Annulment and other questions

Sanine · May 2011

Currently my FI and I are in a long distance relationship. We are 1600 Miles away from each other. He has been married in the past in the Catholic church and did have a child from that marriage. He is working on finding witnesses for the annulment process currently and was told that the annulment can take up to 18 months. I've heard that most of the process is waiting to hear back from the witnesses. I guess my question here is what are your experiences with annulments and how long have they taken?

I know I need to talk to a priest about some of these questions, but I am also wondering since we do live in different states, can the classes be done at our own parishes or do we need to be attending them at the same church?

For those of you who have had annulments were you able to start taking classes while waiting for the annulment or did you have to wait for everything to be done before you were able to start the wedding preparation in the Church?

I appreciate any responses to my questions. I know I need to talk to a priest about them but I haven't had the opportunity to do so yet.

Thanks

agapecarrie · May 2011

Rememer that an annulment is not a catholic divorce. It looks at the time of your marriage to see if there was something lacking that made it valid, because no one can undo a valid marriage. The church presumes that first marraiges are valid, so she presumes that he is still married to someone else. You won't be able to set a date or take pre-marital classes as he is married already.

Annulments take different amounts of time. but some of that time is waiting on the paperwork as the marriage can't be investigated until everything is in.

SoHappyToBeMrsC · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_annulment-other-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:ccf608f6-2dce-4442-a1a7-cc2c04729374Post:0cc0f208-8444-4957-9edc-5cf6e29c8a5b">Re: Annulment and other questions</a>:
[QUOTE]Rememer that an annulment is not a catholic divorce. It looks at the time of your marriage to see if there was something lacking that made it valid, because no one can undo a valid marriage. The church presumes that first marraiges are valid, so she presumes that he is still married to someone else. <strong>You won't be able to set a date or take pre-marital classes as he is married already</strong>. Annulments take different amounts of time. but some of that time is waiting on the paperwork as the marriage can't be investigated until everything is in.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]

That is something that could vary by parish. My FI's annulment is not yet complete, but we are being allowed to do precana, but of course cannot set a wedding date.

doctabroccoli · May 2011

Also, Sanine, there are at least a couple users on here who did some type of online Pre-Cana. It's not ideal, but it's an option. I don't remember the specifics, but maybe someone will drop by this thread!

professorscience · May 2011

At my Engaged Encounter, there was a guy whose fiance was taking classes over the same weekend in (I think, but I'm not sure) Brazil. So when we would take our breaks to discuss the topics in private, he would go call her (or maybe call someone else? the time difference between Texas and Brazil can't be ideal...). So I think if you are under circumstances like that, you can take your classes separately. I would hope you could find a way to take them together, though.

And, as PP said, it all hinges on the annulment. FSIL's annulment took a couple years, at least.

lmeade62 · May 2011

My annulment took about 18 months altogether, to go through both courts. However, I had some delays. First, I started out in one diocese. We tried to find my ex-husband for six months, and when we couldn't, that diocese (the one where I lived at the time of the annulment) threw up its hands and said there was nothing they could do. Since they couldn't find him, they couldn't establish jurisdiction. Not their fault, those are just the facts.

So I had to start over at the diocese where the marriage took place. I started there in November of 2010. My witnesses struggled - my father found the questions upsetting and intrusive and it took him a while to complete the questionnaire. My sister-in-law said it was too hard for her to answer it in writing and finally had to schedule an interview. Once all my witnesses had their materials in, they appointed a psychological expert. When I called three months later, that expert STILL hadn't finished his portion of the process.

I really despaired at that point. My fiance's annulment had already gone through both instances and was completely done, and he had begun his after mine! I had been married for 1 1/2 years, over 20 years ago, and my husband had been an alcoholic and physically abusive. I called the tribunal in tears. The case was transferred to another psychological expert, they expedited it through the rest of the process, and everything was done in the first instance in January 2011. After that, it took about 2 1/2 months for the second court to affirm the decision.

But I have to tell you, the feeiing I got when I got my letter, the feeling my fiance got when he got his letter - it was, ultimately, a very healing and affirming experiene. To have them affirm what we both believed all along - that our respective marriages were just, from the start, somehow *wrong*, and to know that now, we are able to get married in the Church, with this marriage that feels so very right - oh my. There truly are no words to describe it.

I also have to tell you that your tribunal can make all the difference. The tribunal where my annullment was ultimately affirmed could not have been kinder, nicer, more sympathetic, more gracious. They were truly a gift from God, and made a very difficult process bearable. I am eternally grateful to them. And to my fiance. And to God!

Linda

lmeade62 · May 2011

Oh, I forgot a couple of things...we were not allowed to start our marriage preparation until my fiance's annulment was complete and mine was done in the first instance. And we could not take our re-marriage seminar until both were completely done. (We're going on June 4th - can't wait!)

And...for questions about the annulment, I would ask your tribunal.

Okay, done now!

Linda

ootmother2 · May 2011

Mine took about 6 months but I was not planning to remarry at that time.

I think NYC might be faster because of the population here or it's being the center of the diocese, not at all sure on that.

I just wanted to have a totally clean slate, if that makes any sense to you at all.

bibliophile2010 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_annulment-other-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:ccf608f6-2dce-4442-a1a7-cc2c04729374Post:bd6264ea-9edd-4d6d-b9bf-1292c66f843f">Re: Annulment and other questions</a>:
[QUOTE]I just wanted to have a totally clean slate, if that makes any sense to you at all.
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

My FBIL did the exact same thing and said it was amazingly healing.

mica178 · May 2011

I had a lack of form done for the same reason, oot.

The added benefit was that everything was done and I was in the clear way before H and I got serious and engaged.

Sanine · May 2011

Thanks everyone

This definately has helped ease my mind (I tend to get easily stressed when I don't know what to expect). Once my priest comes back from vacation I will make an appointment to talk to him.

Thanks again

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