Charity donation as favor

Shanee18 · January 2012

Originally, we were thinking of doing the plantable seed cards as favors. However, my mom mentioned that it would be nice to donate to charity as a favor. I know that according to etiquette, it's a no-no. I want to know the opinions of the June brides.

Here is the thing, my mom has had cancer three times and survived. If we were to donate to charity, it would be to a reputable hospital in Boston that I believe is part of the reason my mom is still with us today. I would say about 90% of the guests at our wedding would understand the connection with this donation.

Is it really that wrong to do this as a favor? I would rather the guests know why they don't get a cheapo shot glass to take home. Maybe some think it's an AW thing, but to me this is a favor that actually has meaning in our lives. My mom crochets hundreds of "chemo caps" and donates them every year to the hospital, and I think this would be a nice gesture for our wedding "favors".

Thoughts?

Megbo2012 · January 2012

Why is a donation an etiquette no-no? Favors aren't mandatory.

diamondx423 · January 2012

I don't think its a bad thing, but Meg there is apparently a whole sticky on the favors board explaining why its not OK to give.

Maybe give some Hershey kisses or something for guests to take something home as well, just in case some people think that the donation isn't ok.

Shanee18 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_charity-donation-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:42fa8247-c71f-4417-b11e-aafc249ae42bPost:50994c7a-65df-415d-b2bb-48ae1edefb0d">Re: Charity donation as favor</a>:
[QUOTE]Why is a donation an etiquette no-no? Favors aren't mandatory.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't 100% understand the etiquette POV. I think it is because instead of giving guests a token of your appreciation for coming, you are doing something charitable, which can be perceived as "Look at me, aren't I so nice and thoughtful?"</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe??? I just remember seeing it get torn apart on the E board when I first joined TK, which has made me leery of talking about it ever since.</div>

G2SoccerTaz · January 2012

In my opinion, it would not bother me if you donated toward the hospital. However, I would not say in honor of the guest or instead of favors we donated money to the hospital. I would have a little note somewhere saying that you as a couple donated to the hospital but not make a huge deal out of it.

Shanee18 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_charity-donation-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:42fa8247-c71f-4417-b11e-aafc249ae42bPost:8800f1d0-bed3-458a-9595-4d7e93730e26">Re: Charity donation as favor</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think its a bad thing, but Meg there is apparently a<strong> whole sticky on the favors board explaining why its not OK to give</strong>. Maybe give some Hershey kisses or something for guests to take something home as well, just in case some people think that the donation isn't ok.
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]

<div>Didn't know this, but thanks for sharing! I checked it out and they made a lot of good points. Doesn't mean I won't still do it, but it's good to at least understand the different ways it could be construed.</div>

Turtle&Star · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_charity-donation-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:42fa8247-c71f-4417-b11e-aafc249ae42bPost:d2fbf1f7-83ee-486e-a9cf-a3b0855f9734">Re: Charity donation as favor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Charity donation as favor : I don't 100% understand the etiquette POV. I think it is because instead of giving guests a token of your appreciation for coming, you are doing something charitable, which can be perceived as "Look at me, aren't I so nice and thoughtful?" Maybe??? I just remember seeing it get torn apart on the E board when I first joined TK, which has made me leery of talking about it ever since.
Posted by Shanee18[/QUOTE]

I think it's partly this, and also partly the concern that depending on the charity you pick, it might be divisive or offensive to some of your guests - which I don't think would be the case with a cancer hospital and especially with the personal connection with your mom.

As I recall, one suggestion that's been made on other boards here is that if you DO want to make a donation, do it, but don't say it's a favor - it's a whole separate kind of thing. Which doesn't mean you have to then also do favors - just that they're in different categories.

Megbo2012 · January 2012

Honestly, I would just do the donation and not do any favors, and not mention the donation. Because yeah, the donation isn't really a gift to them. It's like getting a third of a pig from the Heifer project lol

Definitely do what you want. Make the donation. I just wouldn't bother printing out cards about it. (Use that money to go with the donation). No one really cares about favors anyways. Unless they are like 20$ or more no one really wants to take a keychain of your face home with them. Anything edible will be eaten, but forgotten within minutes, or left on the table.

daria24 · January 2012

I have been to weddings with charity favors and while I did raise an eyebrow it was only a small eyebrow raise. I think it does come off as a little AW "we didn't get you a favor instead we gave to charity because WE are awesome people.". I think it's the whole Christian belief that you give out of the goodness of your heart not to show off-I can't quote the exact Bible verse sorry! Also I think the E belief is that no matter what the charity is, some guests might not approve/support said charity. But as I said, while I think it is an etiquette violation it's a teeny one.

Ash61612 · January 2012

We are doing donations to charities in place of favors. It's one of the things FI has wanted from the get go and I agree with him. We are doing Wounded Warriors and SPCA Baghdad Pups.

acaponi87 · January 2012

If you want to do it, do it.

I don't think anyone would be offended by your choice of charity. I think it's a lovely gesture. I also don't think it's horrible to mention it at the wedding. It'd be drawing other people's attention to the charity. It will possibly make them consider donating.

DrPB2b13 · January 2012

The whole big to-do over charitable donations as favors is for several reasons:

1) If you're claiming to make the donation in someone's name, they may object to the particular charity that "they" have donated to.

