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Off topic vent...

jemmini6jemmini6 member
5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Not Engaged Yet
Maybe you guys can help give me advise on if I should throw in my 2 cents on this or butt out...

My sister and her husband are actively trying to conceive a baby.  They have only been married since April (not the issue) and have since moved out of state for her husband's new job.  He had gotten laid off and this was the only opportunity he had in several months, even though the pay isn't that great.

The problem you ask?  They are BROKE!!!  Neither one of them has any common sense or way to prioritize when it comes to finances.  They both have ridiculously bad credit because they bought a brand new car in which the car payment was more than their rent (needless to say, it got reposessed).  My sister just stopped paying her credit card a few years ago and even changed her phone number to get the creditors to stop calling, yet she will still go and pay $100 every few months to get her hair and nails done.  She is not working.  He is paying child support for his 2 kids from a previous marriage.  They recently had their water shut off for not paying the bills, yet just bought a brand new tv.  And to top it all off, they don't have maternity coverage.

Ugh...it's just so frustrating because they've always been clueless when it comes to money, but it's only affected them.  But now they are trying to bring a child into this situation and it just seems stupid.  Anyways...that's my vent...thanks for listening :)
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Re: Off topic vent...

  • catemegcatemeg
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sadly, you don't need a license to be a parent or to pass some sort of test which ensures minimum qualifications for caring for another human being (like financial stability, health insurance, etc).

    Though I think they're probably not doing the best thing right now, for them or their hypothetical offspring, I definitely think you should stay out of it.  You can't make them financially responsible, and you will likely get backlash for butting in.  They're going to do what they want to do, which seems to be what they've been doing all along anyway.  No need to stick your neck out when it's not likely to change anything.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Do they not have health insurance at all? In Idaho if you are female and have health insurance you MUST have maternity coverage even if you don't want or are unable to have children...but thats not really the point.

    Unfortunately you can't control their decision to have a child. If you talk to her about it she probably won't listen and will be angry at you. There is really nothing you can do.


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  • Goldlie11Goldlie11
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm not sure why people do this.  I had a family member in the same situation.  They married very young and could barely afford to feed themselves.  They lived in a tiny 2 room apartment (living/kitchen & bathroom) that could barely fit them.  They decided to have a child anyway.  Neither of them had health insurance.  I didn't get it.  Still, I kept my mouth shut because it was not my business.  
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  • loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Agree with PPs.  It's obvious to anyone with common sense that your sister and her husband are not in the financial position to have a child.  Their spending is completely irresponsible.  However, saying something will only give you a headache in the end because it will probably cause a huge fight and your sister will probably only do what she wants anyway.



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  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh God. BF's sister is in this situation except she already has a kid, who was born shortly before their first wedding anniversary. I have no idea why people who are in financial straits think it's OK to bring an innocent child into that mess. It infuriates me.
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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    they have a private health insurance plan (they could have added maternity coverage to it), but chose not to because they couldn't afford the premium.

    You are correct though,  I know that no matter what I say, she won't be reasoned with (she's had other "stupid" decisions too, go figure) but that's what makes it so frustrating.  I'm not really planning to get involved, because at the end of the day, her financial issues are not my problem.  but it's just hard not to be concerned because she is still my sister.

    i'm keeping my fingers crossed that their situation improves and everythng will work out fine.  we'll see...
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  • meamollymeamolly member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    do they have wic in your area? if the go through with it at least they can get some help in feeding the kid if they have that program in your area.
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    They couldn't afford the INSURANCE PREMIUM and they think they can afford a CHILD?!?!?!?!

    *headdesk*

    Due to my recent baby fever, I can't comment any further. I'd sound way too BSC.
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  • tafft1tafft1 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This is the type of thing that no offense..sickens me. It just disgusts me when people who cannot provide for themselves in a responsible manner , make a concious effort to bring a child into the mix. It is down right selfish. Now I am far from perfect , have my own serious debts I need to take care of as well , and even if I didn't have fertility issues and fears I would take care of those things first. I've seen my friends grow up in situations like this because the parents frankly didnt care and just wanted a child in their convienent timeline. It isn't about you..it's about the child. That's just my take on it.
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