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Two Families, Two States

nbrule0618nbrule0618
in Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions
My fiance and I recently got engaged. We have been trying our hardest to decide on a date to have the ceremony. Problem we are having is that we want it soon, but with having his family in Michigan and mine in Maine we can't seem to make it happen with everyone attending. I had a thought of having 2 different wedding, small of course, and not telling anyone which day we actually got legally married. This way both families would be able to truly enjoy it as if it were the real thing. Does this sound completely crazy? I feel like we have to be very careful financially, and I'm trying to think of how we can make it "cheap" so that the end total ends up being an average cost of one wedding. Any ideas?
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Re: Two Families, Two States

  • volleygurl0306volleygurl0306 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary

    I have a similar situation (my family in Florida, his in Virginia...we live in Florida but wedding is in VA).  Things to consider are if either set of parents is helping you pay and where most of your guests are.  For us, my FI parents gave us a set amount and he has a large family (all near VA) and I have a smaller family that is scattered.  So, we chose VA because we figure if his parents were helping us we should accommodate his side of the family (most wouldn't have been able to afford getting to FL).  We played with the two receptions idea.  One thing I know though is your parents will definitely want to be ther when you REALLY get married.  So, I suggest having a small ceremony just you two and immediate families and then having two parties.  To keep cost down, and if your parents are both stubborn to have the wedding near them, see if you can host the party at their homes and you offer to pay for the food, drinks, etc.  If you can't get both parents together for the real marriage, I suggest doing it just the two of you.  If it ever comes out which side got the "real" wedding and which one didn't, it could cause a lot of problems.

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  • LovelyLauren21LovelyLauren21
    10 Comments
    We have the samem problem, our families being over 600 miles apart. But when it was all said and done, my family is 4x larger than his and most of his family is spread all over. So moving it to his hometown would only accomodate maybe 20 people out of the 200-250 attending. I agree with the ladies, my Mom would be SO upset to find out she wasn't at the real ceremony. you are definitely thinking outside the box!! keep that up and you'll find a way to fix this :)
    It's for sure I'm gonna love you all the way. Frank Sinatra
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  • Kokes28Kokes28 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    You have a private message!! I'm in a strangely similar situation!
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  • kelnash89kelnash89 member
    10 Comments
    Consider the number of people that would have to travel. Also consider which side of the family has the means to travel.

    We live in Nebraska, he has family in Iowa and the west coast and my family is mostly in Indiana. This doesn't even begin to account for our friends that are spread out all over the country. You have to do what it the best for the most number of people on your guest list.

    You may also want to consider setting up some sort of Skype broadcast to share your wedding with those who can't be there.

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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Definitely don't go the two weddings route. Even though it's well intentioned it's deceitful. 

    If you must do two wedding-related events, do two receptions after having a private ceremony with just you, FI, your parents and siblings in attendance. 

    I really think the best bet is just to follow PPs advice and choose one location based on number of people nearby and which of the people on your guest list have the means to travel and then plan one wedding with one reception and if some guests need to decline then they will.  This is the way it has always been done.  If there is a really large number of people from one side who can't make it you can always have a big BBQ or non-wedding related party close to them so they can get to know the new member of the family. 
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  • jashleyajashleya
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_two-families-two-states?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:142585d3-2afb-4f01-9026-8cfb34fd59edPost:ce899350-9d48-4851-9ab6-94880c9f9be9">Re: Two Families, Two States</a>:
    [QUOTE]Definitely don't go the two weddings route. Even though it's well intentioned it's deceitful.  If you must  do two wedding-related events,<strong> do two receptions after having a private ceremony with just you, FI, your parents and siblings in attendance</strong>.  I really think the best bet is just to follow PPs advice and choose one location based on number of people nearby and which of the people on your guest list have the means to travel and then plan one wedding with one reception and if some guests need to decline then they will.  This is the way it has always been done.  If there is a really large number of people from one side who can't make it you can always have a big BBQ or non-wedding related party close to them so they can get to know the new member of the family. 
    Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>An actual reception or a party?  How soon after the ceremony would they take place?

    </div>
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