No wedding gene!

Re: No wedding gene!

• CrissyH

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  sorry,  i can't sympathize with you-  I have the wedding gene x10.   (and I'm sure my FI wishes that I had less of the gene) But I don't think you are alone.  That is why there are wedding planners.  Just hire one.  She/He can get all your options lined up, all you have to do is say 'yay or nay' and your part is done. 

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• Costenbader member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I hear you, sister!  I had no idea what I wanted for my wedding and didn't know where to start.  I didn't have a dream wedding in mind.  Now, my wedding is this Saturday and I'm so super excited about it.  Basically, we decided to celebrate our marriage in a way that my FI and I believe is fun. We like hanging out in pubs, so that's where our reception is.  Once that decision was made, everything else kind of fell into place in terms of the formality and style of the whole thing.  And each time I met with the guys at the Pub (who are totally laid back and so not "wedding" people), it made me even more excited for the party.I hated most everything that was "bridal" about the wedding planning.   I wanted to throw up walking into bridal boutiques.  You're so right - they make you feel like you a wrong, not the dress or the veil or whatever it is they are trying to sell you.  So I stopped going to those places.  I bought my gown on Ebay.  I bought my veil on Ebay.  I used a local seamstress to alter the gown for me.  I'm having a friend of mine do my hair and my make up.  I reluntanctly picked a color scheme because so many people said it would make other decisions easier.  So one day while looking at my dog's color, I decided I really like those colors and went with that.  And I'm glad I did - it did help with deciding on flowers for the bouquet (but I'm not doing centerpieces or any other wedding decorations at the pub).  I found my photographer and videographer on Craig's List.  The key is to find people to work with who you who you like and who understand your style.  Don't get bullied into doing bridal things because they are tradition, if it's not you.  Good luck and let me know if you need any references!

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• tracy_k member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  If you're so turned off by it, why not just have the wedding you and your fiance want to have and not buy in to the Wedding Industrial Complex? For that matter, why have a wedding at all? Just go to the JOP and meet some friends/family for dinner. If your family sqwawks about it, let them plan a reception for a month or two afterward. These days you (well, all of us really) have the flexibility and the freedom of having whatever kind of wedding you want. Check out "alternative" wedding sites like offbeatbride.com or indiebride.com. Get some ideas. And actually, you can hire a wedding planner (if you can afford to pay for one) who will plan everything for you (you'll need to give them an idea of what you want, of course) and all you need to do is show up.

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• tracy_k member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I should say -- I think I used to have the wedding gene and I've lost it with age. LOL. But man, I love a good party. And that's what my wedding is going to be -- a beautiful, memorable ceremony followed by the best party any of my friends have been to since I stopped having parties and everyone started having kids. Heh.

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• guacamolly member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I'm with Tracy. We aren't planning a wedding, we're planning the greatest party anyone's been to! :-)

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  Exactly (all of you!).  I wish I could hire a wedding planner to do it all but my sister is an event planner and (believe it or not) I used to plan events too so I really can't go out of the family (plus it's not in my budget).  I think that's what I'm going to start doing.....calling it a party.  Maybe then I won't feel the pressure to create this grand thing....that's not really me......but that I don't think I'll be able to avoid due to pressures on both sides of the family. That's it, I'm have a kick a$$ party!!!  Maybe if I say it often enough I'll start to believe it.

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• 2dBride member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  Why plan the wedding of someone else's dreams?  Why not just plan an elopement at your honeymoon location?  Or a big party of a type you'd enjoy with your friends?  If wedding dresses don't excite you, then wear a regular dress, or jeans, or whatever you like.  If you don't like color schemes or "themes," then don't have them.  And if you are doing all this because of pressure from your family, or your groom, or whatever, then tell them that if they want the wedding of their dreams, they can organize it for you.People get way too tied up in "rules" for weddings.  There are no unbreakable rules, other than needing a partner, an officiant, and a marriage license--and even the officiant is not necessary in some states.

  
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• m_masino

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  Thank you for posting this. I've started making the phone calls to my friends going---is this worth it?  It's not what I want--it's what everyone else wants and what everyone else envisions.  And I'm older now so I say F that.  Especially if I'm paying for most of this...it's going to be what I want...and to be honest...I just want to get married and go on a kick a** honeymoon!  But I still get the whole--my parents have this dream of me in a white dress walking down the aisle.  When I was 25-28, maybe.  Now that I'm 32, I say...yeah I don't need that day of look at me I'm a princess. whoever posted about the pub...which pub are you having it at?  That sounds like something I'd love to do! 

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• HelenaHandbasket member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  Have you checked out apracticalwedding.com? It's one of my favorite wedding blogs, and I think it will really speak to you.

