she's marrying. Speaks volumes about my friendship with that person and where it's going.

kikibaby · September 2009

They have met him, moose, but only a few times. He's just kind of a homebody, and when we do go out, it's with our couple friends. I've invited them, but they never want to come alone, which I understand. It's really more that they don't include him, not vice-versa. For example, one had a NYE party last year that was a total singles fest, and it was clear that I was invited, but only without FI (BF at time).

saschaduran · September 2009

I have a couple friends like that. One pretty much hung up on me when I got engaged, and didn't call for a few months. She keeps warning me that you never truly know a man and marriage is the biggest mistake one could make. The other kept calling me warning me that the first year of marriage is sooo hard and not to give up. Now her husband left her and she makes me feel uncomfortable if I say anything positive about my relationship.My first year of marriage has been so easy it is ridiculous. And I am tired of having conversations with friends where I am supposed to pretend I am unhappy or feel guilty for being happy.

wadingmoose · September 2009

Yeah, I used to hear that the first year is the hardest all the time.Trust me. It isn't.

saschaduran · September 2009

Which year do you think Moose?I know the 7 year itch theory. But then my friends and I have always had a 3 year theory. We are starting our third year of being together and it is better than ever. Our 6 month-1.5 year was the tough part. My fear of commitment made me mistrustful and mean. Or maybe it was the Ortho TriCyclen LO, haha.

Petty friends: WWYD?

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