this is the code for the render ad
Just Engaged and Proposals

Chosing between Father and Step-Father of the Bride

Help!! When I announced our engagement to my father he issued an ultimatum, either he was walking me down the isle alone or he wasn't coming to the wedding. I was offended and angry that he demanded this. We've always had a battle of wills which involves him being controlling and bossy and me doing everything in my power to not be controlled. I did concede because I do want my dad to be there. Unfortunately my Step-Father has decided that he thinks it's unsafe for him to attend our wedding if my Birth Father is there. He bases this on the hatred my Birth Father has always had towards him. He's convinced that it will end badly with someone in cuffs or that my Step Grandmother will shoot my Birth Dad with her 357 Magnum which she carries in her purse. I can't imagine my wedding day with out my Step Dad, but I'm so afraid that if my birth father get's uninvited he'll never speak to me again. How do I choose, and if I do choose one over the other how do I either reconcile myself with a Father who may never speak to me again or a Step Dad who I'll miss sorely at the wedding? Everyone thinks it's a simple logical decision to go with my Step Dad. I am worried about the emotional ramifications and irreparable relationships.

Re: Chosing between Father and Step-Father of the Bride

  • Hello It is always nice to talk this out with the family of both sides. You have to remember.. THEY have to remember that this is not about them.. this is about you and your new life with your future husband... it is about you and your special day.. Walking you down the aisle.. sure give it your birth dad.. I am sure if he thinks he deserves it then he would not make any scene at all during the wedding.. Talk to your step dad at how much you would want him to be there.. better yet, give him a role or something.. assign him to walk you towards the door and hand you over to your birth dad... Make their presence important.. Talk to them.. Always remember.. it is your day.. -Ian
  • I would walk myself down the aisle. (Well, I am, but...) That way neither "wins" and neither "loses." If you biological father can't accept it, it's probably best he's not there and honestly, not in your life that much, especially if people are concerned he's going to be violent.
    my read shelf:
    Meredith's book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (read shelf)
    40/112

    Photobucket
  • i have a similar situation between my real dad and step-dad - there aren't any ultimatums yet (and i doubt there will be) but it will be pretty awkward as i'm going to ask both of them to give me away or i'll give them each a kiss on the cheek after i walk myself down the aisle - haven't decided yet. i think that whoever wants to go along with what i want gets to do it and anyone who doesn't care enough to put their own feelings aside for my day doesn't deserve to participate. i think if your dad wants to walk you down the aisle he should also have the responsibility of making sure that he or anyone else does anything to your step dad (and as a result screw-up your day). if you explain to him that sparing your step-dad and setting aside their differences is for YOU then surely he'll do it. good luck!
  • If they can't put their own hatred aside for one day to make you happy, then they don't deserve to be there... but of course you want them there. Sit down with each of them individually and state your concerns. Tell them you have been dreaming of your wedding day and that you don't care how each of them feels, the day is about you. This is easier said then done but I think they are acting irrational.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards