Is this happening to anyone else??

jenya724 · September 2009

Hi Ladies! So, yesterday my Mom asks me about going on my phone plan since we both have the same carrier now. The way she worded it just seemed like she was going to pay the $20 to switch the number over to my name and I should pay for her phone and the extra minutes we will need. I misunderstood her and I said no, because why should I? Apparently, that pissed her off and she got this attitude problem with me. She then comes out of nowhere and says why don't you call your dad and see how much money he is giving you for the wedding and I'll give the same. I am sure my dad will be giving little or no money. She changes her mind every day whether or not she is going to help us. So, I told her to make a decision so I can know if we need to fork over more money and all she said to me was "save your money". It is really hurtful to me and I don't even do anything wrong. She never treats me like the adult I am and I don't know why. She says I don't appreciate anything she does for me and always throws it in my face, and she also throws in my face that I said a long time ago that I would like my dad to walk me down the aisle, because that is tradition. I told her I haven't made a decision about that yet, but she didn't want to hear it. I just am so annoyed with her and she is being rude for no reason. Is this happening to anyone else???????

JMH77 · September 2009

First of all, you shouldn't count on anyone's money for the wedding. Plan what you and FI can afford! The more you rely on your mom for financial help with the wedding, the more she will do this to you. And it really seems like you and your mom both need to chill out- this isn't the first issue you have posted about your relationship with her. Maybe it's time to sit down with her and have an adult conversation about what is bothering her. GL

KKleese · September 2009

My mom did this to me while planning our wedding. Well it was a little more of like she wanted to do so much but I knew she didn't have the money and it was causing her stress and therefore causing me stress. It came to the point where I had to tell her I am more then happy to pay for everything myself but in preparing my budget I need to know how much you are going to be able to give me. When you get all of the big things planned and start adding up all of the gifts you'll be giving and that you need to know how much everyone is contributing exactally if anything. This is why I loved DHs parents just gave us a set amount and said spend it on whatever. It should be about what she wants to do and can afford not how much someone else is giving.

JKohio · September 2009

Wait a second here. Just because there's some old 'tradition' about parents helping pay for the wedding does NOT mean that it's a rule or requirement of any kind. Plan a wedding that you and FI can afford on your own, even if it means scaling down the guest list a bit or revisiting your priorities re: the wedding. If you cannot afford the wedding you both want right now, postpone it until you both have the money saved up. I wouldn't rely on your mom (or your dad, for that matter) for wedding cash. Any of that money is bound to have strings attached. You don't need the extra stress involved there.If, in the end, she does decide to give a GIFT of cash to you and FI, you can always set that aside as savings toward a house downpayment or whatnot in the future.Good luck!

flirtatiousgrk · September 2009

the only prob weve run into at the moment is that whenver my mother and his mother dicuss any wedding things... his mom says "well let me know what he has to pay for and hell pay for it"? traditionally: my parents are going to pay for the majority of the wedding... but his mom hasnt said anything about what SHE is going to pay for yet... she just keeps saying my fiance will pay for it even though hes list of guests is insane and had to get cut down. so now my Fi (and possibly I) have to get together with his mother and discuss what SHE is actually paying for cause he just purchased a business so he has a loan out for that--- we just found a house we are possible going to get if we can even get the loan (i just started a job on Monday !) so its not like we have any room to be saving a lot of money at the moment.....all my income is going to go straight to the house (if cross our fingers we get the loan)

PyroWolfe · September 2009

We're paying for everything ourselves (to my current knowledge anyway... if someone would want to help out a bit it would certainly be appreciated), so I don't have a problem with a parent dangling money in front of me like that. But I do have a very tempermental mother. If I do bend to her every wish she gets very bitchy. But my baby sister is the REALY culprit with that. My mom has- to her credit- gotten better. But it seems my sister has gotten worse. It absolutly drives me up the wall! She actually had the nerve to tell me I shouldn't marry my fiance because he doesn't have a lot of money and supposedly hasn't "made anything of himself." As well as the fact he's "too old for me." Psh... of course it's no actual REAL reasons- it's that he's "too old" and not rich. I swear, I lost it. We didn't speak for quite awhile after that one. So no, you aren't the only one with frustrating family issues. But, that's family for you. Hang in there and don't let her crap bother you.

Is this happening to anyone else??

Re: Is this happening to anyone else??

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