Groomsmen

mms84 · September 2009

My fiance has yet to finalize his choice for groomsmen. I have an idea of who he wants, but he hasn't asked them and doesn't feel like he should for quite some time as over wedding is over a year away. I disagree. I think he should go ahead and finalize his decision so that they know and are aware of the date, expenses, commitment etc. Plus I really want to know for my sake. I have my bridesmaids figured out. Am I wrong or being too bridezilla like b/c I want to have the bridal party picked and done?

ffmaid · September 2009

Actually none of your wedding party should be asked bm, or gm until at least 8-10 months pre wedding for bm and 4-10 months pre wedding for gm. there is nothing that needs to happen until about 8 months pre wedding when you get dresses with the bm. The gm need to get fitted for tux about 2 months pre wedding. Seriously wait relationships have been known to change and once you ask you can not unask

mms84 · September 2009

I understand, completely. Three out of the four of my bm's are my sisters; it was a given they'd be in it. And we have already found the perfect dress for them (very cheap, on sale, and not typical for bm's and we just randomly found it so it couldn't be passed up). So we are doing things out of order, if you can tell. I guess I am just in a hurry to find out who he is picking, although I know who three of them will be, but it must be me just wanting to KNOW. If that makes sense... Thanks for your advice and input.

ffmaid · September 2009

mm with 4 women about your age there is an almost 0% chance they will all be the same size in a year that they are now. It is too early to pick dresses. What if they lose weight, gain weight, give birth, get pregnant, ect

bablingbrooke · September 2009

My DH didn't ask his GM until about 5-6 months out. There was no reason to before then; renting a tux can be done until 2 weeks out in most places. I wouldn't ask anyone until you're at the year mark anyway. I don't buy the "they have to book travel" argument since most airlines, hotels, and other travel companies don't let you book more than 10-12 months out anyway.

bablingbrooke · September 2009

Why are you so anxious to know?

duckie1905 · September 2009

Your FI is right. Really you should wait until the 8-10 month mark to make any decisions.There is nothing for them to do this far out.

mbcdefg · September 2009

There's no need to ask them this early in the game. You guys can certainly tell them the date and location, if you have the ceremony and reception times set in stone. Because if they're going to be attending the wedding as guests anyway, then they can save the date and make travel arrangements even if they weren't groomsmen. I really doubt someone who'd need to fly in would say, "I will only fly to your wedding if I'm a groomsman, otherwise I'm not coming if I'm just a guest" ... because if that's the case, then he's clearly not a very good friend and your FI shouldn't be asking him in the first place. Their expenses and level of commitment would be paying for the tux rental/suit purchase about a month or two out, and possibly taking the previous day off work to attend a rehearsal & dinner. If they choose to throw your FI a bachelor party, then that's on them to organize. There shouldn't be anything else that they need to arrange or save up for. It's fine to feel a little antsy about it, but if your FI doesn't want to ask them now then you need to respect that. There's no reason that they need to know that he'd like them to be groomsmen more than a year in advance ... unless they live out of the country, or are in the military and need to arrange for leave time. He will ask them when he's ready, so try to chill out in the meantime.

megk8oz · September 2009

Totally understand your excitement, and its great that you're wanting to get a jump on things, but really, he can take his time on this. The thing to remember, is men have it WAY easier when it comes to this wedding stuff: You give them a date, they show up wearing pants that day, and that's pretty much it for them. With girls it gets a bit harder just because we like to look pretty, and do things like get our hair and nails done, plus BM dresses usually need to be altered, which takes way more time then swapping for the next size up pants at the tux place if a GM gains weight. And really, there's nothing wrong with waiting until 8 months before the wedding to ask people. I grew up w/ 2 sisters, so I pretty much have had a "built in bridal party" since birth, so I get that your sisters were a given on BM choices. But like I said earlier, guys also have it WAY easier. P.S. Tide, before you shoot me, I'd like to add "or kilt" to my above statement about showing up in pants, lol.

mms84 · September 2009

Thanks for the advice. I will see if I can follow through with it. I totally understand that groomsmen are totally different then bridesmaids, from tux rental to everything else in between. I think I may be caught up in the excitement.

mbcdefg · September 2009

If it makes you feel better, my FI hemmed and hawed on his choices even after I'd already asked my BMs. And I admit to saying, "Come on, guy, I need to know who they're going to be so that I know what size limo and how many boutonnieres to get!"Meanwhile, it's nearly 5 months later and I have booked neither the limo nor the florist :P

mms84 · September 2009

That sounds like how we are going to end up being! I have my bm's picked and asked and he has his possibilities. My fiance is a prograstinator. He didn't think I needed to put the deposit down on the reception venue when I did last week. I was like "yes, honey, I need to or it will be booked." Venues around here, for October weddings, book fast and its not unusual for people to book venues a year out. Obviously, he isn't very in tune with wedding stuff. :-)

mbcdefg · September 2009

Sorry, to clarify ... he asked his GMs five months ago but I'm only looking into limos now and didn't even start with florist appointments :P

tidetravel · September 2009

I'll let you go this time Meg

Kilts are easier to size than pants. In addition to what else has been mentioned, your FI's choice of GM has no bearing on your choice of BMs. Your wedding party does not need to be even, so its not like you need to know how many guys he will have, so that you can ask your girls.

Lovie 129 · September 2009

You have time, unless you all are only asking relatives or you know money is tight for some people, nothing can really be done this early.

Lovie 129 · September 2009

MegK,Where did you get those bride icons??? I love them but don't know how to get one.TIA

mms84 · September 2009

My fiance and I have already talked about who he is having. I have an idea of who he would like to have. I just wanted to know a for sure thing, because he keeps going back to "well maybe him and then he could be a usher" and back again. I hate being indecisive but it's his decision, and I should let him make it without pressure to do so.My bm's were destined to be them as most of them are my sisters. It was a given. I know all of them don't have a lot of money so I wanted to get that settled way in advance so they could save money etc; turns out, I found the PERFECT dress for under $100 which we went ahead and got because of the deal and just ordered them larger than what they wear now and if nessary they can be taken in later.

megk8oz · September 2009

Lovie-I forget how to get to them now, but basically if you can find the "normal" badges that Knot Annie made for us (They really are somewhere on the site, I swear, hahaha), you can pretty much photoshop/bucket any of them to be what you want (Which is what a bunch of the girls on the P&E board did the one night, because we were drinking and bored ... and we do weird things when we're drinking and board, lol).

Lovie 129 · September 2009

Thanks Meg and Peach!

jeannigirl · September 2009

You both have a while before he will need to make his selection. Just give that a rest, and I say that because I have also selected my BP and my FI hasn't. I hadn't said anything to him until about a week ago and asked him if he had any one in mind for his WP. He said he hadn't. So he still has plenty of time. So I won't push that until about Feb or March.

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