MOH Problems... Long.

skpurnell · April 2012

So I know that a lot of you have dealt with MOH/BM issues, and I thought maybe you could offer some advice. Last night my MOH blew up at me, over something totally stupid. She wanted to bring her BF to our rehearsal dinner since he decided we "weren't good enough friends" for him to come to the wedding, so he bailed on her for Saturday night (I've only met him once, not too sad about this). Ad a compromise, he said he would come to Friday's dinner. I had told her everytime she asked that we were at about 60 people, and the venue only holds 50, so we couldn't have him unless RSVPs were really surprising. So yesterday I told her that it was just a no, because we're still over and it's 3 weeks away, and it just wasn't going to work out but that I was really sorry. She calls me screaming at me, about how I'm being unfair to her because she isn't married and that I'm trying to ruin her night because she won't know anyone now, etc.. etc... and it evolved into her telling me that I'm the worst person ever, she doesn't want to be friends with someone like me, and it went on. She's very much an AW, but I still thought that she would be able to put her selfishness aside for one day... apparently I was wrong. Every time I've been home (where the wedding is) between engagement and now (5 times) she has cried/screamed at me, not talked to me for a week, then moved on. The last time she told me I was being unfair because I wanted the bachelorette party in Nebraska, where I live, since the only friends I'm inviting to the wedding are my MOH and my friends here. I offered to pay for her flight and hotel, and have a really fun girls weekend, but she refused to come and screamed at me on the phone for a half hour before hanging up on me and somehow, I ended up apologizing for it. I always apologize, but this time I just don't feel like I should? I'm kind of at a loss though, since the wedding is now basically 3 weeks away and I'm not really sure if I have a MOH, or if I even want her in the wedding party anymore (who needs friends like that?!) Any insight from those that have gone through similar situations? Sorry this is so long

COSmitty · April 2012

So let me get this...

Your MOH is not bringing her boyfriend to the wedding but she's blowing up at you because she can't bring him to the RD?

First I would NEVER imagine someone would come the the RD (a more intimate affair) and then skip the wedding/rehearsal (the bigger party). If she can handle the wedding alone she should be able to handle the half sized RD.

I'd say- hold your ground. Be prepared for her to drop out or be upset though. Normally I'd be all social unit blah blah blah but that's when they want to participate and not coming to the wedding (unless it was for work or something) seems like he univited himself to the rest of it.

skpurnell · April 2012

Yes- apparently their compromise was that he would come to the RD but not the wedding, since he wanted to do something with his friends the night of our wedding. I'm with you- and I think it's tacky and rude to invite someone to a dinner that you aren't hosting...

The thing is that I haven't asked her to do anything- I asked her to come with so she could pick out her dress, and I asked her to come to a shower. That's it. So it's not like I've been a bridezilla- I never talk to her or ask her for anything!

Thanks for the advice, it's nice to get some insight from someone totally outside the situation!

caitlinc09 · April 2012

That is absolutely horrible. I would be incredibly annoyed and angry - is he for real? Here are my thoughts:

- She needs a new boyfriend

- She needs a reality check

You definitely need to hold your ground, DON'T apologize for this!! You were already very polite about declining him at the RD. I think you also need to try and have a neutral conversation with her (if that's possible). You need to discuss the fact that this day is about you and FI, and you are so happy that she's there to help and be there with you but it's not about what she wants. Good luck!

S0095042 · April 2012

sounds like she is having her own issues to deal with (namely, jealous b/c you're getting married and her guy is worthless). If you're still interested in being friends with her then I would try to find out what's really going on between them. HOWEVER, i doubt that her attitude changes once you're married and you're life progresses while her's (seems) to stall with this guy.

If it were me I'd be fed up by now (if EVERY TIME i saw her she started crying/screaming at me as you said) and would probably end the friendship all together - but then again, I have been called an ice queen. lol.

jenniferacampbell · April 2012

what is going on with all the MOHs? These chicks are crazy. The past 5 posts i have read have been about MOHs acting insane! Unfortunately, I fall into that category too. My MOH has pissed me off so bad that I honestly don't know if we will be friends after the wedding. She is the biggest procrastinator that i know. I undertand that my life revolves around my wedding and I don't expect that of her, but if you say you are going to do something, then DO IT!!! For 4 months i have been reminding her that we have to get her daughter's dress (flower girl) for the wedding. Well, every time we make plans, she either cancels or is a no show. I have just gotten to the point that I won't have a flower girl. Then, last weekend at my shower, she asks me when we are going to get her daughter's dress. I must have looked at her like she has 3 heads, and then i told her i had been waiting on her. . . DUH! Anyways, good luck. I hope you get it all sorted out, but if your MOH is going to act like a 3 year, then don't waste your time with her. It's not worth it!

MOH Problems... Long.

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