Controlling the BSC.

smoops13 · December 2011

I need some advice.

I need to know how to control the BSC.

I am a planner. I also have been "dreaming" of my wedding since I was a little girl. And not dreaming as in planning, but dreaming as in I can't wait to have that romantic day with the man I love in front of family and friends.

I've been with the bf for almost 5 years now, we've lived together for two. Naturally, the talk of engagement has come up (quite a bit). The talk of how we would like our wedding to be has come up (and I'm not the only one who brings it up).

Now, we're at the point where family members (aka parents) are starting to ask when it's going to happen.

Here's the thing. We would like to pay for most (if not all) of the wedding ourselves, however, in this tough economy, I am the only one with a full time gig. He has a half-time gig that pays very well, and we can definitely make ends meet. He is actively, whole heartedly searching for something in his field that is full time.

And now here comes the part where the BSC comes into play.

He has told me he will be proposing within the next year. Yes, I know some people don't like to know time-frames, but I'm a planner, can't help asking. Do I honestly think he would tell me when he is proposing? No. I'm not an idiot (even though I probably sound like one here).

I know he has a plan. I know he wants me to shut up about when it's going to happen. I CAN'T STOP. Because I know it's going to happen soon. And guess what? the holidays make it ten times worse.

Any advice? I want to be the kind of person who can just sit back and take the surprise....

Sometimes it just helps to vent. Which is kinda what this is.

bethsmiles · December 2011

Self control? There really isn't a secret to not planning and talking about getting engaged.

I'm a planner too but that's what the engagement period is for so I know I don't need to worry about that while I'm not engaged. So just focus on other things that are going on in your life right now.

bethsmiles · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_controlling-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:987b052e-fc52-49f9-b0ac-a7ae42c0da5bPost:dffe317d-2914-479d-b397-4f3a4e9c8d46">Re: Controlling the BSC.</a>:
[QUOTE]When people say, "But I'm a planner!!!" I cringe.
Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

I do too. It's a super lame excuse for being BSC.

AudgiePodge · December 2011

Find some new hobbies. Anything that will preoccupy your mind.

smoops13 · December 2011

Thanks everyone. I think I especially needed to hear the self-control part.

bethsmiles · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_controlling-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:987b052e-fc52-49f9-b0ac-a7ae42c0da5bPost:d236e4a9-156b-4691-a8ef-228ac57cc3c5">Re: Controlling the BSC.</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't mean to be "cringe-worthy", I promise. Bad choice of words on my part.
Posted by smoops13[/QUOTE]

It's fine. Its just that even if you are a planner, planning is what the engagement is for so there is no need to pre-plan.

If you need something to help you not bring it up with your BF, there was a girl on here once who told herself that every time she brought it up the engagement would be pushed back 3 months. You could try that.

smoops13 · December 2011

Thanks.. that is actually a really good idea. I'm not actually planning the wedding AT ALL... we've had quite a few close friends/relatives get married this year which sparked the "I really like/I really hate" conversation with the bf.

I know once we do get engaged, everything we've thought of will fly out the window.

Elle1036 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_controlling-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:987b052e-fc52-49f9-b0ac-a7ae42c0da5bPost:0cd39ffc-50a3-4d40-beef-4fab0347ccef">Re: Controlling the BSC.</a>:
[QUOTE]If it makes you feel any better, I'm in the same boat. BF has a ring and has asked for my parents blessing. (I know people don't like asking for the blessing, but we're from small towns in Georgia. If he didn't ask, my dad would've been really upset.) He couldn't contain his excitement after he asked for their blessing, so he told me. I know that he's already taken these steps, but it's been a month and no ring. I have no idea if it'll be tomorrow or three years from now. I've gone BSC and had to have a friend tell me, "If you ask, it'll push it off further." So, now, when I start really thinking about it, I watch a movie. Any movie really. It's not much of a hobby, but as long as it isn't a wedding movie, I can throw myself into it. With our anniversary tomorrow, I'm refusing to get my hopes up or go BSC if it doesn't happen. I'm watching all of my Harry Potter and LOTR movies.<strong> If that doesn't help, I'll read HP series over again. (For the 1000th time. haha.)</strong> So, basically, it's what you make it. Just remember, the less you stress, the more time he has to plan a great proposal. And the more of a surprise it will be!
Posted by nyc1210[/QUOTE]

<div>Elle likes this.</div>

polkadot111 · December 2011

When people say, "But I'm a planner!!!" I cringe.

smoops13 · December 2011

I don't mean to be "cringe-worthy", I promise. Bad choice of words on my part.

bsidebella · December 2011

I agree with yaga. My FI and I planned on a 2-year engagement, so I had/have over a whole year to start planning. So, whenever I found myself planning too early, I took up an activity - latchhook, reading, whatever.

nyc1210 · December 2011

If it makes you feel any better, I'm in the same boat.

BF has a ring and has asked for my parents blessing. (I know people don't like asking for the blessing, but we're from small towns in Georgia. If he didn't ask, my dad would've been really upset.) He couldn't contain his excitement after he asked for their blessing, so he told me.

I know that he's already taken these steps, but it's been a month and no ring. I have no idea if it'll be tomorrow or three years from now. I've gone BSC and had to have a friend tell me, "If you ask, it'll push it off further." So, now, when I start really thinking about it, I watch a movie. Any movie really. It's not much of a hobby, but as long as it isn't a wedding movie, I can throw myself into it. With our anniversary tomorrow, I'm refusing to get my hopes up or go BSC if it doesn't happen. I'm watching all of my Harry Potter and LOTR movies. If that doesn't help, I'll read HP series over again. (For the 1000th time. haha.)

So, basically, it's what you make it. Just remember, the less you stress, the more time he has to plan a great proposal. And the more of a surprise it will be!

bethsmiles · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_controlling-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:987b052e-fc52-49f9-b0ac-a7ae42c0da5bPost:0cd39ffc-50a3-4d40-beef-4fab0347ccef">Re: Controlling the BSC.</a>:
[QUOTE]If it makes you feel any better, I'm in the same boat. BF has a ring and has asked for my parents blessing. (I know people don't like asking for the blessing, but we're from small towns in Georgia. If he didn't ask, my dad would've been really upset.) He couldn't contain his excitement after he asked for their blessing, so he told me. I know that he's already taken these steps, but it's been a month and no ring. I have no idea if it'll be tomorrow or three years from now. I've gone BSC and had to have a friend tell me, "If you ask, it'll push it off further." So, now, when I start really thinking about it, I watch a movie. Any movie really. It's not much of a hobby, but as long as it isn't a wedding movie, I can throw myself into it. With our anniversary tomorrow, I'm refusing to get my hopes up or go BSC if it doesn't happen. I'm watching all of my Harry Potter and LOTR movies. If that doesn't help, I'll read HP series over again. (For the 1000th time. haha.) So, basically, it's what you make it. Just remember, the less you stress, the more time he has to plan a great proposal. And the more of a surprise it will be!
Posted by nyc1210[/QUOTE]

Harry Potter is the best distraction from BSCness

lunarsongbird · December 2011

I got pretty BSC after Andrew and I met with a jeweler to design the ring in April. Honestly- for me- it only took some time and coming on here to soothe the BSC.

ETA: Besides...I just knew that my planning was taking away from the special moment that was the proposal....and I certainly didn't want that. I didn't want the proposal to be a technicality.

lennonkdc · December 2011

OP- I know where you are coming from. I've been with BF for almost 9 years, and we're at the point where we would like to get married, but its not finically feasible right now. So we're holding off on an engagement b/c we want a shorter engagement, like 6-9 months tops, until I can find full time work and we have some money saved. When parents/family hint about an engagement I tell them the truth- We're waiting until we can afford a wedding. Then I change the subject.

The best advise I can give you is to just take a deep breath. I know its tempting to want to pre-plan, but honestly every idea that you get attached to is just robbing you of the chance to plan with your BF/FI. When you get the itch to set into some serious BSC-ness, just say to your self, this is going to be more fun when I'm engaged and can plan with my sweetheart. Then go take a bath, read a book, watch TV, make a list of all the things you love about BF, or look up fun things to make for dinner. Do literally anything else.

Bumbles18 · December 2011

I'm also in a similar position - there have been ups and downs over the past year (since he told me he was saving for a ring) with the BSC, but generally for the past few months I've felt really good about where we are.....very happy! What more could I want!

Plus I have learnt to crochet, read all of the Hunger Games books, made lots of cupcakes, started a knitting club with my friends - and knitted a very very very long scarf! All these things have helped hugley but also realising that I love BF more than anything and not being married doesn't change that. And someone on here once said to me that once you've got engaged and got married you don't get to have that again so look forward to it happening rather than wishing it wa over!

thejucheidea · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_controlling-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:987b052e-fc52-49f9-b0ac-a7ae42c0da5bPost:0cd39ffc-50a3-4d40-beef-4fab0347ccef">Re: Controlling the BSC.</a>:
[QUOTE] I know that he's already taken these steps, but it's been a month and no ring.
Posted by nyc1210[/QUOTE]
lol we've had the ring since May, and yet here we are...

HULU · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_controlling-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:987b052e-fc52-49f9-b0ac-a7ae42c0da5bPost:98b3182e-82f0-4ae9-8a7b-7f3d1b0edf73">Re: Controlling the BSC.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Controlling the BSC. : lol we've had the ring since May, and yet here we are...
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto. FI had my ring in November of LAST year. He just proposed in August.</div>

Controlling the BSC.

Re: Controlling the BSC.

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