bedtime update (long)

DG1 · November 2010

Well, I was alone with both of them again last night. DH had caved a little on his silent treatment. (he's not petulant about it. he's just still angry and doesn't want to yell, you know?)

Anyway, it went well in the beginning. I could tell Des was exhausted, so I started his routine at 7:30. He was in his crib, asleep, at 8:04.

Then I started Dex's routine at about 8:30. He went willingly, took his bath, did towel time, PJs, etc. with no issues. His light was out at 9:24. Then he was still bouncing around and generally not lying down and trying to sleep. I told him "lie down. Legs down. No kicking the wall. blah blah blah."

Dex; Mom Go Way!
Me: You want me to go away?
Dex: Mom Go Way!
Me: Are you sure? (knowing better)
Dex: GO WAY!

So I head toward the door, knowing he's going to change his mind before I get there. So I get to the door and he starts wailing. "Mom stay! Mom stay! Mom stay!" So I say "OK. Mom will stay. But we have to lie down. Time for sleep sleep."

By the time I was back to his bed, he was pissed again and didn't want me to stay. I'm not sure he realizes that "stay" and "go away" are mutually exclusive requests. So he was either pissed that I was there or that I wasn't listening to his "go way" demand or whatever.

In any case, he woke up Desmond. <sigh />

Dex: "Baby sad."
Me: No sht. Really?

So I go in to help Des go back to sleep. Dex wasn't too into that. He kept saying, "Baby go to bed. Baby sleep sleep." Um, YEAH!

Eventually I got Des back to sleep and Dex back in his room and we got all settled down again. We were probably back in Dex's room by about 9:45 or 9:50.

Dex fell asleep at 10:37.

I swear, it doesn't matter how early I start the routine, you know?

Naturally, H came home at midnight. I was asleep on Dex's floor. Got up, dealt with a few things. Ended up finally sitting down to talk to H at about 1:15. He starts groping me. Um, no. You can't be pissy all week and barely talking to me and then get one drink in you and decide you're horny and I should give it up.

It didn't matter much, because Dex woke up again at 1:25. I went in there to help, but he eventually got pretty hysterical and resisted all attempts to get him back to sleep until about 2:35, when I finally made it back into our room - when H starts again with the groping. Seriously. Fcking stop it. It's 2:37 am. We're both averaging 3 hours of sleep per night this week, and I have to say that's my priority at this point. Never mind the rest of it.

Didn't matter, because Dex wasn't really asleep and came into our bed about 5 minutes later. Yes, I let him sleep there. It's still a "sometimes" thing, and I'm not really concerned that he'll still be in our bed when he's 13.

So, progress, I guess, in that he wasn't awake until 1am. But I still think we need to do *something*, and I am buying that nighttime light timer clock thingie whether H is cool with it or not.

GBCK · November 2010

thet had those clocks on oot recemtly...I know eople who love 'em.

NOLABridesmaid · November 2010

Only one question, promise.

What was he doing for almost an hour before he feel asleep at 10:37?

It sounds like the issue might be that he loves that alone time with you or dad in bed while you are waiting for him to fall asleep.

I'm sure you do this because you want him to stay in bed, but it seems to prolong the core of the problem, sleeping. It might be better to just let him just sleep with y'all, so at least everyone gets some sleep.(I kid)

TheDuckis · November 2010

Do you get any alone time with Dex during the day? It sounds like he sees bedtime as his special time to spend with you, which case "go way"=stop trying to make me sleep I wanna hang out, and "baby go sleep sleep"=it's my turn, bitch.

Maybe if you play that up - Mom and Dex will have special time after Des goes sleep sleep, but we have to be quiet so Des doesn't wake up and spoil our fun. Then read or play quietly for a half hour or hour or whatever. He may not get to sleep any earlier, but at least you'd both be enjoying it rather than battling each other, KWIM?

DG1 · November 2010

Sorry I posted & ran. Ended up getting dragged into a meeting, then daycare, home, dinner, etc.

And really, ask all the questions you want. I'm desperate and will listen to any and all questions and advice.

So, What was he doing for almost an hour before he feel asleep at 10:37?

Mostly, flopping around in bed. Lying there and kicking his legs. Rolling onto his stomach. Then his side. Then his back. Then asking for his blanket. Then kicking the blanket off. Then asking me to readjust it again. Flipping back to his stomach. Raising his little butt like an inchworm. Dropping back down. Telling me he hears an airplane (true). Just generally not going to sleep. Nothing horrible that would be punishment-worthy, you know?

I had never really thought of it as our "alone" time. It's true that we don't get much of that with work and daycare. But he does get plenty of alone time with each of us during bathtime and storytime. About an hour, actually, that's pretty much 100% dedicated to him.

Mom and Dex will have special time after Des goes sleep sleep, but we have to be quiet so Des doesn't wake up and spoil our fun.
I will try it, but I don't think he understands. And we do get that quiet time together.

We'll see what happens tonight. They are at MIL/FIL's tomorrow night. Is it bad that I'm planning to drop them off as early as they are willing to take them?

GBCK · November 2010

I ask this as someone who has major sleep issues (that never had a start date--they always just 'were'), do you think the flopping/uncomfortable/can't sleep bit is an 'act' or that he really can't fall asleep?

Because if you don't really feel they're an act, there's nothing wrong w/ starting sleep techniques now.
By the time I was 7, I had 'taught myself' (there's a story there but we'll not go into it) to clench muscles and relax, starting at my toes in order to focus and get to sleep, to do math/repeat poetry/whatever. Some of that sort of stuff does work pretty young.

kerrib11 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bedtime-update-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:5855627a-4a85-47d1-ba7a-72761ba6e779Post:545f6289-a492-46fa-b526-66bab326c688">Re: bedtime update (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]I ask this as someone who has major sleep issues (that never had a start date--they always just 'were'), do you think the flopping/uncomfortable/can't sleep bit is an 'act' or that he really can't fall asleep? Because if you don't really feel they're an act, there's nothing wrong w/ starting sleep techniques now. By the time I was 7, I had 'taught myself' (there's a story there but we'll not go into it) to clench muscles and relax, starting at my toes in order to focus and get to sleep, to do math/repeat poetry/whatever. Some of that sort of stuff does work pretty young.
Posted by GBCK[/QUOTE]

I agree. I teach 2nd grade and have a boy who can't sleep. So, it starts at an early age. Maybe see what the doctor says. Sorry I'm not much help, but that may be something to look into. Try to get it taken care of as quickly as possible. I know I also can't sleep and it is awful

DG1 · November 2010

IDK. I think he's just busy busy busy, recounting his day, etc. Once he "decides" (for lack of a better term) to go to sleep, he falls asleep pretty quickly. If I can get him to actually lie still, he's usually asleep in 5 mins or less.

I will ask the pedi, though she doesn't usually have the greatest advice in these areas. We have DS2's well-baby in a couple of weeks. I can probably bring it up then without being too obnoxious.

bedtime update (long)

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