2) Even if they don't object to the charity itself, claiming it's made in "their" name puts their name out there when they may not have wanted to (e.g. some people really do prefer to give anonymous donations).

3) It's considered poor form to make a donation and then tell people about it, which I think is the biggest reason people on the forums object to it. The argument is that if you're going to make a donation in lieu of favors, go ahead and do so, but don't brag about it to your guests.

Honestly, I really feel this is a case of knowing your guests. If they are familiar with your mother's experience, I think they will be understanding. If they're really snooty and uptight about these things, it may not be the best idea. Ultimately, it's your choice.

Megbo2012 · January 2012

FWIW I wouldn't care. My friend's mother tragically died from a rare cancer, she was my mom's best friend. Her sister got married and they did a donation in honor of their mother and gave out cards with a picture of the bride and her mother. It was beautiful.

Zimsgirl26 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_charity-donation-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:42fa8247-c71f-4417-b11e-aafc249ae42bPost:9b13445f-22d6-451c-8e24-ce72a5d214d1">Re: Charity donation as favor</a>:
[QUOTE]We are doing donations to charities in place of favors. It's one of the things FI has wanted from the get go and I agree with him. We are doing Wounded Warriors and SPCA Baghdad Pups.
Posted by Ash61612[/QUOTE]
That's awesome. We donate to Wounded Warriors

MMRoberts11 · January 2012

I can understand why it's not proper and some people can not like the idea so much but as long as you do it in a way where it's not like "look what we did" you're fine.

I went to a wedding this past year where they donated to Make a Wish Foundation. All they did was have a sign on the "favor" table saying they donated to the foundation and why it was important to the couple in a few sentences. You literally had to walk up to the table to read it.

BrooklynNovia · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_charity-donation-favor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:42fa8247-c71f-4417-b11e-aafc249ae42bPost:8800f1d0-bed3-458a-9595-4d7e93730e26">Re: Charity donation as favor</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think its a bad thing, but Meg there is apparently a whole sticky on the favors board explaining why its not OK to give. Maybe give some Hershey kisses or something for guests to take something home as well, just in case some people think that the donation isn't ok.
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]
That was an interesting read because I didn't know people thought that is was poor form. We are doing a donation and I can see how omitting 'in lieu of favors' might be a good way to go. I also like the idea of a small sign explaining the charity.

tania0930 · January 2012

I don't think it's an issue at all. I understand the etiquette argument but it's not solid enough for me to discount the gesture. We have never even given this a second thought. We are making a donation to Comfort Zone Camp in lieu of favors. We definitely aren't showing it off or bragging about it by any means, we just made a thank you sign (wording from a pinterest post) and at the bottom it says we are making a donation to Comfort Zone Camp in your honor (not in your name). Everyone on our guest list knows the meaning of CZC in our lives and how big a part of our lives the organization is. Here's a photo of the sign we made.

whifflegirl · January 2012

My issue with it is that favors are supposed to be a token of appreciation for your guests. Until I see a couple have a sign that says, "In lieu of flowers, we have decided to donate to so and so charity," I'm not going to be a fan of charity giving for a wedding. The bride and groom really aren't giving up anything for their wedding for this donation, yet they're calling it a "gift." And to top it off, the bride and groom would be the ones to get the tax write-off.

SoSaysTara · January 2012

I feel like if you want to make a donation to charity, just do it. You don't need to advertise it as your favor.

Make the donation, skip the favors, it's fine. People won't be like OMG why didn't I get a favor?

If you REALLY want it to be your favor.. do like MMRoberts suggested and make it a small display somewhere that people could go up and read about, not something you put at each guest's seat.

SB1512 · February 2012

Here's a question. Are those that are against donations as favor also against the couple requesting a donation to X charity instead of a gift? I only ask b/c fairly recenty there was an article in the smart money section of the wall street time called Out: Toasters. In: Giving to charity (http://www.smartmoney.com/spend/deal-of-the-day/out-toasters-in-giving-to-charity-1309408371679/) It talks about how Prince William and Kate asked guests to make a donation to charity instead of giving them gifts, and how this concept, as well as the idea of doing charitable donations as an alternative to wedding favors is growing. Now, if this was any other couple (ie. the kardashians maybe lol) I would look at it as a publicity stunt or image booster. But, this is a royal couple and I would think that any element of their wedding that was in poor taste or not proper etiquitte would not be done. Just some food for thought on that issue. for those that bring up the tax benefit, I personally have never claimed a benefit for any donation I have ever made to charity, and over the course of a year I give a significant amount away so if I were to do a donation for a wedding favor I would not claim the benefit, it almost defeats the purpose of making the donation.

Sapphired82 · March 2012

I think donations are perfectly acceptable, if done right. There isn't a need to print a card and place it at everyones seat for them to react to. We're simply putting a framed 4x6 card that reads "Thank you for being a part of our lives and our wedding day. In recognition of your love and support, we have made a donation in your honor to (local dachshund rescue group)." The frame will be placed near a bowl of buttermints wrapped in our wedding colors. Our guests should understand our love for the rescue group, as yours should for your local hospital. If they're unhappy with the donation, they can eat the mints!

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