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• vitamint

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I love weddings, but I agree with everythingyou said! Especially the part about the bridal stores...ugghh I am putting off dress shopping because I just don't want to deal with the negativity and I am not fat (5'4", size 8)- just curvy and muscular with big boobs! Yet I fear the tramau of dress shopping....good luck, try to have the wedding you want- it doesn't have to be that hard.... figure out your tyle, trust your decisions and don'tget caught up in the volume of choices.... mostly cake is cake, invitations are invitations..... its like car shopping- too many choices actually stresses us out there was an article about that a few years ago- choice doesn't make life easier, more choices make us question ourselves and can be more overwhelming.... just breathe and try to enjoy, and hire a planner or delegate!

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• Costenbader member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  My party (hate the word "reception") is at Ireland's Four Courts near Courthouse in Arlington. We love Irish pubs, particularly this one.  And it's really convenient to so many things, like Metro, hotels, and even the church where we're having the ceremony.

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• hg2678

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I've never had any ideas about a "dream wedding" either, and since we started the planning process, it's been about 20% fun while the other 80% has felt like an enormous chore. I just don't care enough about the myriad little details, some of the traditional rules and etiquette make no sense to me, and it's impossible to please everyone (fiance, parents, bridesmaids, etc.).  On top of it all, my fiance's mother has turned out to be a meddling, passive aggressive, judgmental pain in the butt. I have found myself saying over and over again, "I wish we had just eloped!" But then I remind myself of how wonderful and fitting it will be to start our lives together surrounded by the people we care about most in the world, and I do want to show them all a good time, so I'm sure in the end I'll be glad that we went through this process. At least, I hope so.

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• Kitcat106 member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I'm glad you posted this, too, practical76! I was so excited to get engaged--couldn't wait for the day I could start planning my big day. Now that I'm planning, I have lost some of the excitement. I was really looking forward to gown shopping. It was fun, but hard to find the dress of my dreams in my budget. I got tired of dealing with snooty boutique employees. The last straw was when I went to this 1 place and the lady working there was so rude to me that when I left I was almost in tears! I went home and whined to my fiance, "This isn't how it's supposed to be!" I do some event planning at work and so I get my fill of planning big, expensive parties. I knew how much a big wedding would cost going into this, which made both my fiance and I reluctant to do a wedding here. We are getting married an hour and a half from DC at a slightly less expensive place, and in the off-season, btw. I'm also 35. I am a first-time bride and am very much looking forward to my wedding, but my idea of my big day has changed so much in the last 10 years. Some days I want someone else to plan it for me, but other days I am excited. I have hobbies and other life activities to keep me busy. Planning a wedding isn't the end all-be all of my life!

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• m_masino

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  costenbader----your party at the Ireland Four Courts---which by the way I love that place too---- they're shutting it down for you?  What day are you having your party?  How does that work exactly at a pub? 

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• KatieintheCity

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  I definitely do not have the wedding gene. Or the planning gene. Or the organization gene. :-) Thankfully, my mother has enough of all of them for the whole family, so anything I don't want to deal with I pass off to her! Either find a friend/family member who loves this stuff to help you out, or hire a wedding planner. Totally worth the sanity you'll save.

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• Costenbader member

  

  September 2009 edited December 2011

  My party at Ireland's Four Courts was yesterday and we had a blast!  Yes, we ask them to shut down for the day until about 8 or 8:30pm on a Saturday.  We had to pay a $5,000 "room rental fee", which they ordinarily don't charge, if you are okay with having the party in their "party space" (but we really wanted the whole place, so we paid).  We also had to guarantee to a $10,000 min tab for food and drink, which we hit with no problem (again this min only applied because we were shutting down the place for the afternoon); but it really didn't cost much more than that (other than the tax and tip).What was it like?  Imagine a 5-hour happy hour at your favorite bar with all of your friends!  It was fabulous!  We started the party at about 2pm, immediately after a 1pm ceremony, with some appetizers; then at about 4pm, there was a dinner service with stations of chicken, prime rib and pasta.  The food exceeded my expectations.  We didn't do any reception decorations, because we wanted it to look like an Irish Pub.  We hired one of the musicians they use on St. Pat's day to provide some live entertainment.  He was a huge hit!  We didn't do a "first dance" because we're not dancers.  Instead we did a "first pint" as Husband and Wife - one of the best pints of Guinness I've ever enjoyed!  If I knew how to post photos, I would share them.  Can anyone tell me how you do that?

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• cms4mf

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  If you want to have a fancy wedding but are annoyed with the planning I'd recommend somewhere that they include practically everything- that way you just have to go meet with the location's planner a few times and you're done. 

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